DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old woman, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder after two suicide attempts. I have tried to get my parents and siblings to attend a session with me so they would understand my diagnosis, but all I hear is, "You don't need all those drugs. You're fine -- just a little different than the rest of us," and, "You have always been 'odd' and we like you that way."

I have given up trying to get their support, but my gifted 14-year-old nephew has been asking questions about my diagnosis. I'm not sure how much to tell him, especially about the suicide attempts, one of which landed me in the hospital.

Any advice about what I should tell him and how to get family support? -- HEARING VOICES IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HEARING VOICES: Tell your nephew the truth. If he is as intellectually gifted as you say, he will go online and start researching. Explain that your condition can be overwhelming at times, which caused you at one point to try to harm yourself, but that it is kept in check with medication.

Your relatives may be reluctant to admit that there is a mental illness in the family, which is why they refuse to allow your psychiatrist to confirm it. However, you may be able to find support from NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. With 1,200 affiliates, NAMI provides grassroots, self-help groups for people with mental illness and family members who are affected by it.

The website is www.nami.org and I hope you will check it out. The organization was established in 1979, and it may be able to help you get through to your family that your problems are not imaginary.

DEAR ABBY: I host a lot of gatherings at my home and sometimes when I am on vacation. I put a lot of thought and effort into them. Some are themed parties, such as Valentine's Day or a luau.

Do you think it's rude for guests to show up 10 or more minutes early? I enjoy hosting, but I need the last few minutes before party time for me, so I can get dressed, light candles, put out the food or just plain relax for a few minutes. Your thoughts, please. -- WONDERING IN WESLEY CHAPEL, FLA.

DEAR WONDERING: I agree with you. Guests with good manners show up at the appointed time. While arriving 15 minutes late is acceptable, to arrive early is an imposition on one's host.

DEAR ABBY: My young married daughter, "Megan," has a problem with a neighbor. This woman has a family of her own, but is in Megan's business so much she is now actually taking my grandbaby out to eat at restaurants and seems to want people to think the baby is hers.

I have spoken to Megan about this. She doesn't like what is going on, but feels powerless to stop it. This neighbor does a lot for my daughter, and Megan doesn't want to hurt her feelings. What can she say that will put this woman in her place and make her realize that my daughter's family is not up for grabs? -- OHIO MOM

DEAR MOM: Megan is not "powerless." As the mother of that child, all she has to do is start saying no. If the neighbor asks for an explanation, she should reply that what's going on is making her uncomfortable. Period. There is no need to be unkind about it -- just firm.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their 80s. I have two brothers. "Pete," the oldest, is in his 50s and lives with them. "Dave" lives next door. My parents support them both financially. Neither one works or even tries to find a job. Both of them are addicted to meth, and one is hooked on prescription pills as well. My parents know it but enable them by paying their bills.

Pete and Dave steal and blame each other or any innocent family member who comes to visit. My parents are in total denial. There is major drug use going on every day, as well as potential violence. Pete and Dave threaten to shoot people all the time.

Part of me understands it's none of my business, and I have no desire to be around such dysfunction. The other part of me is furious and wants to put a stop to them using my parents. If I offer suggestions to my parents -- such as cutting off Pete and Dave -- they get mad at me!

I'm ready to sever all ties because there's no stopping this train wreck. I think my parents actually enjoy paying for my two 50-something brothers so they can stay high, never grow up and always be dependent. Any advice? -- NO NAME IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR NO NAME: I agree there is nothing you can do to "save" your parents -- or your brothers, for that matter. Their patterns are too well established. You can, however, save yourself.

If seeing them is too painful, you have my permission to distance yourself from what appears to be their unhealthy symbiotic situation.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a generally quiet neighborhood, but my next-door neighbors yell at each other and their children a lot. The shouting sounds like it is escalating.

This morning, the father yelled at his young son, telling him to name the letters of the alphabet he was pointing to. His "lesson" was filled with anger and profanity when the boy made mistakes. It was finally interrupted by the mother, shouting for him to stop. He then screamed, "Shut your mouth!" and she responded, "Don't you touch me!"

I don't know what to do. At what point should I call the police, or is this none of my business? -- WORRIED NEIGHBOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED NEIGHBOR: The turmoil in that household isn't healthy for the children. The next time the father starts shouting, call the police to report a "domestic disturbance." The verbal abuse could very well escalate to physical violence (if it hasn't already).

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law, a doctor, had an affair a few years ago with his nurse. It destroyed his more than 20-year marriage to my former sister-in-law. He married the nurse.

I want nothing to do with him or his new wife now. He stayed with us for a while and lied about the affair. I have no respect for either of them. I usually ignore them at family gatherings because I don't like to associate with people who do not share my values. Abby, do you think I should accept his new wife? -- PRINCIPLED IN DAYTON

DEAR PRINCIPLED: Good manners dictate that when you see them you be civil to them. It doesn't have to extend beyond, "Hello. How are you?" and moving on to talk with other relatives -- and it doesn't indicate "acceptance."

DEAR ABBY: My son, "James," is 25 and has been dating his girlfriend for three years. He has brought her over only five times.

This is his first girlfriend, and I think he is getting way too serious and thinking about marriage. While she seems nice, I do not think she's the right girl for my son to marry. James has not talked to me about marrying her just yet, but I think he knows I'm not a fan.

My question is, do I talk to my son about how I feel, or just bite my tongue and let him make his own decision, even though I think he'd be making a big mistake? Or should I say something and risk ruining our relationship?

James isn't the easiest person to talk to, especially when you don't agree with him. I'd hate to see him marry her and wind up divorced, knowing I might have been able to stop it. -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST IN NEW YORK

DEAR M.K.B.: At 25 years old, your son is an adult. A three-year relationship is not a whirlwind courtship. James and his girlfriend may already have an inkling about how you feel about her -- which is why you have seen them only five times in three years.

If you want any relationship at all with your son in the future, do not interfere. Let him work this out for himself. He may be your son, but he's no longer a child, so don't treat him like one.

DEAR ABBY: My wife thinks it's improper for my parents to include their grandson -- our 8-year-old son -- in their Christmas card photo. He's their only grandchild.

I have seen people include pictures of their pets, cars, boats and all sorts of other things in their photo cards. So why not grandchildren? My parents have pointed out that this is the only opportunity for their friends to see their grandchild, but my wife thinks he should be included only in our Christmas card. What do you think? --PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

DEAR PULLED: I think your wife is selfish, judgmental, and should be ashamed of herself for wanting to deprive your parents in this way.

Now I have a question for you: What's her problem? It's obvious that she has one where your folks are concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I had a great friendship that I threw away. "Shane" and I got along really well and, frankly, we ventured beyond friendship multiple times when we lived near each other. I think the "relationship" was good for both of us. Then I lost my temper during a trivial argument, and now he won't talk to me. We live in different states now, so the phone is the only way for us to contact each other.

Abby, I know the falling-out is my fault. He said something that shouldn't have set me off the way it did. How do I fix this? I miss talking to him, and he won't answer my calls anymore. -- REGRETTING MY TEMPER

DEAR REGRETTING: It appears Shane has not only moved away but also has moved on. When you were neighbors, the friends-with-benefits arrangement might have influenced him to forgive you. However, because that "leverage" is gone, you should move on, too. If he is unwilling to talk things out, there really isn't a way to "fix" it.

And now, a life lesson: The next time you're about to say something you might be sorry for later, remember that you can't "unring a bell" and that it cost you a friendship.