DEAR ABBY: I really need some advice or I'm going to cry my eyes out. I'm a 14-year-old girl and I really like this guy at school. I'm shy, so instead of telling him, I drew a picture of him, wrote on the back that I like him and taped it to his locker so he could see it. I didn't sign it.

He thought it was weird and doesn't know it's me. He already has a girlfriend and she hates what I did. She says she thinks whoever did it is a stalker.

I feel really stupid. I don't know what to do now. I wasn't trying to be creepy. I just wanted him to know how much I love him. Should I tell him it was me? I'm so confused. Please help. -- HOPELESS AND LOVELESS

DEAR H. AND L.: Dry your tears and take advantage of this learning experience. We have all had them. If you are smart -- and I think you are -- you will not reveal that it was you who put the picture on the locker. The boy is already involved with someone and his girlfriend will regard you as an enemy. If and when they break up -- as so many teen romances do -- you can decide then whether to express your feelings. But if you do, please do it in person and not anonymously.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to earn someone's trust back, and if so, how would I do it? -- WONDERING IN OHIO

DEAR WONDERING: Much depends upon what you did that destroyed the person's trust. If it wasn't too egregious, a sincere apology is the way to begin. And if it is accepted, walking the straight and narrow in the future would be helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I got married four months ago and we have no wedding rings. However, we do have our names tattooed on each other's ring finger. His is not legible. Even though he got it touched up once, it still looks like a big blur. My tattoo is very clear and noticeable.

All my friends think we need to wear wedding bands or something. Did we do the wrong thing? -- NEWLYWED IN TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR NEWLYWED: When it comes to wedding bands -- and what they symbolize -- there is no "wrong" thing. You and your husband got the tattoos because you wanted something that would last forever, like your union. The most important thing isn't what your friends think; it's how the two of you feel. If you want to wear wedding bands, then buy a couple. But don't do it because someone else thinks you should.

DEAR ABBY: I work 40-plus hours a week and have a 3-year-old and two dogs. My good friend "Kate" has a 6-year-old, 2-year-old twins and a dog.

Her house is dirty. The bathroom is dusty and stained, and in the kitchen, dishes are piled in the sink. Would it be rude to offer her a few hours to clean up some key rooms? If not, how would I go about offering without being too blunt? -- HAVE MOP, WILL TRAVEL

DEAR HAVE: Try this. Say, "Kate, you have your hands full, so why don't I come over one morning this weekend and help with the housework? Then we'll grab some lunch. It'd be fun. What do you say?"

P.S. If you find yourself in the Los Angeles area, give me a call. And don't forget that mop!

DEAR ABBY: Last night at a restaurant, my husband and I were surprised to see a male server wearing a blond wig and full makeup. I was, to say the least, shocked and very glad we hadn't brought the children, ages 11 and 14, with us. How do you explain something like that to an 11-year-old? The 14-year-old would be able to "get it."

What kind of policies are in place for restaurants in cases like this? What if customers are offended? Could I request a different server or just leave? Your comments would be appreciated. -- TAKEN ABACK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: In California, people have the legal right to dress in a style not typical of their gender without fear of discrimination or retaliation. That right is protected by state law. If customers find it offensive, they can either request a different server or take their business elsewhere. Presumably, the customer would pay for food that had already been prepared.

Because children today grow up quickly and are less sheltered than in past decades, I recommend you explain to your 11-year-old that not all people are alike, and the importance of treating others with respect. It's called reality.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Shane," and I have been together more than a year. My problem lies in child support issues.

I'm a college student and full-time employee at a major company. I make a pretty good living considering my age. Shane is an electrician, and half of every paycheck he earns is going to his child's mother. I understand the money is being given to support the child, but every time we see him, the kid says his mommy is broke.

Because my boyfriend's check is half gone by the time he brings it home, I must pick up the slack regarding the bills. Shane helps out any way he can, but it's never enough, so I have to step in.

I love him, he treats me like a queen and I have yet to have a major problem with him. But it's the money situation. I feel a little guilty for feeling this way. What do I do in this situation? Please help. -- FEELING GUILTY IN COLORADO

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Stop feeling guilty. Your feelings are natural considering that Shane isn't carrying his half of the load he shares with you financially. Talk to him about the way the inequity is making you feel because if you don't, your resentment will only grow. He may need to find a second job so you have to "step in" less often. The alternative is to accept that the present will also be your future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve -- people who make a big production out of yawning. It's not enough to just yawn quietly. Noooo, they have to open wide, not cover their mouth and moan loudly. It annoys the heck out of me and I'm not sure it's appropriate to say anything.

People who do this seem to have several yawns in succession and want to make sure everyone notices. Any suggestions other than to grin and bear it? -- SEEKING QUIET IN GEORGIA

DEAR SEEKING QUIET: Yes. If it's happening socially say, "I can see you're getting tired, so maybe it's time to end this visit." If it's happening at work, suggest the person take a break and go outside for some fresh air.

DEAR ABBY: "Disappearing Stepmother's" June 9 letter brought back memories of my stepdaughter "Amy's" wedding. Her mother also tried her best to prevent us from being involved. However, Amy included all four of her parents in the wedding. Dad and Stepdad walked her down the aisle together, and her mom and I lit the bride's candle together (though I'm sure she gritted her teeth when she did it).

The bride needs to develop a backbone and stand up to her mother. The dad (who's paying for half the wedding) should at least put his foot down about the guest list, and invite whomever he and his wife would like to be there. Wedding photos can be of the two families separately, including the stepmom. Otherwise, resentment will linger and poison the relationship between stepmom and stepdaughter. -- ANOTHER STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: I encouraged "Disappearing" to attend the wedding to support her stepdaughter and inject a dose of reality into the "fantasy," and readers were quick to share their views:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am stepmom to two beautiful young women whose mother harbors animosity toward me and my husband. When the girls were kids she filled their heads with lies about us. Their father and I remained noncritical, loving and constant.

There were some rocky years, but my stepdaughters and I have made it through. When the younger one was married two years ago, she did a beautiful job including me. Her mother spent the wedding day spewing vile lies about us to anyone who'd listen, and is still bitter these 26 years later.

The girls see their mother as she is and do not let her affect their relationship with us. For this I credit my husband, who never tolerated her ill treatment of me. Stepmoms are not looking to be in the spotlight or take anyone's place. But we are an important part of the modern family and should be treated with the honor and respect we deserve. -- MADE IT THROUGH

DEAR ABBY: I work in the wedding industry, and all too frequently I see the engaged couple manipulated by a parent in order to hurt the former spouse and alienate the stepparent. It is the bane of my professional existence. They cause so much stress for the couple that I've had brides break down and cry in my office and choose to elope rather than deal with the drama.

Parents must realize that their children are loved by many people, and the best gift they can give them on their wedding day is to set aside differences and old grudges in order to support the couple as they begin their marriage. -- FRUSTRATED WEDDING PLANNER

DEAR ABBY: My husband's former wife has been a huge challenge for me, even showing up at our small wedding ceremony and slapping me in the face. The children were all there and I kept the evening going by hugging them and saying I was sorry their mom was so upset. Now, as I watch these grown kids and their kids making their way through life, I am proud to have been part of showing them what a solid, loving family can be without alienation and selfishness. -- BARBARA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Disappearing," having myself been ignored at "blended" family events, including weddings. I am also conveniently excluded from family photos.

I deal with all of this by staying in the background during events. The gathering is not about me. My stepkids are simply trying to keep the drama caused by their mother to a minimum. They would never hear the end of it from her, and she has been known to go off in public. I know they appreciate my quiet approach because, when not in their mother's presence, they treat me with kindness, love and humor. -- MARCIA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: First wives hold the upper hand in many instances. It's something you never really get used to -- you just live with it.

When your husband's daughter matures and is a mom herself, things may change. They did for me. Take the high road and always do the right thing. That first wife is clearly traveling on a lower path. -- SURVIVOR IN ALABAMA