DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who is obsessed with selling "finds" on eBay. I often give her little items that she has mentioned she liked -- or outright asked for. I always thought she wanted to keep them for herself. Recently I saw some of the things I gave her for sale under her eBay account.

I am dismayed that she is taking advantage of my generosity to make a few bucks. No, she is not desperate. And no, I don't feel comfortable saying something unless it's clever and I won't appear to be jealous or petty. -- TRACI IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRACI: You don't have to say anything clever. What you should do is tell your friend that you were hurt when you saw the items she had requested up for sale on her eBay account. Period. And in the future, be a little less generous about providing stock for her retail venture.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years, I have seen many letters from soon-to-be-brides asking if they should include their husband's sister or other female friend in their bridal party, even if they don't know them. There is a solution.

This summer, I was honored to be the best man at the wedding of a close friend. He had a female friend, "Liz," whom he wanted in the wedding party. Liz didn't know the bride, so instead of having her be a bridesmaid, Liz was a groomswoman. She stood in photos with the groomsmen, and even wore a matching outfit -- a lovely gray dress with a red ribbon to match our gray suits and red ties. -- BEST MAN IN REDMOND, WASH.

DEAR BEST MAN: That is certainly an appropriate solution to something that shouldn't be a problem in the first place. Women have also occasionally served in the capacity of "best man." I'm glad you mentioned it.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen letters in your column referring to not being invited to children's birthday parties and the hurt that follows. It's amazing to me that some adults have also never learned the importance of being sensitive to the feelings of others.

We recently moved into an established neighborhood where a group of adults go on trips, out to dinner, etc. I am old enough to realize that my husband and I will not be invited to everything. But I am not "old enough" not to feel a stab of pain and isolation when group plans are discussed in my presence and we are not invited.

Somewhere along the line, people need to learn not to discuss group activities in front of those who are not included. No one wants to feel left out. -- NEWCOMER TO MINNESOTA

DEAR NEWCOMER: You've said it well. While I don't think the offenders are being deliberately cruel, if people would think before opening their mouths, a lot of hurt feelings could be avoided.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen letters in your column referring to not being invited to children's birthday parties and the hurt that follows. It's amazing to me that some adults have also never learned the importance of being sensitive to the feelings of others.

We recently moved into an established neighborhood where a group of adults go on trips, out to dinner, etc. I am old enough to realize that my husband and I will not be invited to everything. But I am not "old enough" not to feel a stab of pain and isolation when group plans are discussed in my presence and we are not invited.

Somewhere along the line, people need to learn not to discuss group activities in front of those who are not included. No one wants to feel left out. -- NEWCOMER TO MINNESOTA

DEAR NEWCOMER: You've said it well. While I don't think the offenders are being deliberately cruel, if people would think before opening their mouths, a lot of hurt feelings could be avoided.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a cubicle in close proximity to my co-workers. I can't help but hear everything. A co-worker who sits next to me is driving me crazy. She spells her name wrong to customers every day, 20 times a day. She also makes seductive moans during the day. I almost want to peek over the cubicle to see what she's doing.

When I have mentioned to her that perhaps she must spell her name so often to customers because she's spelling it wrong in the first place, her retort is, "No, I don't!" Everyone in the office can hear her, too. They think it's funny.

Abby, she's making me crazy. Should I record her for a few hours and play it back? Unless I do, she won't believe she does it. By the end of the week, I can hardly speak to her. Please help. -- TORTURED IN ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR TORTURED: Although your co-worker may seem to spell her name wrong to you, there are variations on the spelling of many names (i.e., Jeannie-Jeanne, Shari-Sherry-Cheri, Brian-Bryan, Steven-Stephen). The spelling of someone's name is usually determined by one's parents -- so lighten up.

Your co-worker may be unaware that she makes these sounds. Instead of criticizing her, perhaps you should mention this to her. I don't think you need to make any recordings.

If the noise is distracting others in the office, a group of you should approach a supervisor about it. If not, then I'd recommend earphones for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm sure I speak for hairstylists all over the country who style hair for our dearly departed. It is the last time their family will see them, so it is very important that it looks "just right." Please bring us a picture of your loved one that was taken within the last few years, not one from 20 or 30 years ago. (Yes, Abby, it happens all the time.)

Also, please describe how the deceased wore their hair if the picture has a pompadour and the person has a short bob. It's really frustrating! If you would take snapshots of your loved ones occasionally, I wouldn't have to wonder what Mom looked like. -- SANDY THE HAIRSTYLIST

DEAR SANDY: Obviously, this is something that families don't always consider when they are grieving. Thank you for the heads-up.

DEAR ABBY: Can a man be too good to a woman? I dated this fantastic lady for four years. We made a commitment to be true to each other. She broke up with me. Her reason? She said I treated her too well.

We were good to each other. We never had a disagreement. We went on several trips together. I love her so much. How can a person be too good to the one he loves? -- BEGGING FOR ANSWERS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR BEGGING: If a woman is used to abusive relationships, she may find being treated well not "exciting" enough. This usually happens when the person confuses love with feelings of anxiety and pain. Others can't resist a "challenge" and find stress-free relationships boring.

I'm sorry you are hurting, but please understand that you may have dodged a bullet. Once you accept it, you can move on.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Dick," who wears veteran hats -- "Vietnam Vet," "Proud to Be a Marine," etc. -- that imply he was in the service. The problem is, Dick was never in any branch of the military at any time.

Dick claims he's "honoring" them by wearing the hats. But when he goes into a restaurant or other place that offers military discounts, he always inquires about them. And he has never refused the offer of one or admitted he wears the slogans only to honor others and was never actually in the service himself.

I come in contact with real military service people who deserve to wear these hats. I asked a couple of them about what to do with Dick, but you can't print their responses. Abby, what's your take? -- VALUES HONESTY IN OHIO

DEAR VALUES HONESTY: The fact that I can't print the reaction of legitimate veterans to what Dick is doing indicates how offensive and wrong it is. It appears your friend is a small-time, chiseling con man who takes advantage of people's patriotism. Why you would call someone like this a "friend" is puzzling, because you seem to have a well-developed sense of right and wrong.

A word of advice: Sooner or later, people like Dick are discovered. When that happens, it would be better if you weren't around, because people are judged by the company they keep.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a wonderful man, "Andrew," who has two sons, ages 10 and 12. Both of them have horrible table manners. Eating with them is like watching pigs at a trough. I have discussed this with Andrew, who agrees but has done nothing to correct them.

I don't know how to instill proper eating manners in the boys without coming across as though I'm better than they are. Do you have any suggestions? -- THE NAPKIN GOES ON THE LAP

DEAR NAPKIN: You can't blame the boys for not knowing something they were never taught. However, lecturing them at this point would be counterproductive and could cause a rift between you and your boyfriend.

Enlist Andrew's help and discuss with his sons the difference between "casual" table manners and those that are expected when people dine in public or at a friend's house. You and Andrew should also "mention" how good the food is at some of the local restaurants. This will give the boys an incentive when you both offer to take them if they learn what's expected in public.

Tell them you're willing to teach them, explain the rules, model the behavior and help them practice. Then reward them by taking them to the restaurants and praising them if they do well.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 56-year-old man who made some bad decisions when I was 16. I stole items from a close family member to pay for a drug habit. After 30 years of sobriety, what I did continues to cause me grief and torment.

I am torn over confessing to this family member because I know that when I do, any relationship between us will end. Do I confess to clear my conscience, or do I remain silent and tormented by what I did? -- DISTRAUGHT IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: I think, deep down, you already know the answer to that question, so I'll give you the final push you're asking for to do the right thing. One of the 12 steps in AA is to make amends to the people you have hurt. You are no longer the person you were at 16, so apologize and show you are willing to take responsibility for what you did. It will end your torment -- and you may find that the revelation is nowhere near as shocking as you think it will be.