DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years younger than my husband. I am also attractive and sexually available to him. We have a great relationship except for one thing. I can't trust him! I have caught him emailing women he met at work, inviting our neighbor to go with him on a motorcycle ride and heard many stories about him asking women on dates.

But the worst was when I found out he was calling a woman every day and going to her house when I was at work. When I confronted him he said nothing sexual happened, but he moved out for a month.

Why does he feel he has to have other women? I really believe some men are cheaters no matter what. Oh, yeah -- I'm his fourth wife. He cheated on the others, too. How can I make him want only me? -- CHEATED ON IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CHEATED ON: You can't. It may give you some comfort to know that the behavior you have described has nothing to do with you or your level of desirability. It is compulsive. You were naive to think if you married a serial cheater that he would be a faithful husband to you. The only person who can "make" him think differently is him, and before that can happen, he will have to realize he needs to change.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a single mother for seven years raising a wonderful 16-year-old daughter. She is an honor student, works part-time and is very mature. I am dating an older man, "Gary," who has grown children.

Gary feels my daughter is old enough to spend a couple of nights a week alone in our house, while I spend the night with him. His house is 14 miles away. I live in a safe neighborhood, but the idea of leaving her alone makes me very uncomfortable. This is causing a rift between Gary and me. He feels I am having a hard time "cutting the apron strings." Is he right? -- SINGLE MOM IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SINGLE MOM: Inform Gary you are not ready to "cut the apron strings" because you don't want your relationship with your daughter to turn to shreds. Although you say your daughter is mature, you are responsible for her safety and welfare until she turns 18. And that includes setting a good example for her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm expecting my first child in three months and I am definitely showing. I work in a retirement community, and every day one or more of the residents makes it his or her business to tell me I'm "just getting sooo big!" and then asks if I'm sure "there aren't twins in there." I find their comments rude.

What's the appropriate response to people who make unwelcome comments about my size? I want to tell them that stating the obvious is unnecessary. They wouldn't comment about someone's size who wasn't pregnant, so why is it acceptable in my case? -- EXPECTING IN MARYLAND

DEAR EXPECTING: Although you find the comments unwelcome, I'm sure the residents are only trying to be friendly and join in the excitement of another life coming into the world. They are not meant to be insulting and you shouldn't regard them in that light. All you should do is smile, pat your tummy and say, "Not according to the sonogram!" and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a confused transwoman. I have been in a committed relationship for years with a woman who knew me before "the change." I have lied to myself for a long time about what gender I have been attracted to, and now it's coming back to haunt me.

As I have gone through several years changing, my confidence and emotional depth have grown. I successfully transitioned two years ago, and live and work as a woman. This means when I go to clubs and bars with other girlfriends, I attract male attention in a positive way. (I'm attractive and pass well.)

The problem is, my attraction to women is fading and men are now much more appealing. My pulse races at the idea of spending time in the company of men, but no longer with women, who are now more like sisters than anything else.

My relationship with my current female spouse has become that of a housemate or female family member. She was there for me during my changes, and now I feel I am evolving away from her. This upsets me, and I know it upsets her because we have talked about the possibility that this might occur. Now I'm worried about breaking her heart, but feel if I don't move on, I will have cheated myself out of living.

What should I do? Should I swallow my feelings and stay with her, or admit that in order to feel like a heterosexual woman I must leave and be in a relationship with a man? Help! -- LOST ANGEL

DEAR LOST: I discussed your letter with Denise Leclair, the executive director of the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE), who tells me that what you're experiencing is not unusual. Transgender people can be so consumed with gender issues that they are sometimes unfocused on whom they are really attracted to.

While I can't make this decision for you, you can get some helpful input from IFGE. Founded in 1987, it offers support and educational services for and about gender-variant persons -- including referrals to medical and psychological professionals. You can email IFGE at info@ifge.org.

DEAR ABBY: Thanks for the wonderful letters and sage advice over the years. I can't tell you how many columns I have clipped and shared.

Some years ago when I was teaching in Massachusetts, a dear friend, Pat, told me about something she did that impressed me. Every year on her birthday, she sent flowers to her parents with a note thanking them for their love and support. I adopted her idea.

We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but isn't Pat's idea wonderful? Many parents would be thrilled to receive flowers from their child on his or her birthday, especially when a note accompanies the bouquet. After all, the parents gave the children life and nurturing. It seems only right that children should show their appreciation at that special time. Please share this idea with your readers. -- FORMER TEACHER IN ATHENS, GA.

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for sharing your friend's tradition. It's not the first time I've heard this, but I'm pleased to share her terrific idea with those who are receptive.

P.S. If flowers aren't in the budget, a handwritten note of appreciation costs nothing and would be treasured for a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 40s. I have two children. I have never been married. Five months ago I met a fine man. "Mr. M." is in his mid-40s and was married for about four years in the late 1990s.

I am very much in love with Mr. M., and he has shown me how much he loves me in many different ways. However, he says there are no wedding bells in the future.

Do you think Mr. M. is afraid to make a commitment because of his divorce? Has a woman ever proposed marriage to a man? Is there anything wrong with it?

I have one more problem. Mr. M. likes to be all alone some days. And he takes long weekends to get away by himself. Is this common for a lot of men? -- CONCERNED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONCERNED: There is nothing "wrong" with a woman proposing to a man; many women have done it. And yes, it is entirely possible that Mr. M.'s experience with divorce has left him marriage-shy. Since you are serious about him, pursue the reason for his statement that there are no wedding bells in the future.

While it's common for men (and women) to spend "alone time" and have separate interests, they don't, as a rule, involve spending long weekends away by themselves. Much depends on the nature of the pursuit that's taking him away, and how often he needs time to himself. If Mr. M. goes on an occasional spiritual retreat, I see nothing unusual about it. However, if he is a loner by nature -- the person who will be lonely is you.

DEAR ABBY: We have read about married couples renewing their marriage vows. My wife and I have been married 50 years and thought perhaps this would be a way of celebrating this marvelous milestone. However, the more we discuss it, the more illogical it seems to us.

We took our vows, ending with " ... 'til death do us part." Over the course of the marriage, we have had many wonderful experiences as well as some of the worst life can offer. Through it all, we have loved and cared for each other. There was never a time that we did not think in terms of "we."

We believe it would be an insult to each other to renew that which seems to be in good condition. Vows don't wear out. Devotion to each other becomes a way of life, to the point that life is unthinkable for each of us without the other.

We still find each other attractive, and sexy, too. Like wine, old vows improve with age and become more precious. -- YOUNG AT HEART IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR YOUNG: You appear to have an enviable marriage, and I congratulate you both. However, some couples experience the same thrill from renewing their vows that they did in pledging them in the first place. Please do not judge them or minimize the reaffirmation of their love.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years, you have provided me with insight and many grins and chuckles. I hope to return the favor by providing you with at least a smile:

Question: What is the name of Bambi's convent?

Answer: Deer Abbey

-- JOSEPH IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR JOSEPH: That's cute! I'd send you a buck if you needed the doe.