DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the greatest man I've ever met in my life for three years. "Jared" has wonderful kids and a successful career. He's handsome and is kind to me, my kids and my family. We enjoy each other immensely, and we are now engaged.

We are social drinkers, but about once a year Jared gets incredibly intoxicated and changes into the most horrible person I have ever seen. It's all verbal yelling -- nothing physical -- but it's still inexcusable. After an "episode" he is guilt-ridden and apologetic for weeks. I believe he's sincere, but it has made me rethink our engagement. He had an episode a week ago -- the third during the time we've been together.

Our kids are close and care about each other. I love Jared, but if I have to endure another instance of this I don't think I can go through with the marriage. I'm still angry about the last bout, and he's still guilt-ridden. How do I approach this? -- CONFLICTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: The first thing to do is make it your business to attend some Al-Anon meetings. When you do, you'll soon realize that the behavior Jared is exhibiting can escalate.

While Jared may be able to handle his liquor 364 days a year (now), what happens on that 365th is a deal-breaker. Unless you want to spend your life worrying every time Jared picks up a glass who he will be when he puts the glass down, draw the line now. Tell him the person he becomes during these "episodes" is a stranger you have no desire to have anything to do with -- ever -- and if he can't guarantee that you will never see that person again, the marriage is off. Of course, this will mean the end of his social drinking and probably yours. If what you have together is as special as you say, it is only a small sacrifice.

Be prepared, because he will probably deny he has a problem. Unless you want to become a miserable nervous wreck, you must not relent. The explosion, the guilt, the "honeymoon" period afterward are similar to the cycle of domestic violence, so be aware of that.

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful son died five years ago. He chose his death by hanging -- suicide. He had suffered for years, and all our love couldn't help him. He once told me, "Mom, I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be with Jesus."

We know we will see him again. Still, I find it hard to tell people how he died. I know I don't have to, but it still haunts me sometimes. I'd like to know how others who have been through the same thing feel about this. Thank you for your support. -- MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MOM: I'm sorry about the death of your son, who suffered from severe chronic depression. When there is a suicide, the family can experience a range of emotions -- including anger, sadness and guilt. When a child commits suicide there can also be feelings of self-recrimination. If that's the case with you, please seek counseling.

I'm sure that when your letter is published, I'll hear from readers who will share their experiences. If you will visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website, www.afsp.org, you can search for a suicide survivor support group in your area, because talking with others who have experienced this can be helpful.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have had many discussions regarding tattoos. She would say she wanted one; I'd disagree.

Well, just before her birthday she had her best friend, a tattoo artist, give her a small tattoo of a dragonfly with dots representing our four children. I didn't know about it for about six weeks, until I walked up behind her at her computer desk and noticed it on her upper shoulder. Our kids knew and hadn't said anything.

I got really mad and left the house for a while. When I returned and began arguing with her, she would say only that it was her body, and she would do whatever she wanted.

I have gotten over the tattoo part, but I haven't forgotten about not knowing and how I finally found out. I am hurt that she didn't tell me. She doesn't think it's worth apologizing for. It seems like everything she does now is one big secret. Please advise. -- HURT TO THE BONE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR HURT TO THE BONE: Your wife didn't tell you because she wanted to avoid the argument that she knew would follow. Your children didn't say anything because they were protecting their mother.

It appears that you and your wife have significant communication problems. Counseling might help, and I recommend it because secrets can cause marriages to crumble.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a young woman, I was a single parent. I did it all -- the cooking, the cleaning and working. My friends would laugh at how often I'd say, "I need a wife!" I didn't mean it in a sexual way; I simply hated housework and cooking.

When I started dating my husband, my daughter told him, "Mom will never marry you. Men are just more wash and messes." He told her he would do the housework. Stupidly, I believed him.

The economy tanked, I lost my job and I have become a housewife. I feel like I'm serving a life sentence in a prison of my own making. I tried to convince my husband to move so I could find a job and hire a maid. No luck. He decided that since we didn't need as much money, he would work less. Now he works part-time, and I want out. -- LIVING IN HELL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LIVING IN HELL: Tell your husband that you didn't sign up for the role he has assigned to you. I'm sure he already knows you're not happy with the situation. If he is unwilling to resume working full-time, then it will be up to you to find some kind of job that will enable you to save enough money to leave.

DEAR ABBY: Election Day will soon be here, when we go to the polls and elect a Democrat or Republican to the White House.

Afterward, why not stop at your local animal shelter and elect a DemoCAT or a RePUPlican to your house? No matter whom you choose for the White House, you can't go wrong with a furry friend.

They don't make promises they don't keep. They can't reduce the deficit or improve the economy, but what they can do is give unconditional love. -- INDEPENDENT ANIMAL ADVOCATE

DEAR INDEPENDENT: I agree that pets give unconditional love -- and without "term limits."

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. I have dated since I was 12 but never told my parents and sort of went out of my way to hide it from them. I had sex when I was 13, but was always careful about using birth control. I'm on the pill and always use condoms.

I got pregnant anyway, five months ago. I always had irregular periods so I didn't realize it until two months ago. The doctor told me I was having a girl. I was scared out of my mind, but I was planning to tell the father and my parents. Then early last month I got a terrible pain. I went to the clinic and had a miscarriage.

It will be a long time before I'm completely ready to deal with this, but I don't know how to move on. I only told a couple of people, and none of them can ever know how I'm feeling. I can't tell my parents, and I have no idea how to tell the father. Please help me. -- LOST AND ALONE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LOST AND ALONE: Please accept my sympathy. A miscarriage can cause a mix of emotions, among which are disappointment, despair, shock, guilt, grief -- and relief. All are normal. I urge you to talk to a trusted adult who can listen and support you, because going through all of this alone is doubly hard.

Remember that grief is a natural response to a miscarriage. Don't make light of it or deny the feelings. The length of time it takes to process them is different for everyone, but you should feel better as time passes. If that doesn't happen, talk with your health care provider because there may be additional ways to support you and help you feel better.

If you decide to tell the father, understand that he may need to grieve, too. He may not be able to express his emotions the same way you do. But communicating your feelings and supporting each other may help both of you to cope.

Because the birth control you were using didn't prevent your pregnancy, you should ask a health care provider for advice about avoiding another unplanned pregnancy in the future. A staff member at your local Planned Parenthood health center or other clinic, or your own physician, can discuss all of your options and help you get the birth control you need.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of two adult daughters. Their father and I were divorced when they were 6 and 10. He was an attentive father, and I encouraged and nurtured their relationship with him and always told them how much he loved them.

Five years after our divorce, he remarried. His new wife didn't care for the girls and made no secret of it. Our youngest daughter gave birth to our only grandchild. When the child was 4, my daughters were told by their father that they were no longer welcome in his home. They then revealed to me that during the 30 years since the divorce, their dad had never had a good thing to say about me and told them many lies. He died nine months ago, without patching up the problems between them.

Now my daughters want to be close to his wife! Please help me understand. I have strong emotions about this, especially concerning the grandchild. -- MISERABLE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLE: It may not be rational, but it's possible that your daughters want a relationship with their father's wife because they perceive it as the one last link to their father, however weak a link that may be.