DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old stepson, "Justin," doesn't drink or do drugs. For the most part, he stays out of trouble. The problem is, he has been caught for the third time having unprotected sex.

My anger isn't at Justin so much as at his parents, obviously his father. Justin has lied repeatedly about this. His father lets him get away with many things, for the most part minor. But this is different. A 15-year-old boy can't take care of a baby, and having sex with multiple partners means exposing everyone involved to STDs.

My husband is a smart man, but for some reason he seems to think this will end well. I worry about his son becoming a father too soon and missing out on his full potential. My husband and his ex have dealt with this by trying to ignore it, and for the most part I haven't involved myself. But the more I think about it, the more I see the danger of Justin's life being changed forever because his parents don't want to make him unhappy for a minute.

I love my husband and stepson. Allowing this to continue isn't the right path for anyone. Am I overreacting? If not, what can I do that won't cause a huge blowup with my husband? -- ALARMED IN CHICAGO

DEAR ALARMED: You're not overreacting. Your husband is doing his son no favors by enabling his irresponsible behavior instead of asserting himself and acting like a parent. Justin may think that fathering a child will make him a "real man." But unless your husband can get through to him that real men take care of themselves and their partners, and real men don't risk bringing children into the world they can't take care of, then face it: He's letting his son play baby roulette, and it's only a matter of time until he'll be a grandpa.

DEAR ABBY: My son has a wonderful girlfriend, "Michelle." They live with my ex-husband and visit my husband, "Daryl," and me twice a month and on special occasions. Michelle is sweet, caring, smart and funny. The problem is, she doesn't wear a bra. Ever.

Relatives have commented about it to us at family gatherings because she's not flat-chested. We already know. It's obvious. Daryl feels a woman should go without a bra only in the privacy of her own home, and I agree. He thinks I should buy Michelle a bra as a "subtle hint." I don't think that's wise, and I don't want to offend her.

Because it doesn't seem to matter to my son, should we continue to keep our opinions to ourselves? -- SEES A NEED FOR SUPPORT IN FLORIDA

DEAR SEES A NEED: Because people are talking, it would be a kindness to say something to Michelle -- but delicately, so she doesn't think you are criticizing her. If you have a good relationship with her, invite her to join you for lunch and, while you're on the subject of the last gathering, mention that some of the relatives noticed her bralessness. Then tell her that you need to go lingerie shopping and invite her along. Ask her to help you pick out a few pretty things for yourself, and then offer to treat her to some things she likes. She just may take you up on it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for eight months. She has an occasional habit that makes me wonder whether we got married too young. (She's 23, I'm 27 and we're both in graduate school.)

She likes to go out with a group of her friends from high school or with her sister and her sister's friends, get drunk and stay the night. It doesn't happen all the time -- several times a year -- and I'm not worried about her cheating on me. I try not to be the controlling husband and say she "can't" go out. But it bothers me that she wants to spend the night with her single friends and get drunk. If I try to talk to her about it, she gets angry and says she doesn't get to see her friends very often.

I don't understand why her socializing always has to involve drinking and staying out all night. Her sister is my age and has a career in education, but still likes hosting these parties. I wonder how long it will take my wife to outgrow this phase. Am I being controlling? What should I do? -- GETTING FRUSTRATED IN PONTIAC, MICH.

DEAR GETTING FRUSTRATED: Your wife appears to be trying to hold onto her carefree single days, and it's a shame she can't do that without getting herself soused and staying out all night. On the other hand, if she's in no condition to get behind the wheel, then it's better that she not drive until she sobers up.

I don't think saying what's on your mind is "controlling." I suspect your wife becomes angry because she is defensive.

Her behavior is immature, and how long it will take her to outgrow this "phase" is anybody's guess. I recommend that you both widen your circle of friends so you spend more time with other married couples who are more mature than your wife's sister and high school friends appear to be.

DEAR ABBY: I have reached a crossroad in my life. Just when I thought I had everything, from the house with the white picket fence to the family dog and children, I have learned something about my husband. He had never opened up about himself other than to say he was raised by his father and stepmom who abused him as a child.

As I was cleaning out a closet and getting rid of some things, I came across his old briefcase, which I opened to see if anything of importance was inside before tossing it. To my shock, there were photos and a DVD of what seemed like pornography of himself and other women.

I can respect past relationships, but having done something like this and kept the evidence is very troubling to me. I find myself needing closure, but when I try to talk to him, he brushes me off. I feel betrayed, unsure who I married and lost about what else to do. What do you advise? -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: How old does your husband appear to be in those photos? If they are recent, then it is important that you get to the bottom of this -- and counseling may help you find the answers you're looking for.

However, if they are not recent, let the past stay buried. Some women keep old love letters long after the romance is over. And some men keep old pictures like the ones you found.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a professional office where nearly all my co-workers are married and live rather uneventful lifestyles. I was divorced a few years ago and have not remarried.

I have dated a lot of women, and it has become an issue with my co-workers. They insist on hearing about the dates I go on and ask for the details of what took place, and I usually oblige them.

Lately, there has been more and more gossip about my so-called "wild lifestyle," and I have become the talk of the office. Some co-workers have called me names like "skank" because I refuse to settle down with one girl. I'm looking for the right one, and it may take many wrong ones to get there.

I think my co-workers are jealous. I'm living my life to the fullest and having fun and because they can't do what I do, they resort to gossip and name-calling. It really frustrates me. How can I make this stop without causing unnecessary tensions in my workplace? -- MAN IN MOTION IN INDIANA

DEAR MAN IN MOTION: You are not a "skank." You are a bachelor. I hope you realize that you started this by regaling your co-workers with the intimate details of your "adventures." None of it was appropriate workplace conversation. If you want this to stop, you'll have to draw an iron curtain between your work life and your social life. Start today.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged and have been for a while. From the beginning I knew my fiance and I would have to pay for our own wedding. During a recent discussion with my father (who is divorced from my mother), he offered to chip in a reasonable amount and asked me to see if my mother would match it. My mother thought it was a great idea and agreed. A week or so later she wrote me a check for the amount and I deposited it into my savings account.

At the time, I had a high-paying job and a "roundabout" wedding date set. I have since left my job and the wedding has been postponed indefinitely. My mother has now requested that I return the money because she's behind on bills.

Frankly, I think it is inappropriate for her to ask me to return "her" money when it was a gift that I did not request at the time. Am I wrong, or should she leave the money be? -- ENGAGED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ENGAGED: When your mother gave you the money toward your wedding, both of your financial situations were different than they are today. This isn't a question of etiquette. Because you won't be needing it in the near future, return the money to your mother so she can pay her bills. It's not as if she'll be using it for a Caribbean cruise. She needs the money!

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband have a wonderful little boy, "Matthew," who is 3. They say they don't plan on having any more children. I am upset that they won't be giving my grandson a sibling. They claim the reason is to be earth-friendly, but I think it is selfish. I know my urging won't change the situation, but it weighs heavily on my mind and makes me sad for Matthew.

My daughter has a brother she is close to. Her husband has two siblings. I think the main reason they don't want any more children is my son-in-law is 17 years older than my daughter. Is there any good way for me to tell her how upset this makes me? -- DISAPPOINTED IN OREGON

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: No, there isn't. There may be reasons that go beyond your son-in-law's age for their decision to limit the size of their family to one child. And they are none of your business.