DEAR ABBY: Please help save my marriage. My wife of five years discovered an Internet browser history of 13 Web pages I had clicked on the previous day. The pages were of women's sexy lips. My wife is calling it "porn" and a "gateway to porn." I feel guilty about it, but I told her it isn't pornography. I think it's a fetish. She says I'm using that word to get off the hook.

Will you please tell her that this probably is a fetish? Our sex life has not been the same since she discovered the images on the computer. What can we do about it in a way that will strengthen our marriage? -- NOT GUILTY AS CHARGED

DEAR NOT GUILTY: It's a shame you and your wife hadn't discussed what turns you on before she checked your browser history. A fetish is any object that turns someone on, and it can range from large breasts, to stiletto heels, to leather or rubber items of clothing, to full red lips. It is not pornography.

A way to strengthen your marriage would be for you to buy her a tube of bright red lipstick. And a way for her to improve your sex life would be to put it on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl with a sister and a brother. I was recently told by my dad that I have to teach my brother how to read, but the problem is he has a learning disability and a behavior disorder. I don't know how I'm supposed to teach him to read, and it scares me.

On top of that, my dad got mad at my sister and me and said that when we were younger we were just like my brother, only worse. He said he was close to giving up on us. Sometimes Dad says we're worthless, stupid and asks why we're even in this world. He says we're not good for anything.

I have a slight form of autism, so I'm sort of slow doing certain things other kids do at my age. I feel like I'll never be as smart as anyone else, and I have no clue how I'm going to teach my disabled brother to read. Help! -- LOST, ALONE AND WORRIED IN URBANA, ILL.

DEAR LOST: It would be wonderful if you could teach your learning disabled brother how to read, but you are not equipped to do that. Your brother should be in a special education class with a teacher who has the specialized training -- and, possibly, a tutor.

Sometimes, when parents are extremely stressed or angry they can say things they don't mean without thinking of the lasting effect their words can have on a child. You are neither worthless nor stupid. You are an intelligent girl. Frankly, your father appears to be in need of some help, and I hope you will share with a counselor at your school what you have told me.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son is refusing to wear a bicycle helmet because he has decided it's "uncool." My husband and I have always worn them, but here in Texas many people don't. There's no state law requiring it.

I know how devastating the effects of a head injury can be and I want to prevent my son from getting one. How can I help my teenager see that protecting his brain is more important than looking "cool" to his friends who don't wear them? My son insists I am ... AN OVERPROTECTIVE MOM

DEAR OVERPROTECTIVE MOM: Contact your son's pediatrician and ask if he or she can facilitate a tour of a rehabilitation facility that treats people with traumatic brain injuries. If that doesn't convince your son, nothing will.

DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from "Itching to Get Even in Cincinnati" (Oct. 1), the woman who was upset that the handmade wreaths she had placed on her family graves had been stolen?

I volunteer at a historical cemetery. Many cemeteries have rules about the type and size of grave decorations that are allowed on the grounds, which is sometimes none at all. In fact, if decorations are allowed, unless they can be firmly attached to the ground, real flowers are usually preferred because they biodegrade and do not create a nightmare for groundskeepers when the plastic eventually weakens.

While it's touching that "Itching" and her sister continue to make thoughtful and beautiful arrangements for their deceased loved ones, they should consider speaking with the cemetery office or groundskeeper about any regulations they might have in order to avoid this kind of upset again. -- MAUREEN IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR MAUREEN: For the most part, readers agree that the policies of a cemetery should be checked out before placing wreaths or flowers on graves. However, other readers offered some interesting solutions to the problem:

DEAR ABBY: When Dad died, my mom and I returned to his grave the next day. All the flowers were missing, but the plastic they were attached to was still there. When we inquired about it we were told that deer come down at night and eat the flowers. My dad, a nature lover, would have been pleased that they provided a meal for the deer. -- STILL MISSING HIM

DEAR ABBY: The dead are no longer of this world. When people visit their graves, they should leave good thoughts, not material items that end up as trash or stolen. -- PAMELA IN VICTORVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: After my mother died, I bought a concrete garden angel statue and put it by her headstone. Like "Itching," I too was bitter after it was stolen.

When I told my husband, he told me, "Honey, your mother was an angel. She didn't need one. Someone else must have needed one." After he said it, it put the incident into a different perspective. -- ANGEL'S DAUGHTER IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, the flags my mother and I had placed on Memorial Day were stolen. After that we would write, "Stolen from the grave of ..." on the sticks of the flags we left for my father's and stepfather's graves. It worked! -- DOT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: My sister made a Christmas tree for our mother's grave and decorated it with functional lights. When I asked her why she went to the extra expense, she replied that she knew it would likely be stolen. She said she wanted the thief to have a tree with working lights, so the person would have a brighter Christmas. -- GERRY IN HUNSTVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I had the same problem until I started attaching small signs to my floral wreaths that read, "Thou Shalt Not Steal." I make the signs business card-sized, cover them with clear tape, attach them to a beverage straw and insert them in the flowers or attach them to the wreaths. So far it has worked. And if it doesn't, at least it may make the thief think twice. -- MARIE IN PENNSYLVANIA

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A very merry Christmas to you all!

DEAR ABBY: For the last eight years I have been the mother of a star in our local high school. When one of my boys would graduate, the next would take over and be even more athletic or musically talented -- and in my youngest son's case, both.

Now that they are gone I can't stand hearing other parents talk about their children's accomplishments. I also can't stop myself from making some comment about how my sons were better. I know it's wrong, but I still do it.

Sporting events make me sad and my husband depressed. Is this empty nest? We can't seem to figure out how to move on. Have you any suggestions? More children are out of the question. -- SPOTLIGHTS DIMMED IN OHIO

DEAR S.D.: When people peer too long into a spotlight -- whether directly or the reflected glare of someone nearby -- it diminishes their vision for a period of time after the light is extinguished. What you may fail to see is that all parents are proud of their kids, and if you continue to compare other people's children unfavorably with your own, you will soon be as welcome as a polecat at a garden party.

This is why I urge you and your husband to take a little time, refocus your attention to children less fortunate than your own, and invest some of your energy in other youths who need the encouragement and support you can give. If you do, you will be rewarded many times over.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband -- who had an affair -- and I have been divorced for three years, but have been forced into a roommate situation due to health issues on my part and financial issues on his. We have two kids together that I have needed his help with. However, there is a potential "new guy" in my life who is uncomfortable that my ex still lives here.

My friends tell me I'm too nice to have let him stay here for so long. I feel it's the charitable thing to do because he has nowhere to go. I'm also afraid my kids will think I'm being hateful if I kick their father out. Oh my God, Abby, what do I do? -- IN TRANSITION IN TENNESSEE

DEAR IN TRANSITION: If you want to stay "stuck" in your predicament, allow your former husband to continue living there. If you would like to go on with your life, then recognize that very few men would want to date a woman who has another man living with her.

By allowing your ex to stay with you, you have allowed your children to think your marriage could be repaired. If that is not the case -- and search your heart before answering that question -- then set a time limit for him to leave.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant last night. We were enjoying our meal when a couple came in and sat at a table close to ours. Soon, a bad body odor wafted over to where we were sitting. It was so strong I couldn't finish my dinner.

When we got up to pay our bill, we told the manager about it and asked what could be done. He said that was a tough question and he didn't know the answer. I told him I was going to write to Dear Abby and ask. He said if I got an answer to be sure to let him know. What would you suggest? -- CHOKING IN IOWA

DEAR CHOKING: It was not the responsibility of the restaurant staff to "do" anything about your problem. The thing to do was change to a table in another section. If you were questioned about it -- which I doubt you would be -- the polite response would be that you preferred a table in a different location.