DEAR ABBY: I want to share my experience with being a distracted driver. One gorgeous, sunny day a few months ago, I happened to glance down at my iPad and the next thing I knew, I had hit the car in front of me. The airbags engaged and hit me and my golden retriever, who was in the front seat with me. He was so freaked out he jumped out the window into oncoming traffic. I chased him, but lost him as he darted through traffic on the busy streets.

Fortunately, a couple found him and brought him to a vet who scanned his chip. I got him back, and it is a gift from heaven -- but he was severely injured. With time, he will make a full recovery, but my stupid mistake hurt my most cherished companion. I can't forgive myself. From now on, those devices go in the trunk. -- REFORMED DISTRACTED DRIVER

DEAR REFORMED: That's a start. And in the future, your cherished companion should ride in the back seat -- with the windows closed and wearing a restraint so that in the event of another traffic problem he won't be reinjured. Because you are in communication with your veterinarian, ask him or her what type is recommended.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mature, adult woman in my 40s who has never had a good relationship with my mother. Candidly, she is a mean person who has left a lot of hurt feelings in her wake. It makes being close to her impossible. Our entire family feels the way I do about her, including her only surviving sister.

I will be remarrying soon. Although I feel that inviting my mother to my wedding is the right thing to do, it could mean potentially inviting disaster -- literally. I'm having trouble coming to terms with this decision and would love your input. -- NEEDS GUIDANCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS GUIDANCE: Your mother appears to be a bitter, possibly disturbed woman. If she isn't invited, the hurt and angry feelings could reverberate for years. Because the rest of your family knows the way she is, consider inviting her on the condition that she will be on her best behavior -- and with the understanding that if she "lapses," some family members will escort her out.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has met my co-workers and their spouses at various company-related events. He recently mentioned that he has seen "Wally," who is married to one of my co-workers, "Anna," with another woman on more than one occasion. Apparently, Wally didn't recognize my husband.

Should I "casually" mention to Anna that my husband saw her husband and where, and let her figure it out for herself? My husband said it's up to me to decide whether to tell her or not. If it were me, I'd want to know. -- OLDER BUT NOT WISER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR O.B.N.W.: I suppose you could casually mention it to Anna, but don't be surprised if she casually responds that the woman is his sister, his cousin or a daughter by a former marriage. It may be perfectly innocent.

DEAR ABBY: My friend left a plant for me to take care of while she was out of town. The plant died. Do I replace the plant? -- NO GREEN THUMB IN LUBBOCK, TEXAS

DEAR NO GREEN THUMB: If the plant was thriving when your friend asked you to care for it, and it died because of lack of sun or water while in your care, then the answer is yes -- you should at least offer to replace it. For your sake, I hope it wasn't a rare orchid.

DEAR ABBY: In a few months, my husband's 10-year-old twin grandchildren are coming to live with us while their mother serves her time for felony DUI. My husband and I are in our 60s and have never met them before.

We have tried to avoid contact with their mother because the encounters were generally unpleasant. She alternated between being bitter and hateful, and desperately calling for financial help because she's a single mother with four children. She alienated her own mother and it looked like the younger children would wind up with child protective services if we didn't step up and offer a temporary home with us.

The new circumstances will require the four of us to make some big adjustments, but we believe it will enrich our lives, too. My dilemma is what do we tell the kids when they inevitably ask why we have been absent in their lives? I can't bring myself to tell them the truth about the way we feel. -- CAUGHT OFF GUARD GRANDMA

DEAR CAUGHT OFF GUARD: Having lived with their mother, your husband's grandchildren probably understand very well the reason for her felony DUI. Be honest and explain to them that you weren't around because their mother didn't make you feel welcome. Then assure them that you have always loved them, that you are here for them now and will be in the future if they would like you to be.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 43 and have been hosting Thanksgiving for 19 years. My mother turned it over to me when I bought my first house because she was tired of doing it.

We always entertain the same group of 12 relatives. I have mentioned doing something different, but no one has enough room or the desire. If I didn't host it, I'm afraid they'd be hurt and have nowhere to go.

How do I break it to them that I am burned out? I would just like to go out to eat and see a movie. Please help. -- EXHAUSTED HOSTESS

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Ten days before Thanksgiving is a little late to cancel what has become an annual celebration. However, it would be the perfect time to announce that after 20 years of hosting the gathering, you are burned out. Therefore, those who have enough room should share the responsibility and alternate with you, or all of you should make your own arrangements.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband and I decided that when our nieces and nephews turned 18 we would stop giving Christmas gifts. That decision has worked out fine -- until my husband's nieces and nephews began turning 18. Now it has become an issue with his side of the family, particularly his mother. She has made it clear through emails that we "have" to buy them gifts.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to start a war over gift-giving, but on the other hand, if we buy for his family, we have to buy for mine. We don't have a lot of disposable income. Please help us find a way to get through this. -- GRINCHED IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR GRINCHED: Emails are a wonderful form of communication, but when it comes to a discussion that involves emotion, it's time to use the old-fashioned telephone. You and your husband must call his mother and explain that buying gifts for the nieces and nephews on both sides of the family has become too much for you, which is why you have drawn the line at age 18. The "kids" are old enough to understand the gifts don't come from Santa. And so, for that matter, is your mother-in-law. Shame on her for pressuring you.

DEAR ABBY: A friend's daughter was married several years ago. I attended the shower and her wedding, and gave gifts for both.

Two months after the wedding, I received a thank-you note in which a form letter was enclosed that read, "By the way, we are now separated and getting a divorce"! I was shocked not only by the news, but even more that my gifts were not returned with the divorce announcement.

This young lady is now being married again to a different man. If I attend the shower/wedding, am I obligated to give her another set of gifts? Or should I skip the shower and go to the wedding without giving another gift? What is proper in this case? -- CONFUSED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CONFUSED: The rule of etiquette regarding disposition of wedding gifts when a couple divorces after a short time is that any unused items (preferably in their original packaging) go back to the givers. However, to return cookware, linens, china, glassware, etc., that have been used is impractical, so please don't hold a grudge.

If you decide to attend the shower and/or wedding for your friend's daughter, it is customary to give a gift.

DEAR ABBY: A family member has six cats and wants to have the Thanksgiving meal at her house. Every time I eat there, I find cat hair on the table, on the plates and in the food. I don't want to cause hard feelings, but how do I handle this? I'm allergic to cats. -- HOLD THE FUR IN AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR HOLD THE FUR: Your health must come first. Arrange to celebrate Thanksgiving elsewhere and curtail your visit. If the relative attempts to "guilt" you into changing plans, explain that you cannot because you have become allergic to cat hair and dander and your doctor has instructed you to avoid exposure.

DEAR ABBY: A family member has six cats and wants to have the Thanksgiving meal at her house. Every time I eat there, I find cat hair on the table, on the plates and in the food. I don't want to cause hard feelings, but how do I handle this? I'm allergic to cats. -- HOLD THE FUR IN AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR HOLD THE FUR: Your health must come first. Arrange to celebrate Thanksgiving elsewhere and curtail your visit. If the relative attempts to "guilt" you into changing plans, explain that you cannot because you have become allergic to cat hair and dander and your doctor has instructed you to avoid exposure.

DEAR READERS: Today is Veterans Day, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank not only our veterans, but also those men and women who are still on active duty for their service to our country. -- ABBY