DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to "Where the Boys Aren't" (May 26). We're right here every day, lady, working in the same building, going to the same functions, eating at the same diners and attending the same churches. But we don't measure up to the standards you have set.

You can find us after work at sports bars with friends having a beer, early morning weekends on the lake or stream fishing, kicking back watching a game on TV or working on a hot rod or motorcycle like the one we had -- or wanted -- in high school. We are not on a cruise, at the mall, upscale bar or wine tasting. In short, we're not doing what you like to do. Think about the guy you were married to who had to be dragged or nagged to the outings you enjoy.

You want to find a guy in your age range? That's easy. Step back, be honest and really look at yourself. How do you act, dress, talk? Would you date you? Do you measure up to the standards you have set for the right guy? If there's something you would change, then change it. Take the time to see who he is, what he enjoys and remember, he's not going to change, and if he did, he wouldn't be what you wanted anyway. -- CONTENT, SECURE, SINGLE 58-YEAR-OLD MAN

DEAR SINGLE MAN: Thank you for taking the time to write. Apparently, these ladies need to find new hunting grounds. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle at "Where the Boys Aren't." Most guys would pay handsomely for the addresses of the clubs where women go to meet men. What is "Where" doing that prevents her from meeting all the men she wants? My guess is she doesn't walk up and introduce herself. She doesn't grasp that dating rules get reversed at some point. She's hoping to be swept off her feet like a schoolgirl.

My advice to older women is to stop hanging out in escape literature and move over to the magazine rack. After a certain age, even sex won't sell itself like it used to. Drive your own car and, if you plan to stay after the introductions, buy your own drinks. Arrive in pairs only with an agreement to split up if opportunity knocks. And remember, going to expensive bars will only net you a higher class of bum.

"Where" has repeatedly failed Dating 101. There's hardly a middle-aged guy in America who would turn down a woman who offered him a pizza, a cold beer and a quiet Friday night at home. I'd even help with the dishes. But everything about her spells hidden agenda! -- NAMELESS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: We're all at the gym burning off that 40-year-old fat. -- LAWRENCE IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I can speak only for myself. Yes, I am at home watching bad cable TV -- not because I want to, but because some of us choose to be here for our elderly parents. We're not out and about except to take our mothers on errands, our dads for haircuts and both for medical appointments, on top of managing their finances and looking after their home.

Guess what? Society looks down on us because we have put their needs ahead of ours. We might not be at the typical social events, but we're out there. The next time you see a middle-aged man with a little old lady in the grocery store, bump into his cart and you might find a nice, lonely guy like me. -- TONY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: My son is a career soldier, Army Rangers Airborne, and yes, I am proud of him. During his 15 years of active duty he has been involved in every "action" around the world. The greatest gift I have been given started with an idea conceived by two high school students in Massachusetts. The program is called Cell Phones for Soldiers, and these are the basics:

Old cellphones are donated and then sold to a recycler, and with that money phone cards are purchased and donated to soldiers all over the world. Eighty percent of calls home by active-duty soldiers are made using these cards.

I have never heard of such a win-win program, and the biggest winner is the family member who answers the phone and hears, "Hi, Mom. I love you. I'm OK." -- DR. LISA MORGAN, A VERY THANKFUL MOM

DEAR DR. MORGAN: Until I read your letter, I hadn't heard of the program, either. It seems very worthwhile, and something anyone who wants to support members of our military might be interested in.

Founded in 2004, Cell Phones for Soldiers is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization whose mission is to provide free communication tools for military serving overseas. There are more than 15,000 collection sites across the United States. Nearly 12,000 calling cards are mailed each week, and since 2004, more than 150 million minutes of talk time have been provided. Anyone interested in learning more should visit cellphonesforsoldiers.com.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 21, almost 22, and I have just found out that it isn't the flu. I'm pregnant. The problem is, I don't know who the father is. I have an "idea" of who he might be -- but it could be three other guys. I'm not in a relationship with any of them. No. 1 and No. 2, I wouldn't want my child exposed to because of some of the things they do.

I have heard that if a mother is on state support and the parents aren't together, the father will have to pay child support. Is that true? I don't know what to do. -- LOST AND CONFUSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: You are going to need prenatal care to ensure you have a healthy baby. Your local Planned Parenthood health center may be able to provide prenatal care or refer you to other low-cost options.

Your next stop should be your county department of social services so that when your child arrives, you'll be able to feed it. I'm sure they will want the father to contribute financially. Determining which candidate is -- or is not -- the father is as simple as getting a paternity test.

P.S. And this is important, too: In the future, Planned Parenthood can provide you with reliable, low-cost contraceptive services, so the next time you become pregnant it will be by choice and with a committed partner.

DEAR ABBY: I am 7 years old and me and my parents can never agree on my bedtime. Do you think 7:30, 8, 8:30, 9, 9:30, 10, 11 or midnight? -- BAD BEDTIME IN BOSTON

DEAR BAD BEDTIME: It depends on what time you're expected to get up the next morning. According to the experts, children between the ages of 5 and 10 years old need between 10 and 11 hours of sleep each night. So count backward from the time your day is supposed to start and you'll know what time you're supposed to be in bed (8:30 p.m. seems about right to me).

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for almost five years, and we have a 4-year-old daughter together. The problem is, his parents are hoarders. Their house is a disaster. It's falling apart from the inside out. They have piles of junk in the house and yard, and six dogs that live in the house with them.

My daughter has just been diagnosed with a severe allergy to mold. I don't like her to go to their house, but they adore her and want to spend time with her. I don't know what to do!

I have tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but he's in complete denial about his parents' situation and says I'm "overreacting." I don't want to hurt their feelings, and I don't want to keep my daughter from her grandparents. Help, please! -- AT A LOSS IN TEXAS

DEAR AT A LOSS: The loving grandparents can spend time with the child at your home rather than theirs.

Schedule an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician or allergy specialist for you and your boyfriend. Because your daughter has severe allergies, he needs to understand what that means and how serious her allergic reactions could become. If your daughter is allergic to mold, she also may be severely allergic to other things -- like animal dander and dust.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was recently married in our hometown. Although she was born and raised here, she's now living in another state, so it was a destination wedding for many of the invitees. It wasn't a large affair -- only 60 people attended.

I received an email today from an old friend who was surprised to hear about the wedding and wanted to know why she wasn't invited. I'm at a loss as to how to respond. I have known her a long time and now I feel guilty for not having invited her, but we had decided early on that only family and a few close friends would be invited.

Is there a polite way to respond to her? I feel it was rude of her to even ask. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: For the woman to ask why she wasn't on the guest list was, indeed, rude. A polite response would be to tell her the wedding was very small -- family and only a few friends were invited -- but you'll be sure to let her know when the grandchildren start arriving.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my sister developed a freckle-sized spot on her arm that was diagnosed as skin cancer. She was treated, and nothing more came of it.

Recently, she has been telling people she's a "cancer survivor" and participating in survivor walks. I applaud her willingness to help and be involved, but it seems she's comparing herself to people who have undergone breast cancer, chemo, major life-altering conditions, loss of family members and worse.

Are my family and I being overly critical? Or is there some way we can make her realize that what she has gone through is not nearly as devastating as the experiences of those who have truly survived this ordeal? -- BROTHER DAVE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BROTHER DAVE: Yes, you are being overly critical. That cancerous "freckle" might have been melanoma, which is a very serious cancer. Your sister is lucky it wasn't life-threatening. If she wants to participate in cancer fundraisers, she has earned the right to be there.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr -- it's time to break the Ramadan fast. May God make yours a blessed feast.