DEAR ABBY: My divorce from "Vince" will be final in a few weeks. We have two sons together and we communicate well. Since our breakup, my parents have continued their relationship with him. They say, "You divorced him, we didn't."

They have confirmed that he will be invited to all holiday events. I am so upset about it that I now want nothing to do with them. Vince has his own family who have unanimously removed me from their lives.

I'm hurt by my parents' actions. Am I wrong? And are my feelings normal? -- LOST MY PARENTS IN THE DIVORCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOST: As the father of your children, Vince will always be a part of your life, so my advice is to accept it graciously. Because Vince had a good relationship with your parents, I can understand why they would extend an invitation to the father of their grandchildren. Whether he will choose to accept is the question. His family may have declared you persona non grata because in their eyes you divorced him.

That said, your feelings are your feelings. Rather than say they are "wrong," I would point out that they are unproductive at this point. As you move forward with your emotional life, I predict this will become less of an issue.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old divorced man. I use an online dating service to meet women my age, but I'm extremely frustrated by the lack of courtesy.

Why is it so hard for a woman to simply write, "Thanks, but I'm not interested" after getting a note of inquiry? My photos are recent, I'm polite and I send thoughtful notes that show I have read their profiles carefully and think there's a chance we have something in common. I admit, I'm not the handsomest man, but I hold a master's degree and I am financially stable.

I have sent a dozen notes over the last few months, and not one woman has been polite enough to respond. Any thoughts? -- DATELESS IN DAYTON

DEAR DATELESS: Please don't let the lack of response make you quit putting yourself out there, because eventually you're going to find someone if you keep trying. You are an intelligent man, and I am sure you have much to offer some lucky woman.

However, I would delicately point out to you that by not responding to your notes these women are sending you a message. It is possible that because the "chemistry" is wrong, they do not wish to get into a dialogue.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl and every time I meet people, they think I am 12. How do I look more my age? Please help me. -- HONEY IN GEORGIA

DEAR HONEY: A way to accomplish it would be to go to a department store and ask at the cosmetics counter about a demonstration makeover to achieve a more sophisticated look. While you're there, I'm sure a clothing salesperson would also be happy to accommodate you in finding items that girls your age are buying. A different hairstyle could also "update" your image if you are wearing it the way you did a few years ago.

P.S. While you may not think it now, later on you will regard your youthful appearance as an asset. Trust me on that!

DEAR ABBY: I confess, I can be a procrastinator. Last year, my holiday cards sat on my desk, blank and unaddressed until almost Easter, when it was far too late to send them. This year, I figured brevity was better than not getting them sent, so I had photo cards made and wrote short notes on each before mailing them.

Several of my relatives have now told me they felt "snubbed and offended" by my short notes. One aunt is particularly upset and said (via my mother) that my cards "clearly showed I don't care about people, and I should have written proper letters or sent nothing."

Was I wrong to think "some" card was better than no card at all? Also, how should I appease the aunt who is not speaking to me over this? -- HOLIDAY CARD WRITER, AKRON, OHIO

DEAR HOLIDAY CARD WRITER: I don't think you were wrong. As to appeasing your aunt, who appears to be one of those individuals who hang onto imagined slights and delivers her messages via other people, perhaps you should consider leaving her off your Christmas card list from now on for fear of offending her further. Some people are just not "pleasable," and your aunt may be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old son, "P.J.," dresses in Army fatigues when he goes out. His clothes and boots -- including name patches -- make him look like a soldier. Because he seems so fascinated with the outfit, I asked him if he wants to consider joining the military. He said he's not interested, he just likes "the look."

I'm embarrassed when we're out together. Friends have commented, "I didn't know P.J. enlisted." My response is, "He's not in the military. He just likes to dress the part." When strangers have approached him and thanked him for his service and for protecting our country, he actually says, "You're welcome!"

When I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry and tells me to mind my own business. I feel he's representing himself as someone he's not. He does have a job. He buys his military gear online and at military shops.

How am I supposed to respond when people ask me obvious questions? Isn't it illegal to dress in Army attire when you're not affiliated with the military? -- MOM OF A CIVILIAN IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR MOM: I can see why you are embarrassed. You should be. What your son is doing may not be illegal, but it is dishonest.

When you are asked if he is in the military, you should continue to tell the truth. Because your son doesn't set people straight when he is thanked for his service, what he's doing is disrespectful, unethical and unfair to anyone who actually has served.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small rural town with lots of nice neighbors. During the holidays, I receive a variety of delicious homemade gifts -- jams, cookies, breads and other specialties.

I am careful about my diet and consume no white flour or sugar. This means I must thank the person for the gifts, then figure out what to do with them. I hate throwing them out, and I don't know how to stop the practice. What's the best way to handle this annual dilemma? -- UNSURE IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR UNSURE: If you work, consider bringing the goodies with you and sharing them with your co-workers. Or, donate them to a shelter or senior center where they might be enjoyed and appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old, never-married mother of two. Last summer I started having an affair with "Jordan," the father of my first child. He left me when our daughter was a year old and has been engaged for three years in an on-again, off-again relationship.

I could give you excuses about why the affair started up again, but the truth is we both knew it was wrong and continued to do it anyway. I never stopped loving him and I thought it would bring him back to me.

Today I found out from Jordan's fiancee that they have set their wedding date for next spring. She said they would like for me to come. As if it wouldn't be painful enough to go to the wedding, his fiancee has also asked me to do her hair for the occasion. (I'm a hairstylist.)

Abby, Jordan and I are still having an affair. I want to tell her, but I don't want him to hate me. I believe this wedding is a big mistake for many reasons, not just the obvious. Please give me some outside advice. -- CAN'T HELP MYSELF IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T HELP YOURSELF: OK, the first thing to do is wake up, smell the coffee and accept that resuming the sexual relationship with Jordan has not had the desired effect. He will be marrying someone else.

Next, concentrate on saving yourself and waste no more of your time on him -- that is, if you would like a permanent, monogamous relationship with someone. Jordan has given you ample proof that he is incapable of being faithful to one woman.

And last, tell his fiancee that you do not plan to attend the wedding or do her hair because you are in love with Jordan and have been sleeping with him since last summer.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband for seven years and I love him very much, but I am no longer "in love" with him. Somehow along the way the spark has fizzled.

We have a wonderful family and have been through so much together. I don't want a divorce. I want to make our marriage work, and so does he. So how do I get my spark back? -- SPARKLESS IN TEXAS

DEAR SPARKLESS: That you and your husband want your marriage to work means it is capable of being resuscitated. While you didn't give any details, it is possible that you have been "through so much" that it didn't allow you to concentrate on each other. Exhaustion and distraction can cause a spark to fizzle.

A way to reignite it would be to spend more time alone together, participate in activities you both enjoy, and make time on a regular basis to talk, relax and touch each other. And if necessary, enlist the services of a licensed marriage counselor.

DEAR ABBY: My sister relinquished custody of her kids in a divorce 30 years ago. I recently made contact with them to re-establish lost ties. The contact I made with the daughter has been a wonderful success. The other resulted in complete -- and understandable -- rejection.

Now my sister, who didn't want to open the door, blames me for her heartache because her son rejected her. Was I wrong for bringing at least one of them back into the family? -- SISTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SISTER: Because you did it over your sister's objections, I think you were. While the daughter seems interested in establishing contact -- at least for now -- your sister has now "lost" her son twice. And if the daughter eventually backs off, your sister will be zero for two.