life

Teen's Online Sweetheart May Not Be Who He Says

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 20th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and a few weeks ago I met a guy online, got his number and we texted -- a lot. Before I knew it, we were flirting up a storm.

He lives in Tennessee and I'm in Texas. He's the same age as I am, so I don't see anything wrong with liking him, even if he's so far away. We have decided not to date until we have a chance to meet each other in person.

The problem is, I feel like I love him. He doesn't call me "hot," he calls me "gorgeous." He doesn't call me "Babe," he calls me "Angel." He listens to me when I have a problem and gives me sweet advice.

Yes, I know I'm young and love is supposed to come later in life. Yes, it seems shady that I met him online and we have never talked face-to-face. I know I might be mistaking love for infatuation -- I've heard all this before. But I trust this boy to be faithful and supportive of me.

How can I tell if I love him or not? Should I cut off contact with him? Is it OK to feel the way I do? -- TEENAGE GIRL IN A DREAM

DEAR TEENAGE GIRL: I'm all for young love, but before plunging in, I think both parties should know with whom they are having the pleasure. Has it occurred to you that because you met this person online and have never spoken face-to-face that he might not be who he says he is?

The person you have described may not be a teenage boy in Tennessee. He could be an adult man (or woman) anywhere. He doesn't communicate in the language most teens of today use. He doesn't call you "hot," he doesn't call you "Babe." He is using terms that someone much older would use.

Personally, I think you should take a giant step backward until you and a more experienced adult in your life learn more about him. Adults who carry on online romances with 13-year-old girls are called predators for good reason.

life

Dear Abby for October 20, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 20th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years, "Taylor," and I are opposites in that I like to be on time and he is generally late. We usually work this out by leaving for an event I choose at the time I want, and leave for his friends' gatherings when he wants.

My problem is leaving for the airport when we travel together. We use public transportation, which takes 45 minutes, but things can go wrong and make it longer.

Taylor would like to leave so we arrive at the airport 45 minutes before our flights. This causes me a lot of stress because security lines can be long and I'm afraid of missing our plane. We have had to run through airports in order to avoid being left behind.

I'd like to be at the airport an hour and a half before flight time to be safe. Taylor hates waiting in the terminal when security is light and thinks we could be doing other things with our time. Please save me from our next argument and tell us who is right. -- FRAZZLED TRAVELER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FRAZZLED: You are. Better to be safe than sorry, especially when you have nonrefundable tickets. I have been on flights when seats were given to standby passengers because the ticketed passenger was held up for some reason. There are worse things than having to kill a half-hour at the airport. Missing your flight is one of them.

life

Woman's Healthy Eating Habits May Have Taken Unhealthy Turn

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 19th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have recently developed what I consider to be a very healthy lifestyle. I exercise, eat lots of fruits and vegetables and mostly whole foods.

My problem is I think I may be becoming obsessed. It has become harder and harder to eat away from home. I constantly plan what I'm going to eat next. I'm still happy, but too much of my time is being spent on this.

Apparently, there's a disorder similar to anorexia known as orthorexia. It's the psychological obsession with eating healthy. I don't think I could be classified as an extreme case, but what should I do before I become one? -- OBSESSED IN BOSTON

DEAR OBSESSED: As with any obsessive disorder, the first step is realizing and admitting you may have one. Then discuss it with your physician and ask for a referral to a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders.

This is not to say that you have a disorder -- but because more and more of your time is being devoted to thoughts of food, it would be a good idea to check. Too much of a good thing can be harmful if it is taken too far.

life

Dear Abby for October 19, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 19th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and have one child. I have been married for three years, and my husband has recently become physically abusive. He was prosecuted for his actions and pleaded guilty, but he still blames me entirely for the scenario and refuses to accept any responsibility.

I fear for the safety of myself and my daughter every day, and I want to leave him for good. Many of the shelters I have called require that I quit my job, which is something I feel is counterintuitive to establishing a life on my own, so I refuse. That said, I don't make much money, and the money I do make goes toward paying the fine my husband incurred for harming me.

Am I aiming too high? I feel the only way to break free from him entirely is to quit my job, but I don't want to have to resort to this. What would you advise? -- CONFLICTED OUT WEST

DEAR CONFLICTED: I would advise you to take your child and get out of there before the next episode of domestic violence. And, if you truly want to break free entirely from your abuser, that you follow to the letter the instructions you receive from the people at the domestic violence shelter. And one more thing: Let the person who incurred the fine pay it himself!

life

Dear Abby for October 19, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 19th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about office microwave etiquette. I work in a building with one kitchen for 40 people. Often there is a wait to use the microwave around lunchtime. Recently I needed to use it and found a warm packaged meal in there, and no owner around. I waited five minutes and came back. It was still there as if it had been forgotten.

I decided to place it on the counter with a napkin covering it so I could use the microwave. When I was finished, no one appeared to claim it, so I put it back in and went on my way.

Did I do the right thing? There was no way to know whose meal it was. What's proper in this situation? Should I have just waited? -- HUNGRY IN ITHACA, N.Y.

DEAR HUNGRY: You handled the situation appropriately. However, had it been me, I would have left the item on the counter so it wouldn't be touched by the other 38 hungry people in your office who also needed to use the microwave.

life

Marine Vet's Decision Making Hints at a More Serious Issue

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 18th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Worried Mom in Gainesville, Fla." (July 13), whose son was not allowed to re-enlist in the Marine Corps.

I hate to say this, but that young man knew darned well when he got those tattoos he would not be able to re-enlist. The U.S. Navy (which the Marine Corps "technically" falls under) passed the New Enlistment Tattoo Policy in January 2003, with the Marine Corps adding its policy in April 2007. -- SPOUSE OF RETIRED NAVY CPO

DEAR SPOUSE: You are correct. Many readers wrote to say the Navy had passed new tattoo policies in 2003 and the Marine Corps followed suit in 2007. If re-enlisting is so important to "Worried Mom's" son, all he needs to do is have his "tatts" removed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The issue isn't time served or his honorable discharge. The Marine Times recently published an article on Marine policy regarding tattoos. The Corps seeks to discourage full-sleeve tattoos and tattoos above the neck. They are regarded as unprofessional in appearance and may incorporate gang-related symbols. "Worried Mom's" son likely knew the guidelines.

The mother said her son is bored and lacks focus in college. This suggests he may have PTSD. His desire to enlist in the French Foreign Legion may have short-term gains, but it may also compound mental health problems. -- MARC IN SOUTH ORANGE, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: The nonsense about joining the French Foreign Legion shows that the young man lacks maturity. He chose to get the tattoos; he can either have laser removal or live with his decision. He wants to be a Marine and is crying about a regulation he does not like? That is definitely not Marine quality! It appears he needs a serious dose of maturity. -- CHRIS IN INDEPENDENCE, MO.

DEAR ABBY: The French Foreign Legion is a rational choice for this bored veteran of two tours in Iraq. After three five-year enlistments, he will be eligible to retire. Plus, the legion will prepare him for a civilian occupation.

He will be able to live in France after only one enlistment, which gives him the benefits of the French medical system. Many employers in Europe prefer to hire ex-legionnaires. The legion also has a history of teaching its recruits how to speak enough French to get along.

How do I know this? My brother joined the FFL at age 35. Wish I had, too. -- CHARLES IN FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Currently, the Australian forces are expanding and are unable to fill their ranks with their own citizens, so they are recruiting members from other nations. The mission of the Australian military is similar to the U.S. military. As a member of the Australian forces, he would be defending the same ideals as the U.S. military. I retired from the U.S. Navy last year and seriously considered doing this, too. -- RETIRED NAVY, REDMOND, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: This young man, like our son, is clearly experiencing the effects of PTSD. The impact of this disorder on our servicemen affects their ability to readjust to civilian life and move forward with positive life planning. The signs of PTSD can be subtle, but they are very real. The man in that letter needs professional help. His injuries, while not physically obvious, require attention. -- CONCERNED PARENTS

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