DEAR READERS: If you like the way things are going, vote. If you don't like the way things are going, vote. If you have never voted before, vote. (Don't be embarrassed by your ignorance -- when you get there, they'll show you how.)

If you're not registered to vote and don't know where to register, contact the League of Women Voters, your county registrar's office or your secretary of state's office for details. All are listed in your phone directory or online. The deadlines for registering vary from state to state.

Don't let anything -- or anybody -- keep you from voting on Tuesday, Nov. 6. It may be the most important thing you will do all year.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a divorced woman for four years. She said in the beginning that she had very little sexual experience because her former husband "had problems," but decided after the divorce to find out what she was missing. She hasn't discussed this in detail, but once in a while she lets out little snippets of information that lead me to believe she was active.

Do I have a right, now that we're engaged, to know how many partners she had since the divorce? She's being evasive about it. -- WONDERING WIDOWER

DEAR WONDERING: No, you do not have that "right," because if she answers the question, your next questions will be what are their names, how many times did she sleep with them and were they better than you are in bed. Sometimes it is wiser to leave the past in the past and simply appreciate the special relationship you have with the person you love.

DEAR ABBY: "Webbed in Columbia, Md." wondered what kind of spider went up the waterspout (July 8). Well, it depends on the location of that spout. Waterspouts in England, Australia (and I'm guessing Canada) attract spiders that are "incy wincy." American waterspouts are climbed by "itsy bitsy" spiders. (And at this time of year we see really big ones.)

Between English-speaking countries there are also slightly different lyrics for "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Ring Around the Rosie." Because my hubby and I are from opposite sides of the Atlantic "pond," our son is learning multiple versions of many things. -- SUNKISSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR SUNKISSED: Readers young and old responded to that letter, and you are correct that it depends upon which side of the pond you hail from. In the United States, it's also "teensy weensy" and "itty bitty." In Switzerland, it's "inky dinky." And then there was the following submission:

DEAR ABBY: The confusion may stem from "Webbed's" family members having confused the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" poem (song) with the "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" song. The spider song I learned in school and the bikini song I heard when my dad belted it out. It made us all laugh. Thanks for the memories. -- KAREN IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: I need to let off some steam, because the more I think about an incident that happened last summer, the madder I get.

My sister and I take turns (a few days at a time) caring for our 91-year-old mother, who has Alzheimer's and can't be left alone.

My family lives 60 miles from my mother, so before returning to my home for the Fourth of July, I took flowers to the family cemetery, which is close to Mom's house. It's something I do every year, and the tradition holds great meaning for me.

It was late afternoon on Saturday when I took wreaths I had made for each of my grandparents, an uncle, my precious son (who was 5 years old when he died), and my dear late sister who was recently laid to rest.

Each wreath was unique -- I had carefully chosen favorite flowers and colors. Even though the wreaths were artificial, they were pretty, and I felt proud to display them on the graves of my loved ones.

The following evening, my sister called me after she had delivered her flowers to the cemetery. I was shocked to hear the news that my offerings were no longer on the graves -- someone had taken them! (I am positive that the wind hadn't blown them away because I was careful to secure them in the ground.)

I have heard stories about people stealing floral displays from graves to put on other graves -- even selling them at yard sales. However, I have come up with a solution: The next time I take a wreath to the cemetery, I'll put on my rubber gloves and add poison ivy to the greenery. -- ITCHING TO GET EVEN IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ITCHING: I don't blame you for being angry, and your solution is both clever and diabolical. However, as much as you would like to get even with the wreath thief, please don't do anything rash. An innocent person -- like a groundskeeper -- might pick up the wreath and suffer the consequences.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a beautiful, fairy-tale wedding. When it came time for the bride and groom to cut the cake, the groom fed his bride a bite and then smashed the rest all over her face. It went all over her dress and destroyed her makeup. I'm sure she was angry and humiliated.

I have been to lots of weddings over the years and have seen this happen over and over. I'm not old, Abby, I'm only 35 -- so no one can say I'm a crotchety old woman.

My point is, this man had just promised to love, cherish, honor and endow his bride with all his worldly goods. Then he negated his vow with a blatant disregard for her self-respect in front of family and friends. I'm all for food and fun, in its place. However, I don't feel a day that has been planned and prepared for months -- and sometimes years, wads of money spent for a dress, veil, makeup, etc. -- deserves to be defiled.

I have also seen grooms treated this way by brides. It is just wrong! -- OFFENDED IN GRAND PRAIRIE, TEXAS

DEAR OFFENDED: I agree. Not only is it wrong, but it is also an indication of the perpetrator's level of immaturity.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago I remarried and gained three great stepkids. I'm worried about the oldest, who is a senior (18). She doesn't care about school anymore. She's smart enough. When she tries, she gets A's. But when she doesn't want to do the work, she gets F's. There is no in-between. She's capable, but lazy.

Her youngest sister (12) is doing the same thing now, too. Neither one is using drugs or alcohol or skipping school. They are fundamentally good kids. I recognize that it's laziness because I did the same thing 30 years ago. What turned me around was the U.S. Navy. I literally grew up on an aircraft carrier.

Abby, until now I had only sons. I understand boys and men. Having daughters now is a very steep learning curve. I need suggestions on how to help their mom parent them through this rough period. I love our children deeply and want to be the kind of stepdad God wants me to be for them. -- CLUELESS STEPDAD

DEAR CLUELESS: For a man who signed himself clueless, you have clear insight. You and your wife should schedule an appointment with the oldest girl's school counselor and find out to what degree her grade point average has been affected by her "laziness."

Then ask your stepdaughter what she plans to do after high school. Does she plan to go straight into a minimum-wage job -- if she can find one -- with little chance of advancement? Trade school? College? If she wants to further her education, she needs to understand that schools pay attention to applicants' high school records. At 18, she should be treated like the young adult she is, and you and her mother deserve some answers.

The 12-year-old is another story. Find out from her teachers whether she has fallen behind in any of her classes and see that she gets tutoring if she needs to catch up. Make sure she completes her homework assignments. You and her mother should impress upon her that you expect the best she's capable of, and for good grades there will be rewards just as for poor grades there will be consequences, such as reduced privileges. Then practice what you preach.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired. He has a small farm, which isn't profitable, so he calls it his "hobby" farm.

When we retired, we agreed to have our main meal at noon every day. I work hard to have a nutritious meal on the table promptly at 12 noon. My husband knows this, but he comes in from working whenever he's ready -- sometimes hours late.

He always has an excuse. He has a cellphone and could call to let me know he's going to be late, but he rarely does. When he finally gets in, the food is cold and I am upset.

He thinks I'm "unreasonable" to expect him to be on time or call. He has never cooked a meal in his life, so he has no idea what is involved. I'm fed up with his behavior and need some suggestions on how to handle this. -- BOILING MAD IN ALABAMA

DEAR BOILING MAD: Perhaps agreeing to have your main meal together at noon was unrealistic. Talk calmly to your husband and ask if it would be more practical to schedule it for 1 p.m. or 2 p.m. That he wouldn't call to let you know he's running late does seem inconsiderate, and if the problem persists, it might be better for both of you if his "main meal" consists of a sandwich he makes for himself whenever he finally returns home.