life

Dental School Would Welcome Tooth Fairy's Treasure Trove

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 13th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Always His Mom" (Sept. 26), who asked what to do with her grown son's baby teeth. She can contact the college of dentistry close to her and ask if the school would like to have the baby teeth the Tooth Fairy collected.

When I was in dental school, we used deciduous teeth (baby teeth) to study the dental anatomy of children. It's rare to have a complete set from one person, which would make these a good learning aid for students. When I was in school, the deciduous teeth were nearly smooth because of the number of students who had handled them, making them very difficult to identify. -- DOUG FROM SOLON, IOWA

DEAR DOUG: Your suggestion to contact a dental school and ask if they would be interested in using the baby teeth as learning aids is sensible. Other readers offered some "unique" ideas on the subject:

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to comment about what to do with those baby teeth. The original reasoning behind the tooth under the pillow custom was to keep witches from getting ahold of them and casting a spell on the child. The traditional disposition of those teeth was straight into the fire! -- LADAWN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: I had a neighbor with five children. She also kept their baby teeth and was inspired to use them to make a present for her father. At the time, we were into casting things in plastic, so she bought a mold for a toilet seat and embedded all the teeth neatly into it. Her father refused to use it because he said it would be like sitting in a shark's mouth. -- CAROLE IN GILFORD, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: My son passed away. His girlfriend was pregnant and had the baby four months later. We had a DNA test done using his baby teeth, which I had saved. It proved he was the father, and the baby, our grandson, is now 10 years old.

Also, with this information, the boy was able to get Social Security benefits for survivors. It was a bit of a struggle, but well worth it. How's that for a good use for baby teeth? -- GRANDMA IN NEWBURGH, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: As I was cleaning out my father's dresser, I found an envelope with a drawing that I had done in kindergarten and another envelope containing a tooth and a note to the Tooth Fairy written in my childish hand.

Imagine how touched I was when I found it -- knowing he had kept these things for nearly a half a century. I think putting the teeth in an envelope for "Always'" son to find later on would be a lovely thing to do. -- SISSY IN LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND

DEAR ABBY: My favorite Tooth Fairy memory is when my 6-year-old daughter asked if she would hear the "Tooth Fairy's wings flapping" when she came to collect the tooth that had been placed under her pillow. Kids do say the darnedest things, and yes, I still have her teeth and the notes she wrote to the Tooth Fairy. -- KARIE'S MOM IN ENCINO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter did a science fair project on tooth decay, I let her have the jar of saved teeth for her experiments. She did a thorough research job and a beautiful presentation, earning a blue ribbon. -- JANICE IN ROCHESTER, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: When I married, my mother-in-law gifted me with my husband's baby teeth and first curl of hair. It sounds weird, but it gave me a warm, fuzzy kick to receive them. It also was a bonding moment with my "new mom." -- KERRY IN WICHITA FALLS, TEXAS

life

Wife of 14 Years Learns Man Still Carries Torch for Another

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 12th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 14 years to a man who had two failed marriages. I never felt insecure in my married life until I read his answers to a Yahoo Answers poll that asked, "Do you dream about the one that got away?" and, "Have you found the love of your life?"

My husband responded that he thinks about her very often, especially on her birthday and Valentine's Day. To the other question he replied he had found the love of his life, but the relationship had ended in divorce, which he admitted was his fault.

I know he was talking about his first wife. I feel so sad and insecure. Now I must deal with the fact that on Valentine's Day his thoughts are with someone else. How can I get over this? I no longer believe him when he says he loves me because I have proof that he hasn't moved on yet. I can't believe he said that even now he still thinks about her. Please help. -- SAD HEART IN SAN JOSE

DEAR SAD HEART: Your husband posted those thoughts on a public forum? Rather than feel hurt and insecure, you should be furious. How would he feel if the person answering that poll had been you? (Of course, you would have had better judgment.)

By now it should be clear to you that you did not marry a rocket scientist. You have my sympathy because his first marriage has been over for nearly two decades and he -- along with his obvious shortcomings -- are no longer her problem, but yours. However, your pain may lessen if you look at the bright side: He treats you well 363 days a year, and many of the women who write to me are not so lucky.

Love & Dating
life

Paramour's Depression Requires Delicate Support

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 12th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a man in a long-distance relationship for two years. I care about him very much and I believe he cares for me.

Things were going great until he was devastated by a downturn in his business. He had planned to move here, but was unable to sell his home. We used to see each other every two weeks, but no longer. It has been almost two months. He calls once a week, but nothing else.

We have been close and he has shared his life, his worries and personal information with me. I haven't pressured him and I don't need a commitment now, although I would like one someday.

Abby, he seems to be drifting away. Is it OK to write to him, email him, send encouraging notes once a week and continue to support him? Is it too much to ask for more frequent communication from him? I have offered to travel the 1,000 miles, but he has evaded my offer. I'm not ready to walk away. We have been great together and this is difficult for me. Advice? -- HOLDING ON IN COASTAL CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOLDING ON: It's fine to be supportive, but don't overwhelm him right now. You may have to let this play out in its own time. Your friend may have retreated because he's concentrating his energy on reviving his business. He may be licking his wounds or he may have met someone, which is why he discouraged your visit. That he still calls you is encouraging.

Because you have known him for two years, I recommend you simply ask him if he's met someone else. If the answer is no, it will put your mind at ease. But if the answer is yes, at least you'll be clear about what happened.

life

Husband's Hairpiece Attracts Unwanted Attention in Public

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 11th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband wears a hairpiece. Unfortunately, it doesn't look very real. Nearly every time we are in a public place, I notice somebody staring or laughing at it. I have talked to him about it only a couple of times, but each time he tells me how attached he is to it and how good it feels on his head. I want him to be happy, but I do not want him to be publicly ridiculed. Should I throw it away? -- WIFE OF A MAN WITH A "SECRET"

DEAR WIFE: Absolutely not. If you want to help your husband, start talking with some hairstylists. There may be a product on the market that is more convincing than what your husband is wearing. (Depending upon how much hair he has on the back of his head, a transplant of some follicles may also be possible.) This isn't just about him having something on his head that "feels good." If it was only that, he'd be wearing a hat.

Sex & GenderLove & DatingMarriage & Divorce
life

Differing View On Sex Takes Toll On Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 11th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am recently married, and my husband and I have not consummated our marriage. I made it very clear that this would not be a part of our life together, and he agreed long before we took our vows. We sleep separately.

Recently, my husband has become sullen and passive-aggressive. He tries to push the issue, to the point of making unwanted physical contact. He knew going in that I am extremely uncomfortable with this form of intimacy and that my views would not change.

We love each other, but his behavior is starting to take a toll on me and the stress is straining our relationship. Please help. -- ASEXUAL IN LOVE

DEAR ASEXUAL: You and your husband are obviously not on the same page as far as what your expectations are about your marriage. How uncomfortable for you and how frustrating for him. He may have thought that after your wedding, with time, he could change your mind -- or he may regard your lack of interest in sex as personal rejection.

For the kind of marriage you envisioned, both parties must feel the same way about sex. Because he agreed to something he can't live with, it might be better for both of you if you separated.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Ethics About Senior Discount Vary By Person, Restaurant

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 11th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle a disagreement I'm having with my mother's boyfriend?

The three of us go out to eat together often. Most times we "go Dutch" and pay for our own meals. The problem arises when he pays for my meal. He'll request the senior price for all of us because he's paying.

I believe the senior discount should apply to the seniors in the group only, and mine should be the regular price. I don't think it's wrong to ask for the senior discount for theirs when I'm paying, but do not feel right claiming it for mine. (I'm more than 20 years away from qualifying.)

It embarrasses me when he does it. I'd much rather pay the full adult price. Even if it's only 50 cents, I still feel like it's cheating.

Shouldn't a senior discount apply to items being purchased for the senior, or should the senior be able to apply their discount for everyone at the table, even if the person is underage? -- KIM IN IOWA CITY

DEAR KIM: Senior discounts are intended to accommodate people who are presumably retired and living on a fixed income. That said, various restaurants make their own rules. If they are willing to comply when your mother's boyfriend asks that everyone be included in the discount, it's no reflection on you if he's the one doing the asking and paying the bill.

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