DEAR ABBY: What percentage of women's problems do you think could be avoided if, for the first year after beginning to date someone, they were to use birth control and not marry? Many of the women who write to you seem to be shocked that the men they're with do not have sterling characters. But I have never dated anyone who could hide his true colors longer than six months. I'm sure the same is true of women, too.

Much of your advice to these ladies entails seeking counseling or an attorney, but to the millions of women who haven't yet made this mistake, how about a shout-out for prevention? The heart is ungovernable, but people do have absolute power to use birth control and avoid rushing into marriage. -- SUSAN IN ARIZONA

DEAR SUSAN: Sometimes people marry before they really know themselves, let alone their partner. But I'm all for giving that shout-out for prevention of unplanned pregnancies. According to the Guttmacher Institute, 49 percent of the 6.7 million pregnancies each year fall into this category. While some result from carelessness or mistakes in using birth control, others stem from lack of assertiveness on the part of women because they are economically dependent or lack the self-esteem to insist their partner use a condom.

Your comment about rushing into marriage until you really know someone reminds me of the saying, "Act in haste, repent at leisure." Perhaps it should be amended to, "Act in haste, repent, repent, repent."

DEAR ABBY: I once read in your column a list of physical activities and how many calories are burned while performing each one. You included sexual relations. Would you please list those activities and the calories burned for each? Thanks! -- LOOKING TO LOSE

DEAR LOOKING: You didn't see it in my column, but here is the estimated number of calories burned per hour for several types of measured physical activity: slow walking, 115 to 200; dancing, 275 to 350; skating or swimming, 300 to 600; tennis, 350 to 700; gardening, 250 to 300; golfing (18 holes), 150 to 225.

There are no reliable figures on the number of calories burned during sex because the amount of exertion varies with the individual.

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays coming, I'd like to suggest something your readers can do with all the free address labels they will be receiving from charities.

Many of my elderly relatives have poor handwriting that has led to undeliverable mail from them to me. So I started taking those labels and giving them out to my relatives. They now use them to address letters to me.

At the time I told them I was sending the labels because they showed my "official address," the one the post office is most likely to recognize. I haven't had any undelivered mail since, and my relatives like it so much that several have started sending me their labels, too.

This obviously doesn't solve the problem of getting the labels in the first place, but it does provide a way to put them to use instead of throwing them out. -- E.B. IN HERNDON, VA.

DEAR E.B.: For anyone who corresponds with a relative who has fading vision or a tremor, that's a good suggestion. Thank you for offering it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old female with five younger brothers and sisters. My 18-year-old sister is my biological sister, while my youngest four siblings are adopted.

At the beginning of the year I discovered my 14-year-old brother has been peeping on my sister. When my parents found out, they sent him to counseling, but my sister is still pretty scarred from it.

Today, when I was in the bathroom, I realized my brother was peeping at me through a hole in the wall. I feel extremely violated, but because he is only 14, I don't know what to do. How can we get him to stop, and how can my sister and I feel comfortable in our house again? -- SCARED OF MY BROTHER THE PEEPER

DEAR SCARED: You and your sister should be able to feel comfortable in your own home. Tell your parents that the counseling your brother received hasn't worked, then show them the hole he has been peeping through. Clearly, whatever consequences there were for his actions the first time were not enough to discourage his behavior. Your sister may need counseling to get beyond it.

The hole should be repaired -- and until it is, tape a small mirror over it so that if he tries to peep again, all he will see is his own eyeball. And tell your sister to do the same.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Carl," and I have been together for six months. We're both 29. We live together, work for the same employer and each have one child.

My problem is, we argue constantly. We fight about the kids, money, chores, etc. The smallest thing can turn into a major battle. Do you think it's too early to be fighting so much? I feel obligated to make it work because my son's father and I broke up before he was born, and he has now become attached to Carl and his daughter. Please help! -- TORN IN TORRANCE, CALIF.

DEAR TORN: Yes, it's too early to be fighting this way. It was also way too early to start living together. Couples counseling may help you and Carl resolve your issues -- but only if he is willing to work on them as you are. If that isn't the case, you should move on quickly, before your son forms an even stronger attachment. At this point, it can be done without the expense of a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: My mom pays me $3 a week to do chores around the house. I take out the garbage, do the dishes, vacuum and set the table every night. I'm frustrated that I'm being paid such a small amount for doing a ton of work.

I told her I'm on "strike" and I'm tired of being her slave. Whenever I mention getting a raise, she claims she'll talk to my dad about it -- but she never does! How do I get paid more? -- SINCERELY, LAUREN

DEAR LAUREN: If your father is the source of the money, then don't depend on your mother to intercede for you. Talk to him yourself. And when you do, be prepared to tell him what a good job you have been doing -- and that you would be willing to take on a few more responsibilities for a little more compensation. Consider it your first lesson in the art of negotiation.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the greatest man I've ever met in my life for three years. "Jared" has wonderful kids and a successful career. He's handsome and is kind to me, my kids and my family. We enjoy each other immensely, and we are now engaged.

We are social drinkers, but about once a year Jared gets incredibly intoxicated and changes into the most horrible person I have ever seen. It's all verbal yelling -- nothing physical -- but it's still inexcusable. After an "episode" he is guilt-ridden and apologetic for weeks. I believe he's sincere, but it has made me rethink our engagement. He had an episode a week ago -- the third during the time we've been together.

Our kids are close and care about each other. I love Jared, but if I have to endure another instance of this I don't think I can go through with the marriage. I'm still angry about the last bout, and he's still guilt-ridden. How do I approach this? -- CONFLICTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: The first thing to do is make it your business to attend some Al-Anon meetings. When you do, you'll soon realize that the behavior Jared is exhibiting can escalate.

While Jared may be able to handle his liquor 364 days a year (now), what happens on that 365th is a deal-breaker. Unless you want to spend your life worrying every time Jared picks up a glass who he will be when he puts the glass down, draw the line now. Tell him the person he becomes during these "episodes" is a stranger you have no desire to have anything to do with -- ever -- and if he can't guarantee that you will never see that person again, the marriage is off. Of course, this will mean the end of his social drinking and probably yours. If what you have together is as special as you say, it is only a small sacrifice.

Be prepared, because he will probably deny he has a problem. Unless you want to become a miserable nervous wreck, you must not relent. The explosion, the guilt, the "honeymoon" period afterward are similar to the cycle of domestic violence, so be aware of that.

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful son died five years ago. He chose his death by hanging -- suicide. He had suffered for years, and all our love couldn't help him. He once told me, "Mom, I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be with Jesus."

We know we will see him again. Still, I find it hard to tell people how he died. I know I don't have to, but it still haunts me sometimes. I'd like to know how others who have been through the same thing feel about this. Thank you for your support. -- MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MOM: I'm sorry about the death of your son, who suffered from severe chronic depression. When there is a suicide, the family can experience a range of emotions -- including anger, sadness and guilt. When a child commits suicide there can also be feelings of self-recrimination. If that's the case with you, please seek counseling.

I'm sure that when your letter is published, I'll hear from readers who will share their experiences. If you will visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website, www.afsp.org, you can search for a suicide survivor support group in your area, because talking with others who have experienced this can be helpful.