DEAR ABBY: My younger brother confided that he got a girl pregnant. I'm the only one he has told and it's killing me. The baby is about two months old, and my folks still don't know they could possibly be grandparents. My brother doesn't want to tell them right now, and he also doesn't want a paternity test to see if the baby is his because he doesn't want to face the reality that he could really be a father.

Abby, knowing that I could have a niece out there is killing me because there are so many children who harbor resentment toward their absentee fathers. I really want to do the right thing and get my parents involved, but if I do I'll lose my brother's trust. If I don't tell, I will have to live with the fact that I am abetting my brother being another stereotypical dead-beat dad. Please help. -- AUNT IN DISGUISE

DEAR AUNT IN DISGUISE: How old is your brother? From your description, he is acting like a 14-year-old. Have another talk with him and tell him that because he is old enough to father a child, he's also old enough to accept responsibility for his actions. The time to tell his parents everything and start supporting his child in every way he can is now.

Of course, before making any announcements, he should be sure the baby is actually his. A paternity test will let him off the hook if he isn't the father. So give him a deadline to have the test done, and if it shows he is the baby daddy, set another one for him to inform your parents or you will. The longer the delay, the harder it will be.

DEAR ABBY: I recently discovered that my mother has been purchasing catalog items using my name and not paying for them. I have confronted her, but she denies it even though the items are in her home. My mother is much better off financially than I am and has no need to use my credit.

I have spoken to the companies and had mixed results. Some have agreed to put the bill in her name, others refused. At this point, I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. -- JOANNA IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR JOANNA: Your mother's behavior is shameful. Talk to your credit card companies and ask for new credit cards. If this is allowed to continue, your mother will destroy your credit. Tell her that you expect her to pay the charges she has incurred immediately, and you want proof of payment. Warn her that if it doesn't happen, you will inform the fraud division of your local police and let them deal with her. Then follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I recently discovered that my mother has been purchasing catalog items using my name and not paying for them. I have confronted her, but she denies it even though the items are in her home. My mother is much better off financially than I am and has no need to use my credit.

I have spoken to the companies and had mixed results. Some have agreed to put the bill in her name, others refused. At this point, I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. -- JOANNA IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR JOANNA: Your mother's behavior is shameful. Talk to your credit card companies and ask for new credit cards. If this is allowed to continue, your mother will destroy your credit. Tell her that you expect her to pay the charges she has incurred immediately, and you want proof of payment. Warn her that if it doesn't happen, you will inform the fraud division of your local police and let them deal with her. Then follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I found out my husband has been corresponding with prostitutes he picked up when we went on vacation. He emailed them twice, but the second one hurt me the most. He sent her money. I confronted him and was ready to end the marriage, but we have a son.

He denied having sexual contact with the women and said he was just flirting, so I forgave him. But I told him I won't tolerate it a third time. He agreed to have marriage counseling and do his part to convince me he will change.

Is it worth it to try again for the sake of our son? I don't trust him anymore, but I still love him. -- READY TO LET GO

DEAR READY: When a man gives money to a hooker, it's usually for a reason. The reason isn't charity; it's for services he wants rendered. (And they don't take money in arrears.)

No one can decide for you whether or not to stay in the marriage, but before making any decisions, make it your first priority to contact your doctor and be checked for STDs. Who knows what your husband might have picked up while "flirting."

If you do decide to remain in the marriage, you'd be wise to schedule regular appointments for STD checkups. Your husband has shown himself to be not only a philanderer but also a liar.

DEAR ABBY: I have been meaning to write to you for a long time. Now that we have gone through another year of Mother's Day and Father's Day, would you please acknowledge those of us who did not have a parent who deserved to be honored? SOME PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BE PARENTS! I dread these commercialized days every year. Our planet does not lack for population. We don't need more people.

There are horror stories every day in the media about child abuse, yet you honor these people without qualification. For those who have parents who deserve to be honored, I'm happy for you. But the celebration is only salt in the wounds of those of us who wish we'd never been born. -- ONE OF THEM IN LONGMONT, COLO.

DEAR ONE OF THEM: I agree that the commercialization of certain holidays can be painful for those who cannot join in the celebration. This would include children and adults who were abused or neglected by their parents, as well as those who no longer have living parents.

I doubt many people remain childless for the public good. Usually there are deeply personal reasons for it. For people who are childless by choice, every day is an affirmation of their decision. However, for those who want children and cannot have them, their loss can be excruciating.

DEAR ABBY: Can you give any advice for a male in his 50s who is still a virgin, who is afraid of being intimate and hasn't even kissed a girl since high school? Is it OK to live and enjoy life this way, or is sex something that every human should experience? -- CURIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR CURIOUS: If someone is happy and enjoying life having never had sexual relations, then it's OK. However, if you are still a virgin because of fear of intimacy, this is something to discuss with a psychologist to help you understand what caused your fear and inability to trust, because you could be getting more out of life than you have settled for.

DEAR ABBY: My nephew "George" -- who dumped his wife and children for a barmaid -- died recently. He was dead broke, so my sister paid for his funeral. I didn't attend, but I was told that George's cremated remains were put in a whiskey bottle by the barmaid, and the bottle was going to be buried in my mother's grave.

Why my sister, his siblings and his kids went along with this idea I'll never know. None of us were raised that way. I found out about it only after the service and put a stop to it. As far as I'm concerned, they could have buried him in a condom, but not in my mother's grave! Was I wrong to put a stop to this travesty? -- DISGUSTED UNCLE

DEAR DISGUSTED UNCLE: No, you weren't. Your sister, nieces and nephews may have agreed because it seemed like a low-cost way to dispose of George's remains. But I'll bet they didn't know the cemetery would charge a hefty fee for a second interment.

Because your nephew spent his life with a woman who worked in a bar, there's a certain symmetry to the idea of a whiskey bottle being used as his urn. I was told of a widow who did the same thing with her husband's ashes -- and then she had the bottle made into a lamp because her husband "lit up her life." Someone should mention it to George's grieving lady friend as a way to keep him with her until they can be buried (or scattered) somewhere together.

DEAR ABBY: I exercise in the pool at a women's health club. Several women there share personal information with each other in loud voices. One of them talks nonstop with anyone she can get to engage with her.

By the way, these women are not exercising. They just stand in the pool socializing. Abby, I'm a captive audience! I can't escape from their chatter. I don't want to hear about their divorce, colonoscopy or aches and pains. I have mentioned this to the staff with no success.

Could you please address voice volume and appropriate sharing in confined spaces? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The staff at the gym may be reluctant to speak to the women because they're afraid it will cause them to cancel their memberships. That's why the person who should address the voice volume issue is you. The women may be unaware that you can hear every word they say. If asking the magpies to pipe down doesn't work, then you'll have to swim at a time when they are not around.

DEAR ABBY: I was cleaning out my closets and I'm wondering if there is any advice you can give on donating household items to charity. Is there a right way or wrong way to pack them up? -- GAIL IN OSHKOSH, WIS.

DEAR GAIL: Any items you decide to donate should be clean and in good working order. If you are getting rid of china or glassware, toss anything that is chipped and wrap the rest individually in newspaper so it arrives at its destination without breaking. Clothing should be clean, neatly folded and free of stains. Before giving your things away, ask yourself if you were on the receiving end, would you want it?