DEAR ABBY: I thought "Arlene" was a close friend until I heard that she and another "friend" had arranged a trip to the theater. Several other women were also invited, but I wasn't. I should point out that when Arlene and I attended shows in the past, I was always the one buying the tickets.

I paid for her golf dues last October because she was a little short, and she still owes me about $1,000. I provided her transportation to the golf club for the last four years because she doesn't have a car. Arlene and I have shared many shopping trips together, and I have always picked up the tab for lunch.

What's your take on this? I'm crushed!-- LEFT OUT

DEAR LEFT OUT: If this was a one-time event, then it's time to straighten up and "uncrush" yourself because, regardless of how much money you have invested in your relationship with Arlene, you don't "own" her. My take on this is that in your zeal to be a good friend you have gone overboard.

If being excluded is an ongoing problem, then you and this woman are not as close as you assumed, or she has decided to take a breather. In that case, my advice is to work out a payment plan for the golf dues you are owed and widen your circle of friends.

DEAR ABBY: We have a large condo in Florida and are thrilled to have family and friends visit. I keep a small calendar of our appointments, events, etc. in the corner of my kitchen. A few of our visitors have made it their business to read the calendar and ask me who and what these events are all about.

My husband and I have been having some marriage problems and are seeing a therapist. One relative noticed these appointments and wanted to know "what that was all about"! Abby, isn't it rude to read someone's personal calendar and ask these kinds of questions? I must leave the calendar where it can be seen or my husband doesn't remember medical appointments, etc. -- CALENDAR GIRL

DEAR CALENDAR GIRL: Of course it's rude to read someone's personal calendar. (It's called snooping.) Before the next houseguests come to visit, relocate the calendar to a private area. Then remind your husband about his appointments. That way he will know the schedule, and there will be nothing to arouse anyone's curiosity.

DEAR ABBY: Why can't bakeries slice English muffins and bagels completely through? Nobody eats either one without toasting them and slicing them first.

Along the same line: Why do loaves of bread have "ends"? Everybody throws them away and they are wasted. -- MINA IN KELSO, WASH.

DEAR MINA: English muffins aren't meant to be sliced. To prepare them at their best, they should be purchased whole and the perimeter perforated using a fork so the muffin can then be torn apart before toasting. This leaves lots of irregular nooks and crannies so when they are buttered, they are even more succulent.

As to the ends of bread loaves (called "heels"), not everyone throws them away, just as not everyone cuts the crusts off. Some people enjoy the heels because they make for a chewier sandwich.

DEAR ABBY: America's tradesmen -- plumbers, electricians, auto mechanics, roofers, masons and more -- get very little respect. In fact, the only time these skilled professionals get our attention is when we have an emergency.

This lack of regard is leading our nation down an unfortunate pathway, as fewer and fewer young people pursue jobs in these professions. If we don't change our attitude about the worth of tradesmen, who will build our homes and schools, repair our cars, keep our water flowing and our power turned on?

On Sept. 21, we have a chance to thank a tradesman. The date has been earmarked as National Tradesmen Day. Everyone can participate: Drop a box of doughnuts at the job site near your home. Call your plumber and say, "Thank you for your help over the years." Invite a skilled tradesman to speak at your child's school. The ways to honor them are limitless. Abby, would you help to get the word out? -- JEFF D. IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR JEFF: I'm pleased to help because I agree with your message. Tradespeople don't often receive the respect and gratitude they deserve. Everyone needs to know his or her efforts are valued and appreciated, and failure to extend this courtesy may affect our quality of life in the coming decades.

In years past, skilled trades were handed down with pride from one generation to the next. However, as baby boomers have been retiring, fewer young people have been stepping forward to take their place. In fact, according to a recent talent shortage survey by ManpowerGroup, more jobs for skilled tradesmen go unfilled than any other category of employment.

Why? Because there aren't enough trained replacements to fill openings for electricians, welders, mechanics, plumbers, roofers and more.

Part of the reason may be our emphasis on pursuing advanced college degrees for almost everyone. But another may be the lack of respect that has been shown for these vital occupations. The result has been, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, that for every three tradesmen who retire, only one person is stepping up to fill the gap.

I hear from many readers whose young adult children are unable to find work. Talk with them about this. People in the trades can earn good money. Visit a local community college with your son or daughter and learn more about classes and certifications available for skilled trades.

And please, show tradespeople how much their contributions are valued. Call your favorite handyman, plumber and HVAC technician not to once again scream for help, but to express your appreciation. Treat them to a box of your special home-baked cookies or brownies, refer them to your friends and family so they can get additional business, write to your local newspapers, websites or blogs expressing your appreciation.

Visit nationaltradesmenday.com, and please remember, these hardworking individuals need to know that although National Tradesmen Day is Friday, we are grateful for their efforts the other 364 days a year, too.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 41-year-old divorced mother of two and grandmother of two. I own my own business, God blessed me with my first home two years ago, and I'm happier than I have been in years.

I'm writing because I have been seeing a man for about six months whom I met at church. We have attended the same church for about two years. "Gavin" has never been married, has no children and doesn't want any.

We have a great time together. We act like teenagers in love. I know he's not seeing anyone else because we spend too much time together. Gavin calls me four to five times a day, brings me lunch at work and takes me out to eat all the time. He constantly buys me presents and helps my daughter out with money when things get tight. He has even helped me financially a few times and refuses to let me pay him back. I am falling in love with him.

My problem? Every time I try to let Gavin know how I feel, he tells me not to let that happen. It's not what he wants, and he wants me to stop. (Yeah, right! Like I can turn my feelings on and off.) Anyway, he says we are not a couple, and I am free to do whatever I want to do.

Am I asking too much to want us to take this relationship to a new level? He shows all the signs of being in love with me by the way he treats me. His mixed signals are confusing. Am I really that naive? -- UNSURE IN GREENSBORO, N.C.

DEAR UNSURE: You are not naive. Hope springs eternal in the breast, and you are only human.

When a man tells you he wants you to be free and to do whatever you want to do, what he really means is he wants to be free to do whatever he wants to do. As much as Gavin cares for you, it's not enough for him to make a lifetime commitment. So, if being married is your goal, recognize that this honest, but reluctant Prince Charming is not for you.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old daughter, "Lisa," informed me a year ago that she was engaged. She's a college graduate living in another state and still looking for a job. Her fiance is a young Marine who plans to make it a career.

Lisa was visiting this weekend and gave us the wedding date, which is in three months. She already has her invitations and bridesmaids picked out, etc.

As she was leaving, she broke down and said she had "something to tell me." They were married six months ago. She still wants to continue with her "wedding" plans, and have me walk her down the aisle.

My wife and I are extremely hurt and angry for having been lied to all this time. My question is, should I go along with this charade? Any other wisdom to impart? -- LISA'S DISAPPOINTED DAD

DEAR DAD: At least your daughter told you in advance. I have heard from parents who didn't learn the truth until months or years after the "wedding." Feeling as you do, calmly convey your thoughts to your daughter as you have done so clearly in your letter.

As to any "other wisdom" I would offer: As a low-ranking member of the military, Lisa's husband isn't going to make a lot of money until he climbs the promotional ladder. Their money would be better invested in other ways than the wedding of her dreams. They can reaffirm their vows later, in a way that is open, honest and less expensive.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts. This is the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. "Leshana tova tikatevu" -- may each of us be inscribed in the Book of Life and enjoy a good year.