DEAR ABBY: Two men have left their wives for me. The relationship I had with the first one ended very badly (his choice). The second started shortly thereafter, and I am still with him.

When the first man found out, he tried to resume seeing me and became verbally abusive and harassed me when I wouldn't. He hasn't returned to his wife and has tried twice to commit suicide.

Both of these men are now divorced, and their ex-wives and children are understandably bitter. Even though they made the decision to leave without me asking them to -- or even being aware that they were going to -- I feel guilty having a hand in ending two marriages.

I'm sure the last thing either the wives or the children would want from me is an apology or any contact at all. What else can I do to come to terms with and accept what happened? -- THE OTHER WOMAN

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: You appear to be carrying a large burden of guilt. And that's a good thing. There is nothing you can do to make amends to the families you have helped ruin because you can't change the past. All you can do is vow that in the future you won't fool around with any more married men. And then stick to it.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 9, my mother knitted me a small blanket, about the size of a baby's. I lost her to cancer a year later, when I was 10. Since then, I have carried it with me everywhere.

I am 26 now and married. I still have the blanket and carry it with me in my purse. Recently, I mentioned it to my husband and some friends. They were not supportive like I thought they would be. They made fun of me and called me "immature."

I got defensive and told them it was a reminder of my mother. My husband said I should keep a picture of her instead and throw the blanket away.

Abby, now I feel insecure and childish. Is a security blanket normal for someone my age, or should I just listen to my friends? -- MRS. LINUS IN TEXAS

DEAR MRS. LINUS: Your question is not as unusual as you may think. It has appeared in my column before.

Considering the story behind the blanket, I understand why you are so attached to it. Lack of maturity has nothing to do with this. The connection to the mother you lost at such a tender age has everything to do with it.

Your husband and friends appear to have hides of "pure Corinthian leather." Do whatever makes you comfortable and do not apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law goes through my mail and any items on my desk at home. She used to do it in secret and would stop when she got caught. Now she does it in front of me, but never when my husband is around.

I don't care why she's doing it; I just want her to stop. How do I relay that to her without offending her? -- FRUSTRATED SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because you can't bring yourself to tell your mother-in-law plainly that what she's doing is rude and nosy, when you know she's coming over, put your papers out of sight.

DEAR ABBY: My life has always been scary. My parents divorced when I was 3. Dad always seemed to cause trouble for Mom, who struggled to provide for me and my older sister. She always struggled with alcohol and drugs.

I have spent a portion of my life incarcerated, starting when I was a teenager. I'm now 22 and doing time for selling drugs. I have never been able to find a decent job, although I have my GED and tried to attend a school for nursing, but I screwed it up. Selling drugs seemed to be the only way to make enough to support myself.

I'd like to find a decent job with opportunity, and be able to pay my bills and save a little. I'm tired of my crazy lifestyle and want to settle down. How can I go about finding a job? Keep in mind, I don't have a resume and although I have had many jobs, I never stayed very long, and I have a criminal record. -- SERVING TIME IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SERVING TIME: I admire that you have decided to change your life and walk the "straight and narrow" from now on. A place to start would be to talk to the prison chaplain. Some religious denominations have programs in place to help inmates and former inmates successfully transition back into society.

The oldest prison/re-entry group in the country is the Pennsylvania Prison Society. Their website is at prisonsociety.org. If they don't serve the community into which you will be released, they will know an organization that does. Their re-entry program helps former prisoners attain self-sufficiency through a four-day job readiness workshop, which teaches the skills necessary to find and keep a job. Pre-registration is recommended, and their phone number is 215-564-6005, ext. 117. Call Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.

DEAR ABBY: I had my first boyfriend when I was 16. The relationship lasted 13 years and we had a child together. Now that it's over I don't know what to do.

It has been nine months and it seems like my heartache is getting worse. I can't breathe. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stepped on. It hurts even more because he started dating immediately after the breakup. I can't even talk to another man. I feel lost and have never been on a date with anyone but my ex.

I feel like I deprived myself of my youth. I cry every day. I can barely watch or see couples without getting depressed and breaking down. I need to see some type of light. Do you have any advice? -- DEPRIVED OF MY YOUTH

DEAR DEPRIVED: Nine months is a long time to cry every day. You have been hit with what I call a "double-whammy." You are grieving for your lost relationship, and because this was your first and only one, you never learned how to handle a broken romance.

A counselor can help you through your grieving process and, in addition, help you to build the social skills you will need to move forward. Please don't put it off. Do this not only for yourself but also for your child so you can be the most effective parent you can be.

DEAR ABBY: I am the single dad of two teenage boys (17 and 18) who are both in high school. I am wondering about something they do with their friends. The boys take showers in large groups. When they come in from running or sports, or if a group is spending the night, they shower in groups of two, three or four. It's not like we have a huge shower -- it's normal size.

I know there's nothing sexual going on because I can hear them talking and joking around. When I asked the boys about this, they looked at me like I had two heads. They said it was just a social thing and the same as showering together after football in the school gym.

They also "air dry" after showers by walking around in towels, sometimes watching TV or goofing off for hours while in their towels. When going out, they get naked in the bathroom, fixing their hair, shaving, brushing their teeth, etc. It's like a big "nude fest" with them and their friends.

While I'm glad they are comfortable with their bodies and who they are, it still bothers me somewhat. Am I being a prude in thinking this is unusual or inappropriate? -- STUMPED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR STUMPED: I see nothing inappropriate about what your sons and their friends are doing. Nor do I want to label you a prude. You are just not as comfortable in your skin as your sons and their "jock" friends are. Is it possible that they take after their mother?

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I do everything together and I love her, so when she showed up at the gym in "booty shorts," I didn't say a word, even though they don't flatter her one bit. Heck, there's a mirror on every wall, so she must have liked what she saw, and it's none of my business.

When she wore them to a school sporting event, my husband accused me of being a "bad friend" for not telling her that her rear view was getting the wrong kind of attention. Some of the other parents in the bleachers were snickering.

I guess if the situation were reversed, I'd want my best friend to give me a hint, but I'm not exactly sure how to do it. Am I wrong to just keep my mouth shut and mind my own business? -- ANONYMOUS IN A SMALL TOWN

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Allow me to provide a couple of hints. First, tell your friend when you are alone and can't be overheard, which will spare her unnecessary embarrassment. Second, ask, "When you bought those shorts, did you get a look at yourself from the back?" If she says no, provide her with a mirror so she can look over her shoulder at herself. Then explain that at the school event, some of the other parents were staring, and not too kindly.

You will be doing her a favor to speak up. That is what friendship is all about. And if she's smart, she'll thank you.

DEAR ABBY: I met this beautiful and awesome lady last Saturday and slept with her that night. Sunday, we spent most of the day texting back and forth. I asked her to dinner on Monday and she accepted. We did more texting on Tuesday night, which I initiated.

So, my question is, how much texting and pursuing is too much in trying to hang out with this woman? I'm really interested in her. -- PRETTY COOL DUDE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR PRETTY COOL DUDE: How about giving her 24 hours to catch her breath? Because she keeps saying yes, the signs are good so far. Just be careful that in your enthusiasm your ardor doesn't come across as overwhelming. If you do all the chasing, you'll deprive her of the pleasure of chasing you back.