DEAR ABBY: My son "Timmy" has a playmate from down the street I'll call "Bobby." I'm happy that Timmy has someone to play with, but Bobby's parents haven't taught him good manners. Even though Bobby is only 6, he does not have a curfew. He has stayed at our house as late as 10:30 at night without his parents coming after him or calling to ask me to send him home.

Also, Abby, I did not invite Bobby to my 4-year-old daughter's birthday party because it was for her and her little friends. Well, Bobby, his older sister and a friend of hers showed up anyway! I didn't have enough favors for the extra children. I was able to stretch the food, but I was aggravated that his parents didn't have enough respect for me to stop their children from crashing my daughter's birthday.

I was brought up to leave my friends' homes when it was dinnertime, but these children don't want to go home even when I ask them to leave so we can have our dinner. They beg to stay and eat with us.

How can parents be so inconsiderate as to allow their children to come over anytime and stay as long as they like? I want it to stop, but I don't want to cause hard feelings. How do I handle this? -- IMPOSED UPON IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR IMPOSED UPON: There is usually a good reason why children don't want to go home. Has it occurred to you that Bobby's parent(s) may be drunk, stoned or absent?

If a parent is reachable, explain to him or her that at your house you have a regular dinner hour and that it is family time. Guests must go home then, unless they have been specifically invited to stay. Also, after-dinner playtime is over at 8:30 p.m. and guests must go home by then -- but not walk alone after dark.

It may turn out that your son's playmate is a latchkey kid or being neglected. If the latter is true, then Child Protective Services should be notified.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who is more than 50 pounds overweight. It didn't happen overnight, and I completely understand that I am the only person to blame for it. I gained the weight because of years of unhealthy eating, lack of exercise and the birth of my two daughters over a period of six years.

Recently I decided to do something about it. I took the initiative, adopted a sensible diet and have started walking two to three miles a day with my friend, "Shannon."

Abby, on almost every occasion, Shannon and I are made fun of as we walk. It's embarrassing and extremely discouraging. We realize we are overweight. We don't need people calling attention to us or making fun of the "fat girls."

Won't you please let your readers know that struggling with weight loss is hard enough without adding the fear and anxiety of being made a laughingstock while exercising? -- LOSING SLOWLY IN OHIO

DEAR LOSING SLOWLY: I applaud you for recognizing you had a challenge and rising (literally) to meet it. When I see someone who's carrying extra weight walking or working out at a gym, what comes to mind is, "There's a person who is doing something positive about his or her problem."

Because a jackass brays doesn't mean you have to take it to heart. The individuals making those unkind remarks are trying to make themselves feel superior by putting you down. Please don't let it discourage you. You're on the right track.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just got back from visiting my dad and stepmother in another state. We are the only ones in the family who don't live in close proximity, and we get to see him only once a year. Dad is elderly, and I know my time with him is limited.

Apparently, his marriage is in a shambles and they are on the verge of divorce. He comes home only to sleep. The rest of the time he finds places to get away from her and her constant arguments.

The time we were there was tense, unpleasant and, frankly, a waste of time and money. I wasn't able to spend more than five minutes with Daddy without my stepmother trying to pick a fight with him.

My husband and I decided it was best to make excuses and fly home early. Now I don't know how I can see my father without my stepmother. Because he didn't tell me his marriage was on the rocks (I was told by my siblings), I'm not sure how to broach the subject of making alternate arrangements to meet him so we can talk and spend time together without all the drama.

My husband thinks it may cause more problems with his wife, but I don't know how else to avoid being in a war zone. Have you any suggestions or advice? I just want to spend time with him in the time he has left. -- DADDY'S GIRL DOWN SOUTH

DEAR DADDY'S GIRL: Now that you have been in the "war zone," the cat is out of the bag. Because your stepmother was such a distraction you had no quality time with your father, consider staying elsewhere and having him spend time with you away from the house. Alternatively, if he's able to travel, offer to send him a ticket to visit you and your husband for a few days or a week without her. That's cheaper than plane fare for you and your husband to visit him.

Contact your siblings and find out if your father plans to spend the rest of his "limited" time married to your stepmother, because the stress of the hostility in their household could shorten his life. If he plans to divorce her, one of the places where he should seek refuge is his lawyer's office. And because your father hasn't been forthcoming, be sure to ask your siblings to keep you more fully informed about the status of his health and his marriage. As his daughter, you have a right to know.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Tara," has a problem with social boundaries. She was home-schooled most of her education and missed out on a social life.

Recently, a male friend of mine quit talking to both of us because of her behavior. When I talked with him about it, he said Tara makes him uncomfortable. She doesn't understand where friendly joking stops and serious flirting starts. She gave him the impression she wanted to start an affair, so he walked away.

Tara has been open and upfront about everything. She doesn't lie. It's like she doesn't know any other way to interact with the opposite sex, and it's spooking me before our wedding. I don't want to have to be my fiancee's constant social monitor.

What can I do to help her with this? Are there social classes for late bloomers? -- FREAKED-OUT FIANCE IN OHIO

DEAR FREAKED-OUT FIANCE: I don't blame you for being "freaked out" because Tara's behavior must have been blatant for your friend to avoid both of you. My advice is to put your wedding on hold until you, a female relative (or two) whom Tara respects and will listen to, or a counselor is able to make her understand the boundaries of socially appropriate behavior. If you proceed as things are, the next letter I receive from you may be from "Freaked-Out Husband."

DEAR ABBY: I am in high school and have always been able to get whatever guy I wanted. My reputation at school is sort of "loose and easy."

I haven't had sex in eight months because I met a sweet, amazing guy who I want to marry. He's a virgin, and I think he thinks I'm one, too. He doesn't go to my school, so he doesn't know about my old reputation.

Should I let him keep thinking I'm still innocent? I feel like a worthless used rag. When I'm with him, I am worth something -- I'm the whole world to him. I want it to stay like that. But I know that by not telling him, I'm lying. He doesn't deserve that -- and I feel I don't deserve him. Please help. -- NEW "ME" IN ARIZONA

DEAR NEW YOU: Before I answer your question, there are some things I would like you to understand. First, you are "worth something" whether you are with this boy or not. It is dangerous to judge yourself through the eyes of another person. It is far more important that you can look at yourself in a mirror and know you are a good person because you try every day to do what is moral and right. Practice that, and no one will ever again make you feel like a used rag.

You are still in high school, and that's early to be thinking about marriage. I'm advising you to tell this boy the truth because if you don't, there is a good chance that eventually he will hear it from someone else. If he drops you because of it, it will not be because you don't deserve him, but because he doesn't deserve you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm wondering if you can help me. I have been friendly with couples, and when an argument arises I have been caught in the middle. Sometimes I have felt forced to take sides. Then what happened was, they wound up mending fences and repeating to the other what I said during their split. It has put me in an awkward position when we're together. How should I handle this in the future? -- TORN IN DALLAS

DEAR TORN: In the future, when your friends have a spat with a spouse or significant other and start to dump on you, politely decline to listen. Say, "If you have a complaint about ( ), you should work it out with him/her because I'm not comfortable hearing this." Either that, or do a lot of listening and comment, "Oh, that must be painful." Period. That way you're saying nothing you won't later regret.

The exception would be if you were told about an abusive relationship, in which case you should recommend a domestic-violence hotline.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years is easily startled. If I enter a room without a warning, he reacts as though he is in danger. He yells, "Don't do that, or you'll give me a heart attack!"

Since our retirements, this has become an issue. I don't understand his reaction -- he wasn't in the military, didn't have a dangerous job and hasn't been in a disaster. I feel like an intruder in my own home. He doesn't think he has a problem. Your thoughts? -- WIFE OF A JUMPY HUBBY

DEAR WIFE: Has your husband always been this way, or is this new behavior? If it's new behavior, it should be discussed with his doctor. He may suffer from a hearing loss or some other problem. And because he finds being "surprised" upsetting, try to accommodate him and not take it personally.