life

Bisexual Wife Is of Two Minds About Coming Out

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 2nd, 2013 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: After years of denial I have come to realize that I am bisexual. I'm happily married to a straight man, and we have a great marriage I wouldn't change for the world. He is my soul mate, and we plan to be together for many years to come. I just happen to be physically attracted to women, too.

Some people say I can't be bisexual if I've never been with a woman; I say they're wrong. Am I correct?

How do I deal with this in social situations? I'm afraid to put it on my social media profile for fear of a backlash from my family. I'd like my friends to know, but it doesn't feel proper to just come out and say, "I'm bi."

I was hoping some of your readers might be able to give me some input. How does one "come out" without overdoing it or coming across the wrong way? Is there a right way? Should I continue keeping it a secret?

I'm not sure what to do with my revelation. I have pondered it for some time now, and felt I could trust you to give me tactful, unbiased advice. -- BI IN THE DEEP SOUTH

DEAR B.I.T.D.S.: Bisexuality is having an attraction to people of both sexes, and yes, it is possible to be bisexual without having acted upon it.

However, being married means you are (happily) involved in a monogamous relationship. To announce that you are bisexual and/or put it on the Internet would be a mistake, in my opinion, not only because it would shock your family, but also because it might seem like you were advertising that you are "available." Unless you are promiscuous, you are not available. Most married people agree to be committed to their spouses regardless of whether they are straight, gay or bi.

If you choose to confide your diverse sexual orientation to your close friends, that is your business. But if you do, please remember that once two people know something, there's a strong likelihood of the news spreading faster than the flu.

P.S. If you do decide to divulge, be sure to tell your husband first.

Sex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Brother-In-Law Tries To Force Woman To Give Him Family Discount

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 2nd, 2013 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I work in a jewelry store where the associates get generous discounts. I mentioned the amount of my discount at one family party, and ever since, my brother-in-law has continued to ask to use it for my sister.

Abby, letting others use my discount is strictly forbidden. Although the store may never find out, this goes against my morals.

My sister's birthday is in six weeks, and today I told him we can split the cost for the item she wants. I offered because I felt pressured. I have now decided that I can't go against my morals, plus the item is pretty expensive even with my discount.

How do I tell him no? I have told him before that it's against company policy, but the message isn't getting through. -- FEELING USED IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELING USED: Tell your brother-in-law that even with the discount, splitting the cost of the birthday gift is too much for you. Then reiterate firmly that doing this is against company policy and could cost you your job. It's the truth.

While the conversation may not be pleasant, it's important to deliver the message now so he can make other arrangements to pay for that expensive piece of jewelry your sister is expecting.

Work & SchoolMoneyEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Wring Out Old Bad Habits, Bring in Healthy New Ones

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 1st, 2013

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2013! While the last year has been a stressful one for many, a new year has begun, bringing with it our chance for a fresh start.

Today is the day we have an opportunity to discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's resolutions that were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

Mental HealthHolidays & Celebrations
life

Rules of the Road Apply to All Drivers Even You!

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional driver. Please allow me to offer some advice to everyone I share the road with:

(1) Please do not honk or display obscene gestures because I am driving the speed limit. It's not my fault that you're late.

(2) Please don't pass me on the right, using the curb lane, parking lane, bike lane or sidewalk. It's dangerous for me, for you, and for anyone who happens to be in those lanes legally.

(3) Please obey the stop signs, stoplights, yield signs and other signs on the road. They're there to protect people.

(4) Please put down that breakfast sandwich, cup of coffee, lunch or dinner. If you're that hungry, pull over to eat.

(5) Please turn off your cellphones while driving. Whatever it is, it can wait. And if it can't, you have no business being behind the wheel.

(6) If you must discipline your children, please pull over to do it. I have seen drivers wrap their vehicles around trees and lampposts because they had turned around to talk to their child.

I drive more than 1,000 miles a week, and I see more accidents than most will in a lifetime. Many of them could have been avoided simply by paying attention to the road. If you choose to ignore this advice, I can pretty much guarantee that you will injure, or possibly kill, someone eventually. If my letter prevents just one fatality, then it was well worth the time it took to write it. -- MILWAUKEE MILE MAN

DEAR MILE MAN: Thank you for taking the time to write. As both a driver and a passenger, I have seen some frightening near-misses because drivers chose to ignore speed limits and run stop signs and stoplights. Usually the infractions are caused less because of thoughtlessness than by rudeness and an attitude that the rules of the road apply to everyone else.

And please don't think that automobile drivers are the only transgressors, because I have seen bikers and cyclists do some of the same things.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics
life

A Tucked-In Tag Earn's Woman's Rebuke

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Why do some people think it's acceptable to tuck in the tag on my shirt? It's bad enough when my mother does it, but I have had acquaintances and even strangers do it without asking.

I said something the last time it happened, and the woman had the gall to take offense! All I said was, "Please don't!" Am I wrong? -- PLEASE DON'T IN TEXAS

DEAR PLEASE DON'T: I'm sure there are various reasons why people try to tuck in an errant tag -- or remove a piece of lint -- from a stranger's clothing. I suspect they range from attempting to be helpful, to impulsiveness to compulsive behavior.

However, because what the woman did made you uncomfortable, you were right to tell her that you didn't like it. She should have asked before touching a stranger because many people are sensitive to any breach of their personal space.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Best Wishes For The New Year

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you are partying tonight to celebrate the arrival of the new year, please don't drink and drive. Make sure you have a designated driver.

I wish you all a happy, healthy, prosperous 2013! -- LOVE, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations

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