life

Blessings From Salesclerks Rub Customer the Wrong Way

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 14th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Several salespersons recently have ended our transaction by saying, "Have a blessed day." The last two times it happened, I stopped and asked, "What do you mean by that?" Both of them stammered and didn't know what to say.

One said, "I'm sort of religious." I replied that I'm atheist. I don't think these folks realize what they're saying. The next time it happens, I plan to respond by asking Zeus to bestow blessings upon them as well.

Why do people feel they have a right to force their religious beliefs on customers? -- ANNOYED ATHEIST IN TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED ATHEIST: I seriously doubt they are trying to proselytize. The expression may be regional. Or the person may feel that "blessed" is synonymous with "good," "happy" or "safe." If you wish to invoke the blessings of Zeus upon them, feel free to do so. But don't be surprised if you have a heck of a time getting waited on the next time you visit the establishment.

life

Dear Abby for October 14, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 14th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Ward" for two years. I love him and everything is great except for one thing. He refuses to compromise when it comes to his family functions.

He's very close to his extended family, and every time there's an event like a recent graduation party for a cousin, he never wants to leave. We were there for 10 hours, and I spent more than half of it either alone or talking to someone I didn't know well because Ward had ditched me.

I have spoken to him about this, but he's unwilling to compromise. He says his family knows him as "the social guy" and expects him to stay late and be the life of the party. It's getting old that he makes me feel like the bad guy or a party-pooper when I want to leave.

We have had big fights over this. I'm not sure what to do. This has caused a rift in our relationship. -- FAMILY-FUNCTIONED OUT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR FAMILY-FUNCTIONED OUT: When the next family function rolls around, go in separate cars. That way you can leave when you get tired, and Ward can stay as long as he wants. No harm, no foul, no fights.

life

Dear Abby for October 14, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 14th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 24. Five years later we divorced. My current husband, "Gil," had a similar short first marriage.

Although Gil and I have chosen not to divulge any information to our two children about our previous marriages, my sister thinks we should tell them everything because they may find out later in life and be disappointed they didn't hear it from us. She has said on many occasions that we are being dishonest. That is certainly not our intention. We truly believe there's no reason to bring up a past that has no benefit in their lives.

Your advice is badly needed because I see my relationship with my sister spiraling in a downward direction. I love her, but I don't agree with her opinion. -- LIVES IN THE PRESENT

DEAR LIVES IN THE PRESENT: I see no reason to make a "grand announcement" to your children, but with the rate at which marriages fail in this country, I also see no reason to keep this a deep, dark secret. If the subject of what makes a successful marriage comes up when your children are old enough, and you think it could be helpful to them, you might be able to impart some important life lessons if you mention the past. Having been married once previously isn't a shameful secret, and it should not be treated like one.

life

Teen on a Short Leash Wants More Freedom From Parents

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 13th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and go to a high school with drug addicts and girls who are lucky they aren't pregnant. (Some are.) My father thinks I'm like them even though I have proven time and again that I'm not. I have a 4.0 GPA and have never done drugs or had sex.

I'm not allowed to drive anywhere without my mother accompanying me. If I want to go on a date with my boyfriend, my parents must be present. I have lost friends who are tired of having to hang with my parents and me. I have tried telling my dad this, but he claims I'm being ridiculous and then picks a fight with me. I suggested family counseling, but Dad refused. He says we don't have the money.

What do I do? I just want to be a normal teenager who can hang out without my parents following me everywhere. -- TIRED TEEN IN WYOMING

DEAR TIRED TEEN: You have my sympathy. You have caring and conscientious parents, who appear to have gone overboard in trying to shelter you. By age 17 -- and with a 4.0 GPA -- you should have been allowed to socialize without a constant chaperone. That's how teens learn to develop relationships and make mature decisions.

In another year you will be 18 and an adult. If there is an adult relative in whom you can confide, ask that person to please speak to your parents on your behalf. You should be experiencing more freedom than you have been allowed.

life

Dear Abby for October 13, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 13th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 60s and have no plans to retire. I raised a child on my own and wasn't able to save much for retirement, and my office retirement plan disappeared during the recession in 2008.

Because of my age, people young and old often ask when I plan to retire. I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation as to why I continue to work, and I plan on working as long as I can. I usually say I can't afford to retire, but then I get a response like, "I sure hope I'm not working at your age," or "You can get Social Security," etc. Any idea how I should respond to let these people know it's none of their business? -- MIFFED IN MENLO PARK

DEAR MIFFED: All you have to do is smile and say, "Retire? I'm just getting started!"

life

Dear Abby for October 13, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 13th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 60s and have no plans to retire. I raised a child on my own and wasn't able to save much for retirement, and my office retirement plan disappeared during the recession in 2008.

Because of my age, people young and old often ask when I plan to retire. I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation as to why I continue to work, and I plan on working as long as I can. I usually say I can't afford to retire, but then I get a response like, "I sure hope I'm not working at your age," or "You can get Social Security," etc. Any idea how I should respond to let these people know it's none of their business? -- MIFFED IN MENLO PARK

DEAR MIFFED: All you have to do is smile and say, "Retire? I'm just getting started!"

life

Woman Feels Guilt Over Two Families She Helped Shatter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 12th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Two men have left their wives for me. The relationship I had with the first one ended very badly (his choice). The second started shortly thereafter, and I am still with him.

When the first man found out, he tried to resume seeing me and became verbally abusive and harassed me when I wouldn't. He hasn't returned to his wife and has tried twice to commit suicide.

Both of these men are now divorced, and their ex-wives and children are understandably bitter. Even though they made the decision to leave without me asking them to -- or even being aware that they were going to -- I feel guilty having a hand in ending two marriages.

I'm sure the last thing either the wives or the children would want from me is an apology or any contact at all. What else can I do to come to terms with and accept what happened? -- THE OTHER WOMAN

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: You appear to be carrying a large burden of guilt. And that's a good thing. There is nothing you can do to make amends to the families you have helped ruin because you can't change the past. All you can do is vow that in the future you won't fool around with any more married men. And then stick to it.

life

Dear Abby for October 12, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 12th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When I was 9, my mother knitted me a small blanket, about the size of a baby's. I lost her to cancer a year later, when I was 10. Since then, I have carried it with me everywhere.

I am 26 now and married. I still have the blanket and carry it with me in my purse. Recently, I mentioned it to my husband and some friends. They were not supportive like I thought they would be. They made fun of me and called me "immature."

I got defensive and told them it was a reminder of my mother. My husband said I should keep a picture of her instead and throw the blanket away.

Abby, now I feel insecure and childish. Is a security blanket normal for someone my age, or should I just listen to my friends? -- MRS. LINUS IN TEXAS

DEAR MRS. LINUS: Your question is not as unusual as you may think. It has appeared in my column before.

Considering the story behind the blanket, I understand why you are so attached to it. Lack of maturity has nothing to do with this. The connection to the mother you lost at such a tender age has everything to do with it.

Your husband and friends appear to have hides of "pure Corinthian leather." Do whatever makes you comfortable and do not apologize for it.

life

Dear Abby for October 12, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 12th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law goes through my mail and any items on my desk at home. She used to do it in secret and would stop when she got caught. Now she does it in front of me, but never when my husband is around.

I don't care why she's doing it; I just want her to stop. How do I relay that to her without offending her? -- FRUSTRATED SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because you can't bring yourself to tell your mother-in-law plainly that what she's doing is rude and nosy, when you know she's coming over, put your papers out of sight.

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