DEAR ABBY: My father left my mother after 32 years of marriage. To say Mom was devastated would be putting it mildly. She tried to keep things cordial for the sake of her four kids, but Dad spurned her efforts.

My three brothers and I are now married with children of our own. Only recently have I been able to express how ashamed I am of myself and my siblings for the despicable way we have treated our mother for the past 17 years.

Dad was always arrogant, but he became even worse when he came into money. In our lives, Dad became No. 1. The reason? You guessed it -- the money. We put our mother down every chance we got, and our spouses chimed right in. We visited her only once or twice a year and never repaid the money she lent us. She knew she wasn't wanted or respected. Dad is clueless to the fact that we hang around only because of what we can get (and have gotten) from him. This is still true of my brothers, but I no longer want any part of this charade.

Mom is gone now. No, she hasn't passed away. She quietly moved out of our lives and I don't know where she is. I don't blame her for leaving. The abuse she took from us shouldn't happen to a dog. When I look back, I remember a mother who held a full-time job, kept a marvelous home, was a great cook and had a wonderful laugh and sensitivity. She didn't smoke, drink or cheat on Dad. Was she perfect? Of course not; none of us is.

All she wanted after the divorce was to be loved by her kids and spend time with her grandkids. Now the grandkids are growing up without knowing this wonderful woman.

Mom, if you see this letter, I love you dearly. I hope you can someday forgive me for all the years of hateful remarks and unkind deeds. The pain you must have suffered is something I'll have to live with the rest of my life. You are a class act, and I'm going to live the rest of my life trying to emulate your values and quiet dignity. -- MISSING MY MOM IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR MISSING: If you're truly sorry, it's time to tell your mother personally and ask her forgiveness. Do whatever it takes to locate her, including hiring a private detective if necessary. It may be expensive, but use some of the money you got from Dear Old Dad.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 81-year-old grandmother who blindly trusted that my annual Pap smear exam would provide early detection for any type of uterine cancer.

It took a diagnosis of uterine cancer that resulted in a subsequent hysterectomy for me to discover that this test is not enough. Although the Pap test should be part of a regular checkup, it only checks for cervical cancer. Except when hormone therapy is being taken, any bleeding, spotting or abnormal discharge following menopause is not normal and should be reported at once to your doctor. -- GEORGIA GRANDMOTHER

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: I'm pleased that your cancer was caught in time. However, whether a woman is pre- or post-menopausal -- and whether or not she is on hormone therapy -- she should immediately alert her doctor to any abnormal bleeding, spotting or discharge. These symptoms are not just warning signs of cancer. They could also indicate a polyp that needs removal, or a sexually transmitted disease.

DEAR ABBY: I'm really bad when it comes to speaking. It's hard for me to squeak out the few words I can. I am shy and not very sociable, so when I'm with people, even my two friends, I feel like I come across as rude. I never have the right things to say. When I'm with my family, I don't usually have this problem.

In public, it seems like everyone else is so much more interesting than I am. Making conversation is a lot of trouble. I know this sounds silly, but do you know if there is anything that can be done about it? I heard you had a booklet about being more social. Is it still published? If so, how can I get one? -- VICTORIA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR VICTORIA: Making conversation may seem like "a lot of trouble" to you because making conversation is a skill that you haven't yet mastered. A surefire way to contribute in social situations is to become informed about what is going on in the world by reading books, magazines, the Dear Abby column (of course) and going on the Internet. The more informed you are about the world, the better you will be.

You don't have to be an "authority" on everything. A good conversationalist is interested in what other people have to say instead of feeling pressured to fill the air with the sound of his or her own voice. My booklet "How to Be Popular" is filled with suggestions about how to polish one's social skills. It isn't meant to be read just once and then put aside. Read it often because it covers a variety of social situations. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. There are tips not only for what to say, but also what not to say, which is one of the keys for becoming the kind of person other people find interesting, attractive and want to know better. If parents, teachers and clergy know people who need help in this regard, it might make an inexpensive gift that could help change the course of their lives.

Most people can concentrate on only one thing at a time. One of the best cures for shyness is to forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person by asking about what he or she is interested in. Try it, and you'll find it works.

DEAR ABBY: I have this little boy I tutor. He is 7 and says he loves me. I'm 18. I try to tell him I'm way too old and he isn't my type, but all he says is, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Help! I need to know what to do. -- ALEX IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ALEX: Start by telling him that the word "ain't" isn't appropriate -- that what he should be saying is, "Age isn't anything but a number." Then tell him that while you are complimented, he is there to study -- so you'll revisit the subject when he is 18.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old lady who has been a dedicated mother, helpful grandma and a good wife. I don't mean to imply that I'm perfect, but my heart has always been in the right place.

I'm writing now because I have a problem. I have been so used to being a mother that now I don't know how to break the habit. My children think I do too much for them, and it hurts me when they call me "annoying" and "impossible to deal with."

I wish I could act differently, but I don't know how. I've been told I need to do something with my life other than help my kids when they don't seem to need it -- and even when they do. I know I deserve to be happy, but I don't know how to start. Can you tell me what to do, Abby? -- MELANCHOLY MAMA, WENATCHEE, WASH.

DEAR MELANCHOLY: You are a successful wife and mother, having raised independent children. Now it's your turn.

Think back to before you were married and had children -- what were your interests? Was there a class or subject you wanted to take at a community college? Did you want to act in a play, paint a picture, photograph a landscape, read Shakespeare, join a hiking club, travel the U.S., learn to dance? Learn to speak French, plant a garden, raise rabbits, write a novel or the story of your life, study architecture, learn more about the stock market, raise funds for your favorite charity, or (you fill in the blank)?

If you still can't get the urge to "mother" out of your system, consider becoming a foster parent -- or volunteer at a school, children's hospital or as a literacy tutor at your local library. The possibilities are endless and the need is great.

Please let me know what you decide to do from the hundreds of options available. You have a lot to offer.

DEAR ABBY: "Jamie" and I have been close friends for almost 50 years. She has always been there for me when I needed her and vice versa. However, I can't get past her continual bragging about herself every time we meet for lunch or talk on the phone.

Jamie always manages to bring up how some person told her how young she looks, or another told her she's a wonderful manager at work, etc. Yesterday at lunch I mentioned how much I love doing crossword puzzles. I said I love learning new words and if I don't know the meaning, I look it up in my dictionary. Jamie replied she doesn't need a dictionary because she knows the meaning of all words!

Jamie is a good friend, but lately I've been wondering why she feels the need to spin tales. She is always out to impress everyone with how smart, young, savvy and sophisticated she is. She even told me some of her co-workers compare her to Jackie Kennedy, which is nowhere near the truth. Why do you think she has to act like this? -- PERPLEXED IN PHILLY

DEAR PERPLEXED: Jamie's behavior is a sign of extreme insecurity. People who are comfortable with themselves do not feel the need to constantly self-promote as she does. When your friend announced that she doesn't need a dictionary because she knows the meaning of all words, you were kind not to contradict her, because it's obvious she doesn't appear to be familiar with the definition of "humility."