DEAR ABBY: My son, "James," is 25 and has been dating his girlfriend for three years. He has brought her over only five times.

This is his first girlfriend, and I think he is getting way too serious and thinking about marriage. While she seems nice, I do not think she's the right girl for my son to marry. James has not talked to me about marrying her just yet, but I think he knows I'm not a fan.

My question is, do I talk to my son about how I feel, or just bite my tongue and let him make his own decision, even though I think he'd be making a big mistake? Or should I say something and risk ruining our relationship?

James isn't the easiest person to talk to, especially when you don't agree with him. I'd hate to see him marry her and wind up divorced, knowing I might have been able to stop it. -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST IN NEW YORK

DEAR M.K.B.: At 25 years old, your son is an adult. A three-year relationship is not a whirlwind courtship. James and his girlfriend may already have an inkling about how you feel about her -- which is why you have seen them only five times in three years.

If you want any relationship at all with your son in the future, do not interfere. Let him work this out for himself. He may be your son, but he's no longer a child, so don't treat him like one.

DEAR ABBY: My wife thinks it's improper for my parents to include their grandson -- our 8-year-old son -- in their Christmas card photo. He's their only grandchild.

I have seen people include pictures of their pets, cars, boats and all sorts of other things in their photo cards. So why not grandchildren? My parents have pointed out that this is the only opportunity for their friends to see their grandchild, but my wife thinks he should be included only in our Christmas card. What do you think? --PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

DEAR PULLED: I think your wife is selfish, judgmental, and should be ashamed of herself for wanting to deprive your parents in this way.

Now I have a question for you: What's her problem? It's obvious that she has one where your folks are concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I had a great friendship that I threw away. "Shane" and I got along really well and, frankly, we ventured beyond friendship multiple times when we lived near each other. I think the "relationship" was good for both of us. Then I lost my temper during a trivial argument, and now he won't talk to me. We live in different states now, so the phone is the only way for us to contact each other.

Abby, I know the falling-out is my fault. He said something that shouldn't have set me off the way it did. How do I fix this? I miss talking to him, and he won't answer my calls anymore. -- REGRETTING MY TEMPER

DEAR REGRETTING: It appears Shane has not only moved away but also has moved on. When you were neighbors, the friends-with-benefits arrangement might have influenced him to forgive you. However, because that "leverage" is gone, you should move on, too. If he is unwilling to talk things out, there really isn't a way to "fix" it.

And now, a life lesson: The next time you're about to say something you might be sorry for later, remember that you can't "unring a bell" and that it cost you a friendship.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Richard," and I are a mature couple who have been seeing each other for three years. I love him. My dog is the issue.

"Princess" is a 2-year-old rat terrier/mini-pinscher mix. She weighs 9 pounds and is spoiled. (I admit I'm a softy when it comes to discipline.) She barks at anyone and anything she sees. Her barks are shrill and can be annoying. But I live alone and feel she is protecting me.

Richard can no longer tolerate Princess' barking and has curbed his visits considerably. Except for this issue, he is my dream guy, and I feel lucky to have found him. I was married for more than 20 years to a controlling man, and I had to defer or compromise on everything. I will not compromise on this. I feel Richard should understand my attachment to Princess, especially when he's not around.

I miss him. Our dates are now only occasional. He thinks I prefer the dog over him, and that's not the case. Am I being selfish? Why can't I have them both? Is there a future for us, or have we reached an impasse? -- WON'T GIVE UP THE PUP, LAFAYETTE, LA.

DEAR WON'T GIVE UP: Loving one's dog is not being selfish. You could have them both if you would contact a dog trainer and start giving Princess a doggy education that includes boundaries. Incessant barking should not be allowed.

Perhaps once Richard sees that Princess no longer regards him as a hostile intruder, he will feel more welcome. But that could take some work on the part of all three of you, if he's still willing.

DEAR ABBY: My grandpa remarried when I was a child. He and Grandma "Ella" each have five children. She is a wonderful woman.

When the holidays roll around, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, my grandparents always host at their home. They spend all day fixing up the house and preparing the food. When it's time to eat, Grandma Ella's children think they should be first in the line. If someone else tries (some of us on my grandfather's side of the family have small children), they grumble and complain.

When the dinner is over, it's always my mom, one of my two aunts and me doing the dishes and cleaning up. Grandma Ella's family never help. They just stroll back into the living room and watch TV or leave to go somewhere else. It would be nice to get some help once in a while so Mom, my aunts and I could also relax after the meal. Just leaving the mess is not an option. We tried it once, and Grandma and Grandpa ended up doing it. Any advice? -- STRESSED IN ADVANCE IN IOWA

DEAR STRESSED: Gladly! This Thanksgiving when everyone arrives, Grandma and Grandpa should cheerfully inform the happy revelers that small children will be fed first, regardless of whose side of the family they come from. At the same time, each of the adults should be assigned a cleanup chore so one side of the family isn't stuck with the entire burden. Unless your grandparents assert themselves, nothing will change, so please suggest this to them in advance.

DEAR ABBY: When a man is married, who is supposed to come first in his life -- his wife or his mother? -- TIRED OF BEING SECOND STRING

DEAR TIRED: At the risk of sounding preachy, the Scripture says a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. As much as a man may love his mother, in order to have a strong and healthy marriage, his wife should come first if he must make a choice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about a letter you published Sept. 23 from "Friend in Arizona." She wrote that after her friend "Blanche" was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, Blanche had asked not to be "paraded around for others to gawk at" after she reached a certain point. You advised that continuing to take her friend to church every Sunday was going against her wishes. I disagree.

I'm an LPN and specialize in Alzheimer's. I have been doing this for more than 25 years, and have headed Alzheimer care units. One of the things we strive for is some sense of normalcy. These people lose their short-term memory at first. But many have strong, vivid memories of years ago.

Going to church every Sunday is probably one of the few things Blanche actually remembers, and it most likely brings her a sense of comfort. Most of the parishioners probably have known her for years. This isn't walking through a mall full of strangers; it is enjoying fellowship with old friends. I'm sure they are not "gawking."

Nursing homes are often frightening to Alzheimer's patients -- full of strange sounds and people. Church, however, is full of beloved hymns and friends.

Unfortunately, there will come a time when her disease will progress to the point that these trips will become stressful for her, and possibly that her behavior will become too difficult for church. But until that time comes, I hope this dear friend continues to do such a wonderful thing for this woman. I only hope that I have such caring friends in my later years. -- JENNIFER IN CARTHAGE, MO.

DEAR JENNIFER: I would like to thank you and the many readers who urged me to change my answer to that letter. Some pointed out that Blanche had elicited the promise when she was a "different person," far different from the woman she is today. However, I am torn.

While I think it's brutal for older people who suffer from dementia to be treated as pariahs and isolated (and many are), and clearly this friend is well-meaning, I also feel strongly that a person's wishes stated in advance should be respected. Blanche may have wanted to be remembered as the person she was, and entrusted her friend to carry out her wishes "after she reached a certain point."

The writer of that letter asked me if I thought she was wrong to disregard her friend's wishes. I apologize if anyone was offended by my telling her I thought she was.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a disagreement. No matter what we are doing, she's constantly checking her cellphone for texts or emails. Then she'll get into text conversations and talk to herself while I sit there wondering what's so funny. It happens a lot -- anytime, anywhere. Her cellphone is a constant companion and usually the center of attention.

Am I too sensitive in thinking that the phone should be put away sometimes when we're together? Or is this the world in which we now live? -- LIKE I'M NOT THERE IN RICHLAND, WASH.

DEAR LIKE YOU'RE NOT THERE: You are not being overly sensitive. Have you told your wife that you feel she's neglecting you because she pays more attention to her cellphone? If you haven't, you should. If she has any consideration for your feelings, she will turn it off for an agreed period of time so she can spend that time with you.

Marriages take work if they're going to last, and communication is crucial. If she refuses to listen to you, deliver the message via text or email, or with the help of a licensed marriage counselor.