DEAR ABBY: We recently learned that our son-in-law, "Mike," was fired from his job as a community service officer with the county. He committed second-degree criminal sexual assault on two women inmates he was supervising and is now in the process of going to court. We hope he'll be convicted and sent away so our daughter can put her life together.

This has torn our family apart. We don't know how to get through to her that she deserves so much better than this. She refuses to divorce him even though this was happening during their marriage and her pregnancy, She claims she's not being abused, but we have seen how controlling Mike has been throughout their courtship and marriage.

How can we help her realize that life without him would be so much better and that sex offenders are never really "cured"? They tell us they are "constantly praying" and that "God has already forgiven" him for what he has done. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. -- WORRIED PARENTS

DEAR WORRIED PARENTS: Your son-in-law's abuse of his authority is appalling. But as long as he's still around and "constantly praying" (probably more for a sympathetic jury than forgiveness for what he did to those women), you won't get through to your daughter.

Fortunately, the justice system has sentencing guidelines for men who abuse their power the way Mike has, and he may be going away for a long, long time. Once he's gone, start talking to your daughter about counseling to deal with the trauma she has been through, and let a mental health professional shed some light on this. If the message comes from a person with no bias, it stands a better chance of getting through.

P.S. I wholeheartedly agree she would be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Arizona where the temperature can hit 100 degrees and we get 300-plus days of sunshine every year. I always have my 5-month-old son wear his sunglasses when he goes outside, and I get the most asinine comments from total strangers! Everything from "Can I have his autograph?" to "Does he think he's cool?" How can they be so dumb? People, tiny eyes need protection too! -- A NEW MOMMY

DEAR NEW MOMMY: The individuals you describe aren't "dumb"; they are making a failed attempt at humor. However, I showed your letter to Beverly Hills ophthalmologist Peter Cornell, M.D., who told me:

"It's ideal for everyone -- regardless of age -- to protect their eyes from ultraviolet light. And it's advisable for babies to be protected when they're outside. But it is not as 'crucial' with children as it is for older individuals, because their bodies are better able to repair oxidative damage. That said, ultraviolet light is not the friend of anyone's eyes."

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away a year ago, after being married to "Valerie" for 14 years. After his death, she got his life insurance. She paid for his funeral and the burial. She also bought a new house and a horse within two months of losing our father. Four months later, she was dating another man.

My sister and I didn't ask for anything except a few articles of Dad's clothing. Having spent all the insurance money, Valerie is now asking me and my sister to give her money for our father's headstone. We feel his life insurance money should have been used for this. My question is, are we wrong for being angry with her? Isn't she at least morally obligated to purchase his headstone? -- LOST GRIEVING DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your stepmother should be ashamed of herself for foisting off her moral responsibility to her husband of 14 years. And no, you're not wrong to be angry about it.

You and your sister must now decide if you can live with the thought of your father having an unmarked grave. Ask the people who manage the cemetery if they might allow you to have a special planting -- a bush, perhaps -- to be used as a marker in lieu of a headstone.

DEAR ABBY: Last night I got a debt collection call for my brother, "Stan." He and his wife, "Susie," are ready to file for bankruptcy and have been dodging creditors left and right. This is the first time I have heard from Stan's creditors, but creditors have called me about other family members, too. My relatives expect me to lie to the callers to protect them.

Abby, I pay my bills and pride myself on living an honest and open life. I feel bad for Stan and Susie, but is it right for them to expect me to deal with their creditors when they won't? -- FED UP IN DELAWARE

DEAR FED UP: Of course not. However, whoever made that call may not have been in compliance with the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, which applies to those who collect debts owed to creditors for personal, family and household debts. (These can include car loans, mortgages and money owed for medical bills.)

According to the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, a debt collector may not contact the debtor's friends, relatives, employer or others, except to find out where the person who owes the money lives or works. If the calls continue, contact the Federal Trade Commission by calling (toll-free) 1-877-382-4357 or visit its website, www.ftc.gov.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I have become friends with a client of mine, "Doug." I live in Wisconsin; he lives in Florida. We are both happily married and share about family and work. We use instant messaging for work-related issues and to chitchat. We have typed "I love you" to each other at times -- but only if we're being sarcastic, joking around or saying thanks for some help.

My husband doesn't think you can say "I love you" to a friend without having feelings or wanting more. I have never regarded Doug as anything but a friend, and he feels the same. Can I say "I love you" to a friend without it meaning something more? -- SPREADING THE LOVE

DEAR SPREADING: In my opinion you can, and many people do. There is a difference between saying "I love you" and "I am IN love with you," and I'm surprised that your husband doesn't realize it. Could he be feeling insecure?

DEAR ABBY: There is a man at work I'm very attracted to. He seems to be equally attracted to me. The problem is, he has shown me two pictures of his privates that he has on his cellphone. When he did it, it wasn't completely out of context of our conversation and our interest in each other. We do not have a physical relationship (yet), but I'm considering it. How weird is it that he has these pictures on his phone? -- GOT AN EYEFUL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOT AN EYEFUL: That must have been some conversation! It's amazing either of you get any work done with so many pheromones floating in the air. From my perspective, what your co-worker did was "premature" considering you have no social relationship (yet). It could also be considered a form of flashing.

However, while I consider what he did to be overexposure and not a particularly impressive courtship technique, displaying pictures of his anatomy on his cellphone is not unheard of among men who think like adolescents.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a waitress at a 24-hour restaurant in a small town. Most of my customers are regulars, and for the most part we talk about current events and what is going on in each other's lives. Last night, two of my regulars came in and one tried to grab my hand after the other put his hand up the sleeve of my shirt. Both repeatedly asked me incredibly personal questions about my love life and finances, and I'll admit, I froze and then I walked away.

In any other kind of work environment what happened would be considered sexual harassment, but I'm not sure what to do about it, since they're customers and I'm the employee. At what point is the customer really wrong? -- MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

DEAR MAY: The point at which the customer is really wrong is when he (or she) repeatedly asks personal questions about a server's love life and puts his (or her) hands on the server. The way to handle it is to report what happened to your supervisor or employer, and make certain that in the future you are not the person taking their order. What happened was inappropriate anywhere -- and that includes in your restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son left for college over a month ago. While cleaning his room, I found all sorts of marijuana paraphernalia. I'm at a loss about how to handle this. I want to confront him because he knew the rules of the house (no drugs) and lied to me and broke them.

I do not want drugs in this house! I don't know what to do or say if he wants to come home for school breaks. I pray he is no longer doing them, but I think I would just be lied to if I brought it up. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN MOM: You have a right to set the rules in your house and expect that they will be respected. When your son comes home for his first school break, tell him what you found and how hurt you are to have been lied to. Then tell him that to make sure he doesn't abuse your trust in the future, you will be randomly drug-testing him. (Testing kits are sold over the counter at your pharmacy.) Explain what the penalty will be if he disregards your wishes. The threat of a drug test may ensure his compliance.

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety.