DEAR ABBY: My father died eight years ago. Mother couldn't afford to bury him at the time, so he was cremated. Mom asked me to keep his ashes until her time was up so they could be buried together.

I have had them ever since. It makes me feel like he is still with me, that I have not totally lost him. However, over the last year, my brothers and sisters have led my mother to believe that I won't respect her wishes to have them buried together when the time comes. She is pressuring me to bury him now. It hurts me that my family could even think I would take that away from my mother.

To this day, my siblings say mean things about Dad, claiming he was a "terrible" father and husband. I'm a lot younger than the rest of them, so it's possible I never saw the bad side of him. The father I knew was a caring, loving man, and it drives me crazy to hear my siblings speak ill of him. They don't remember his birthday, the date of his death or even how long ago it was.

Abby, I don't know what to do. If I go ahead and bury my dad's ashes now, I feel I will be losing him completely. Please help me. I feel so lost. -- SAD AND MISUNDERSTOOD DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Perhaps there is a way to satisfy everybody. Before returning your father's ashes to your mother and siblings for burial, take a small portion to keep for yourself. Your feelings are not all that unusual -- and contrary to popular belief, not all ashes are scattered or buried. Sometimes they are retained for decades by family members who are not yet ready to part with them.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I began a part-time job for extra cash. My manager and I developed an attraction for each other that soon led to a sexual relationship. The problem is that he's married with two children, and he is significantly older than me.

I know now that this has to end. I have no emotional ties to him, but I think he is starting to care for me. I can't quit the job because a family member got it for me, and it would seem suspicious if I quit.

Please respond soon because I am trying desperately to avoid being alone with him, and it's becoming more and more difficult. How do I end the affair and remain on decent terms with this man? -- NEEDS A QUICK OUT

DEAR NEEDS: It's difficult to remain on decent terms after there has been indecent exposure, but tell your manager your conscience demands that the hanky-panky stop. Then, if he tries to get you alone, tell him, "Nothing doing -- I've turned over a new leaf."

I'm sure he'll find a way to handle the rejection. If it breaks his heart, he can seek comfort from his wife, from whom he shouldn't have strayed in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I'm going into junior high. I'm a straight-A student and get my homework and projects done. But I'm not that organized. I always put my assignments away, but when I need them, they're never there!

My mom complains to me about it and calls me a troll. My room isn't so hot, either. What can I do? -- THE TROLL IN ST. PETE

DEAR TROLL: The time to get organized is now. Begin by cleaning your room and making sure you have a study area that is not messy. After that, you should always put your projects and completed assignments in one spot, and they won't be lost. You'll be able to find them easily once you have only one place to look.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years younger than my husband. I am also attractive and sexually available to him. We have a great relationship except for one thing. I can't trust him! I have caught him emailing women he met at work, inviting our neighbor to go with him on a motorcycle ride and heard many stories about him asking women on dates.

But the worst was when I found out he was calling a woman every day and going to her house when I was at work. When I confronted him he said nothing sexual happened, but he moved out for a month.

Why does he feel he has to have other women? I really believe some men are cheaters no matter what. Oh, yeah -- I'm his fourth wife. He cheated on the others, too. How can I make him want only me? -- CHEATED ON IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CHEATED ON: You can't. It may give you some comfort to know that the behavior you have described has nothing to do with you or your level of desirability. It is compulsive. You were naive to think if you married a serial cheater that he would be a faithful husband to you. The only person who can "make" him think differently is him, and before that can happen, he will have to realize he needs to change.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a single mother for seven years raising a wonderful 16-year-old daughter. She is an honor student, works part-time and is very mature. I am dating an older man, "Gary," who has grown children.

Gary feels my daughter is old enough to spend a couple of nights a week alone in our house, while I spend the night with him. His house is 14 miles away. I live in a safe neighborhood, but the idea of leaving her alone makes me very uncomfortable. This is causing a rift between Gary and me. He feels I am having a hard time "cutting the apron strings." Is he right? -- SINGLE MOM IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SINGLE MOM: Inform Gary you are not ready to "cut the apron strings" because you don't want your relationship with your daughter to turn to shreds. Although you say your daughter is mature, you are responsible for her safety and welfare until she turns 18. And that includes setting a good example for her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm expecting my first child in three months and I am definitely showing. I work in a retirement community, and every day one or more of the residents makes it his or her business to tell me I'm "just getting sooo big!" and then asks if I'm sure "there aren't twins in there." I find their comments rude.

What's the appropriate response to people who make unwelcome comments about my size? I want to tell them that stating the obvious is unnecessary. They wouldn't comment about someone's size who wasn't pregnant, so why is it acceptable in my case? -- EXPECTING IN MARYLAND

DEAR EXPECTING: Although you find the comments unwelcome, I'm sure the residents are only trying to be friendly and join in the excitement of another life coming into the world. They are not meant to be insulting and you shouldn't regard them in that light. All you should do is smile, pat your tummy and say, "Not according to the sonogram!" and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a confused transwoman. I have been in a committed relationship for years with a woman who knew me before "the change." I have lied to myself for a long time about what gender I have been attracted to, and now it's coming back to haunt me.

As I have gone through several years changing, my confidence and emotional depth have grown. I successfully transitioned two years ago, and live and work as a woman. This means when I go to clubs and bars with other girlfriends, I attract male attention in a positive way. (I'm attractive and pass well.)

The problem is, my attraction to women is fading and men are now much more appealing. My pulse races at the idea of spending time in the company of men, but no longer with women, who are now more like sisters than anything else.

My relationship with my current female spouse has become that of a housemate or female family member. She was there for me during my changes, and now I feel I am evolving away from her. This upsets me, and I know it upsets her because we have talked about the possibility that this might occur. Now I'm worried about breaking her heart, but feel if I don't move on, I will have cheated myself out of living.

What should I do? Should I swallow my feelings and stay with her, or admit that in order to feel like a heterosexual woman I must leave and be in a relationship with a man? Help! -- LOST ANGEL

DEAR LOST: I discussed your letter with Denise Leclair, the executive director of the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE), who tells me that what you're experiencing is not unusual. Transgender people can be so consumed with gender issues that they are sometimes unfocused on whom they are really attracted to.

While I can't make this decision for you, you can get some helpful input from IFGE. Founded in 1987, it offers support and educational services for and about gender-variant persons -- including referrals to medical and psychological professionals. You can email IFGE at info@ifge.org.

DEAR ABBY: Thanks for the wonderful letters and sage advice over the years. I can't tell you how many columns I have clipped and shared.

Some years ago when I was teaching in Massachusetts, a dear friend, Pat, told me about something she did that impressed me. Every year on her birthday, she sent flowers to her parents with a note thanking them for their love and support. I adopted her idea.

We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but isn't Pat's idea wonderful? Many parents would be thrilled to receive flowers from their child on his or her birthday, especially when a note accompanies the bouquet. After all, the parents gave the children life and nurturing. It seems only right that children should show their appreciation at that special time. Please share this idea with your readers. -- FORMER TEACHER IN ATHENS, GA.

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for sharing your friend's tradition. It's not the first time I've heard this, but I'm pleased to share her terrific idea with those who are receptive.

P.S. If flowers aren't in the budget, a handwritten note of appreciation costs nothing and would be treasured for a lifetime.