DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is insisting that her adopted son and I each write a eulogy for her, so she can read it before she dies. We don't think her request is appropriate and have told her so, but she keeps insisting. What do you think? -- TO WRITE OR NOT TO WRITE

DEAR T.W. OR NOT T.W.: I think your mother-in-law is starved for compliments, and that's why she's pressuring you. Ask her what she would like to have included in her eulogy, and then do some creative writing. When the time comes to read it, she won't be around -- and you can say whatever you'd like with no repercussions.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Sally's" husband, "Donny," left her when she was three months pregnant with their second child. She had to move back in with us to make ends meet, and Donny says it's "too strange" to come here to visit his son. He hasn't paid a nickel of child support since he left Sally. He's seeing another woman and wanted to introduce her to my grandson, but Sally said he would have to pick him up at our house, so he refused.

Three days ago, Donny emailed Sally and asked her to call him when she goes into labor so he and his girlfriend can be there. She replied that he is welcome to come after the baby is born, but the girlfriend is not welcome. He emailed my daughter back that she is immature, and she needs to get used to the idea that the girlfriend is going to be involved in their children's lives and she should "get over it."

We are horrified that he thinks this is OK. What do you think? How do we handle this? -- UPSET GRANDMA IN MISSOURI

DEAR UPSET GRANDMA: It appears your daughter married a self-centered loser who has been shirking his responsibility to his child. Because there is no reason to think this won't continue when their second child arrives, Sally should start talking with a lawyer, now.

As to the email he sent your daughter, she should refuse to take the bait and not respond to it at all. Sometimes silence sends a more eloquent message than anything one could say. It goes without saying that Donny and his girlfriend should not have a front-row seat for the birth of this baby.

DEAR ABBY: We are a youthful senior couple who plan to remain single. We like to travel together. People assume that we are married. I know these incidents will increase on any trip we take.

A straightforward, "Oh, we're not married," seems to cause awkwardness, especially with the age group that will be on these trips. I'd like to avoid lying or allowing the faulty assumption to exist. Any suggestions for the appropriate response? -- COUPLE ON THE GO IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR COUPLE ON THE GO: Couples in your age group who cohabit without marriage often have financial reasons for it. And not all married couples share the same last name. Because you feel you must reveal your single status, the appropriate response is the one you are giving, and you don't have to apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have dated for almost three years. We plan to be married a year from now. We were close friends for 12 years prior to dating.

Abby, over the last two years, he has developed a bad drinking problem and lost 12 jobs in the last year alone. To his credit, he has been sober for a month now and has accepted a new job. Although I'm happy that he has a new job, I'm also concerned because he will be working in a bar.

I am bringing my daughter into this marriage and am worried that he will revert to drinking, which wouldn't be a good environment for my daughter. When I discussed it with him, he became irate and said I had insulted his job and was calling him a loser. Then he accused me of using him to support myself and my daughter. He said my "true colors" came through when I encouraged him to stay sober.

I am deeply hurt. I don't understand why he would say such a thing. We had discussed this before, and he didn't react this way. The last thing I would ever do is marry someone for money. I have always planned to keep my job after we marry.

He is barely speaking to me now, and I don't understand his anger. Please help. -- DEPRESSED AND ABANDONED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEPRESSED: Your fiance's attempt to turn the tables on you, along with his excessive drinking and inability to hold a job, are indications that he has an out-of-control alcohol problem. It is typical for addicts to be defensive and attempt to put anyone who confronts them in a corner. Do not accept the guilt trip.

It is admirable that he has been sober for a month, but his job in an establishment where alcohol is the prime product is an almost sure road to self-defeat. If someone is serious about surviving such an addiction, the person doesn't place him- or herself in temptation's way.

Encourage your fiance to reinforce his attempt at sobriety by attending AA meetings. (It is listed in the phone book and online.) Then do your part by attending Al-Anon meetings. Meanwhile, put your wedding plans on hold until you're absolutely sure he won't be detrimental to your daughter's -- and your -- future.

DEAR ABBY: We have a cabin on a lake in New England. It is next door to some of our relatives. We've made friends with neighbors on the other side and would like to invite them over for dinner. Our relatives are also friendly with the neighbors. If we invite them for dinner, must we invite the relatives too? -- JUDY ON "GOLDEN POND"

DEAR JUDY: Technically, you don't have to. However, if you have mostly socialized as a "threesome," feelings may be hurt if you suddenly change what has become customary.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are avid readers who sometimes find that we have too many books. Our solution is to donate our excess books to the local USO. We set up a donation box in our church's foyer, and once a month we carry the donated books to one of our city's two USO centers. Service members are encouraged to take them with them as they travel. We have found that there's always room on the bookshelves at the USO. -- TOM IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR TOM: Thank you for a terrific suggestion. I'm sure many readers will appreciate it -- and so will the recipients.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing hoping to avert another tragedy like we experienced last week. Our German shepherd, Leah, was playing with a hard rubber ball the size of a tennis ball. Somehow, the ball slid down her throat. I tried to dislodge it by grabbing and pulling it out, then I tried the Heimlich maneuver. Neither worked. By the time we got Leah to the veterinarian, she was dead. They tried for 25 minutes to revive her.

Leah was a friendly, funny, loving dog, not yet 2 years old. We miss her terribly. Abby, please tell your readers to never, ever let their dog play with any object that fits into its mouth. If it fits, it can lodge in the throat. I don't want anyone else to experience the pain of losing their dog like we lost ours. -- KAREN IN CENTER VALLEY, PA.

DEAR KAREN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved pet. However, because you wrote to other dog owners, take comfort in the knowledge that you have very likely saved another four-footed family member's life.

DEAR ABBY: My well-meaning mother continues to give me "classics" from her wardrobe that she no longer wears. I'm a size 6 to 8 in my 50s. Mom is in her 80s and wears 12 to 14. Our sense of style is also not the same.

My problem is, after insisting I take these items, she'll often ask for them back several years later. It becomes awkward when I must explain I gave her clothes away. How can I politely stop her from gifting me these items? -- NO LONGER HAS THEM

DEAR NO LONGER HAS THEM: Say, "Mom, these things won't fit me. But I'll be glad to drop them off at a charity thrift shop for you." It's honest, it's practical, and someone can enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married three years, and we are both lucky to have families that are kind and supportive. However, there is one recurring issue with his family that I find annoying.

Nobody in my husband's family has a driver's license or owns a car. This includes his two aunts and mother, who all live in the same town we do. As the only driver in the family, I am regularly asked to shuttle relatives to the doctor, the pet groomer, the grocery store, etc.

Abby, none of them have any physical or mental disability that prevents them from driving. We live in a city with a number of cab companies that serve the area. I work hard so I can pay my car insurance bills, my car payments and buy gas to get to where I need to. I'm starting to resent being asked to drive three able-bodied adults who are perfectly capable of driving themselves or taking a taxi.

Am I being inconsiderate? Is there a way to politely convey that I do not wish to play chauffeur? -- DRIVEN CRAZY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DRIVEN CRAZY: Yes, there is -- and because these are his relatives, your husband should be the one to tell them that you have been generous enough and it's time for them to arrange other transportation.