DEAR ABBY: One night I woke up to my cat scratching at my bedroom door to be let in. When I got up and opened the door, I heard my parents making love. They were so loud it grossed me out, because my little sister is 10 and we share a room right next to theirs. She still doesn't know about this kind of stuff.

I want to tell them they don't need to be doing that, because what if she got scared and woke up and tried to go in there? What should I do -- tell them to go to a motel? -- GROSSED OUT IN MADISON, MISS.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Do not tell your parents to go to a motel. If the cat hadn't wakened you and you hadn't opened your bedroom door, you wouldn't have heard a thing. Be glad that you have parents who love each other and that you didn't overhear them fighting.

If your sister ever wakes up and gets scared, she should know she can wake you up.

P.S. At age 10, your sister shouldn't be completely in the dark about the facts of life. And the person who should be talking to her about them is her mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have an aunt (by marriage) who I think may be suffering from mental issues. All of a sudden, she is calling members of our family and telling them that "so-and-so" (it varies) is talking about them behind their backs. Of course, none of it is true, but it has caused a huge rift in our family. Family members have had big arguments over these calls.

The aunt is in her mid-50s and has always been quiet and sweet to everyone, so of course when someone gets a call, the person tends to believe her. This is tearing our family to pieces, and no one knows for sure if she's having problems or if she is telling the truth.

Help! My cousins are no longer speaking to one another or me. I'm not close to her, but I have fallen prey to her phone calls to others. What should I do? -- SLANDERED IN INDIANA

DEAR SLANDERED: A sudden change in personality can indeed be a sign of mental illness or a physical problem. Those family members who are still speaking to one another should approach the uncle to whom the woman is married and express the family's concerns. She may need a physical and neurological evaluation. (And the cousins need to mend fences.) How sad.

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever dealt with work addiction in your column? Many mental health care professionals do not take workaholism seriously -- probably because many of them suffer from the problem themselves.

I recently researched the topic because the behavior of a close friend was making our relationship suffer. Workaholics Anonymous exists, and some books have been written on the subject. Perhaps you could spread the word. -- CARING FRIEND IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CARING FRIEND: I'm pleased to do that. Workaholics Anonymous is an international organization that was founded in 1983. It's a 12-step program based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous for individuals who feel their work lives have gotten out of control. It offers mutual support in solving problems related to compulsive overworking, and it also helps families and friends who are affected.

To find out about weekly meetings and group development guidelines, contact Workaholics Anonymous, P.O. Box 289, Menlo Park, CA 94026; call 510-273-9253; or go to www.workaholics-anonymous.org.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a male who has graduated from high school and is about to start college in another state. I'm ready for a new challenge. The only thing holding me back is a romantic attraction I have toward one of my high school teachers.

He and I are best friends, but I love him more than as a friend. I have bought him many meals and gifts since he taught me, and I have found every opportunity available to be with him. I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings, although I wonder whether I unconsciously make myself obvious. Regardless, we have a great relationship. It kills me inside to know I can never be with him.

I have never told anyone how I feel, and I know if I ever told him, it would destroy everything we have. I can't forget about him. He's on my mind constantly. Having to leave him soon is killing me. Do you have any advice for me? -- DREADING IT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DREADING IT: Yes. Go away to college and open yourself to new experiences and relationships. Correspond with this special person, and when you return for school breaks, continue the friendship. Your feelings may or may not be reciprocated, but it is important that you let some time -- years -- elapse before trying to pursue anything closer with him. If you don't wait, it could be damaging to his career.

DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday, two days before my 75th birthday, I did something very uncharacteristic of me. I went to a tattoo parlor 25 miles away and had a flower put on my right buttock. I don't intend to tell anyone. It was my birthday present to myself.

This was not a spur-of-the-moment impulse. I have told my husband many times that if I made it to 75, I might celebrate it with a tattoo. He just laughed it off. No one in our family has one, and in the past, I have been critical of them. But this one does not show.

Now I have to find a way to tell my husband. He has an explosive temper that goes on and on, and he never drops an issue -- ever. I need advice, and soon. Help me, will you? -- SITTING ON A SECRET

DEAR SITTING ON A SECRET: How do you know you are the first in your family to get a tattoo? If someone else also got one in a place that doesn't show, would they have told you after you told everyone you didn't like tattoos?

You can't hide this from your husband forever, so don't try. If he reacts badly, remind him that the buttock with the flower belongs to you and that at 75, you're a big girl who didn't need anyone else's consent.

Now it's time to give yourself another birthday present: Refuse to listen to your husban's verbal abuse, and you'll be much happier.

DEAR ABBY: What are you supposed to do when you are sitting in a salon having your hair cut and styled, and the next appointment shows up early and engages your stylist in nonstop conversation?

My wife says this happens often in beauty parlors and I should suck it up. I wanted the stylist's full attention so I could get a good haircut. She's not cheap. Am I right? What would you do? -- PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: For the stylist to carry on an ongoing conversation with the next customer was unprofessional. If it happened to me, I would take my stylist aside and explain my feelings.

For the next customer to monopolize the stylist's attention was rude. The person should have been asked to sit somewhere and make him- or herself comfortable until you were finished.

DEAR ABBY: Wouldn't it make sense if grade school teachers set aside time, weekly or monthly, to go over some very generic information that kids need to learn? I'm talking about things like how important it is to have pets neutered and why, how to manage money, and show them what the average dad earns and what it costs to run a household and support a family. It might help kids to grow up understanding that money isn't free and get them past the "gimmes."

There are so many topics that ought to be introduced to youngsters at an early age -- how to groom themselves properly, be exposed to a variety of music genres, teach them how grandparents can use help even from small children. They could be taught to be aware of their surroundings, to realize that foul language isn't an attribute and why it's important to be pleasant.

There are so many topics. Ten minutes a week on different topics would suffice. Why not? -- CHAPLIN, CONN., READER

DEAR READER: Why not? Because teachers are so overwhelmed trying to get their students to learn enough basic curriculum to pass the state mandated tests that they don't have time!

Reading your letter I couldn't help but wonder whose children you are describing. All of the topics you mentioned are things children should learn from their parents. Where are those parents? AWOL?

DEAR ABBY: I have just started back into the dating scene after my divorce and being single for five years. I had a vasectomy when I was married, and I'm wondering at what point I should tell prospective dates this information. -- SNIPPED IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR SNIPPED: Raise the subject as soon as a woman mentions the idea of wanting children. It should certainly be discussed before you have sex.

P.S. Because vasectomies have been known to fail, and won't prevent someone from picking up an STD, you should always make sure you and your partner are protected by using a condom.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago we bought a used sofa at a garage sale. It is now falling apart. A friend of mine in the hotel business offered me an almost new sofa bed from a room that was being redecorated. It matches the colors in our game room perfectly. My wife said, "You can't bring hotel furniture into the house. Yuck!"

My logic is this: Why can't our kids sleep on a hotel bed in our house if our other houseguests are using the kids' rooms? We would use our clean sheets, and they sleep on the sofa beds in the hotels we stay in. My wife will sleep in a hotel bed that 100 percent of the guests sleep in, but she doesn't want a bug-free sofa bed that about 5 percent of hotel guests have used in our home for occasional use. Am I cheap, or am I married to a clean freak? -- WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED?

DEAR WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING: Not knowing you better, I can't say whether or not you're cheap. But your wife should know that many people buy used hotel furniture, and selling it is big business. The sofa bed could be cleaned and sanitized and the mattress replaced. (Inquire about it at any furniture store that sells sofa beds.) But don't push your wife into taking it or the person who winds up sleeping on it could be you.