DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old man with a good job, a good relationship, a level head on my shoulders and a great family. Life has had its ups and downs, but I have always been optimistic and appreciative of my blessings.

My issue is with me. After 10 months or so of dating a woman, I always lose my physical attraction to her. It has been my downfall in both of my previous relationships. My current relationship is with a woman I should marry. She's gorgeous, intelligent, and we have an incredible level of communication. I could not imagine a better partner. But my lack of desire to have a constant physical relationship is driving her away.

I occasionally initiate, but I'm usually not in the mood. I'd be happy with every week or every other week, but I'm only 24. Is this crazy? I know I'm making her feel unwanted, and it has become a sensitive subject for me.

Is this a sign that I'm not supposed to be in this relationship? Other women excite me, but I have no desire to be with someone else. What are your thoughts on this? -- CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: Talk about this with your doctor and have your hormone levels checked. If they are where they should be, it may be that you simply have a low sex drive. Either that, or you crave what no one woman can give any man, and that's variety.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I lost someone very dear to me, my 5-year-old brother. I never knew a child who died before, but when it's your little brother it makes it worse.

The thing is, I'm the oldest and I have always tried to hide my emotions. I try to act like everything is OK because I don't want people to know I'm falling apart. It's bad enough for my mom and my grandparents. I don't want to make it worse.

People say God only gives you what you can handle, but how are you supposed to handle an innocent child's death? -- GRIEVING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. A healthy way to deal with the emotions you are experiencing is to talk about them. Ideally, it would be with your parents. However, because you're afraid it will be too painful for them, you need to find another adult with whom you can vent.

It is important to let the feelings you're bottling up come out because they are normal. Releasing them will help ease your pain. A counselor at school can help, or if you'd be more comfortable with someone else, talk to your clergyperson.

DEAR ABBY: You frequently recommend that readers seek therapy. I've been in therapy for eight years and see very little progress. Do you have any statistics that prove how helpful therapy actually is? -- SKEPTICAL IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SKEPTICAL: I don't have any statistics -- but I do have some advice for you: Change therapists! After eight years and little progress, you're with the wrong person.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of nine employees who work in a jewelry store owned by "Tom" and "Carol," a husband and wife. Tom is having an affair with "Angie," our bookkeeper. I know, because I have heard him talk about it to my co-workers. Carol is suspicious and has approached each of us to ask if anything is going on between them. So far we have covered for them.

Abby, we are getting tired of covering for our boss. It creates tension to lie to Carol, and personally, I feel a lot of guilt over this.

Some of us have suggested to Angie that she quit, but she has no intention of doing so.

Should we tell Carol what we know, tell Angie's husband, or just keep our mouths shut and continue working in these uncomfortable circumstances? -- UNEASY IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNEASY: I don't blame you for feeling uneasy. You have been placed squarely in the middle. It is unfair for your boss to expect you to lie for him, and equally unfair that his wife is asking you to be her stool pigeon.

Carol probably knows what's what. She shouldn't be putting her employees on the spot to obtain proof that Tom's fooling around. If she questions you again, simply say, "Sorry, I have nothing to say." I assure you, she'll get the message.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do with someone who has no manners? A relative of my husband's has been dating a woman for more than a year. They are both in their 30s, and there's a strong possibility they will marry.

Whenever a group of us get together to go out for dinner, on vacation or anywhere, she puts a damper on the entire event. She won't converse (and it's not because she's shy), she never smiles, she just sits with her arms crossed and is absolutely miserable.

She has been to our home for dinner on a couple of occasions. Afterward she gets up from the table and never, ever, says please or thank you. She's the most immature, self-centered, unpleasant human being I have ever met. Even our children comment on her rudeness -- in addition to the group of people we go out with. She is even rude to my mother-in-law, but her boyfriend just doesn't see it.

They say that love is blind -- but that blind? It has reached the point that we don't want to associate with this couple. Would I be out of line to say something to her (particularly when she is in my home) about her lack of manners, and if so -- what do you suggest I say? (I know what I'd like to say!) -- FUMING IN DELAWARE

DEAR FUMING: From your description of this unhappy young woman's body language, it is obvious that she's desperately uncomfortable in social situations with you and "the group." It is possible that she suffers from a social phobia of some sort.

Rather than confront her about her "bad manners," make a date to see her alone. Then, in the kindest way possible, try to get her to open up about what's bothering her.

If that doesn't work, then talk to your husband's relative about your concerns. His girlfriend may suffer from emotional problems that could be helped with counseling or medication.

As a last resort, curtail your invitations to them.

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice about my girlfriend "Vivian's" son. "Kirk" is 22 and very immature. I love Vivian with all my heart, and I get upset when Kirk verbally abuses her. I try not to say anything because I feel it's not my place because he's not my son.

Kirk hasn't worked in two years. He walks into his mother's house and takes whatever he wants -- food, toothpaste, rolls of toilet paper, etc. He won't help her around the house, mow the lawn or wash a dirty dish he has used. And he lives rent-free in one of the duplexes his mother bought for additional income.

Vivian is a wonderful woman who is hard-working and self-supporting. She's also tired of her son's lack of motivation and how he takes her for granted.

I know a mother doesn't want to see her child go hungry, but where do you draw the line? -- FED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: Vivian should draw the line at the front door. By tolerating her son's disrespectful behavior she is doing him no favors. Unless he actively looks for a job, stops helping himself to her property and does something to repay her generosity (mowing the lawn and washing the dishes he uses would be a good start), she should stop "helping" him. What she's doing is crippling her son, who may be in need of counseling.

DEAR ABBY: Please inform your readers not to invite people to bridal showers if they're not invited to the wedding.

I was invited to a shower and accidentally found out I wasn't being invited to the wedding. At first I was upset, but imagine how mortified I felt when I was told that if some of the invited guests sent back a refusal, then I would be invited to the wedding. I would have preferred to have been told, "I'd love to have you, but we just can't afford to invite all of the lovely people we would like."

I know this isn't the first time you've mentioned something like this in your column, but it amazes me how insensitive people can be. -- SECOND STRING, BRADFORD, MASS.

DEAR SECOND STRING: Being told we are at the top of the "B" list makes us feel really wanted, doesn't it? If people would take just a moment to consider how their words and deeds affect others, what a kinder, gentler world this would be.

P.S. For the record: People who will not be invited to the wedding should not be asked to attend a bridal shower.

DEAR ABBY: My divorced daughter stretched her food budget to "surprise" me with my favorite double cheese pizza with black olive topping. After everyone had eaten, I eyed the leftovers and decided to help out by gorging on the extra slices.

My subsequent gallstone attack did not hurt as much as my oldest granddaughter's query: "Grandpa, why did you force yourself to finish the pizza? Mommy promised us it would be our snack tomorrow."

Gluttonous guests -- and that includes me -- should not assume that "leftovers" are fair game. The hostess may have plans for them. -- S.G. IN LAGUNA WOODS

DEAR S.G.: How true. Wisdom -- and good manners -- dictate that nothing should be taken from the host's kitchen without permission. I have received more than one letter over the years describing a refrigerator raid in which the guest wound up with a sandwich loaded with what turned out to be pet food.