DEAR ABBY: I am planning a trip to Thailand next year and would like to find a traveling partner. I don't care whether the person is male or female. My plan is to visit the country and rent a cabin for a month. My interest is solely to share expenses and have a platonic relationship with my travelmate because going alone is very expensive. Thanks for whatever input you can give me. -- TRAVELER FROM KANSAS CITY

DEAR TRAVELER: You're welcome. My "input" is to urge you to rethink this. I do not recommend that you go to a foreign country and rent a cabin in the middle of nowhere with someone you don't know because it could be dangerous. What if there is a medical emergency or your companion has misrepresented him- or herself?

Traveling, even with someone you do know, can present problems unless you have a high degree of compatibility and similar habits. Low-budget tours are available, and I urge you to research them.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago my husband and I were having an argument. He stormed out of the house and was killed in a wreck while talking to his brother on his cellphone.

His family blames me for arguing with him. While I feel sad that the last thing we did was argue, I feel his brother should shoulder some of the blame because he was on the cellphone with him, which is illegal in our state.

Luckily, no one else was hurt in the crash, but I am very hurt that "John's" family is so angry at me. Please remind folks not to drive while on a cellphone. -- IDAHO WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your husband. It is important you understand that your former in-laws are angry at the fact that he is dead, and are looking for someone other than him to blame for their pain. If your brother-in-law knew John was on his cellphone while driving, then I'm sure he carries some guilt about it. But the fault lies with your husband, rest his angry soul.

P.S. If your letter serves as a reminder to readers not to use a cellphone -- or text -- while driving, his death will not have been in vain.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a recently divorced man who was married to a very controlling woman for 31 years. I love him very much and see myself with him in the future. However, at the age of 53, he is interested in pursuing a singing career.

I dated a musician for 16 years and I do not want a relationship with another one. I'm pretending to be supportive because I don't want to be another woman telling him what to do or stifling his dreams. Inside I am dreading it. I become physically ill when I think of losing another man to music.

On the other hand, I can't imagine my life without him. Should I continue to pretend to support him and hope he fails, or let him know that I don't want to be with a musician? -- OUT OF TUNE IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR OUT OF TUNE: It is in neither of your best interests for you to continue lying to him because the truth will come to light eventually. He is not the person you dated for 16 years, so let him pursue his dream. The odds of a 53-year-old man becoming an overnight national sensation are long, but after 31 years of misery with his ex, if he can enjoy some success on the local level, please don't begrudge him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl and I hope you will print this because it's about something important. I have an iPod Touch. My friends and I wanted to text, so I asked my mom if I could download a program to talk to my friends. She said it was OK.

I really like "The Hunger Games," so I went into a "Hunger Games" chat room and started talking with some boys there. The next thing I knew there were three men texting me, asking me questions about sex and asking for pictures. (It started with them asking if I was fat, and when I said no, I was asked to send a picture of me in a bathing suit to prove it.) Then they wanted me to send some without the top. I felt really pressured.

I got so scared I couldn't sleep, so I had to tell my mom. She helped me delete my account and told me it was dangerous, but she always loves me. It was hard for me to tell her because I was scared she was going to be mad.

I want your readers to know this can happen and there are chat room apps for iPods. I'm smart. I get good grades in school, but these guys almost tricked me into doing something I didn't want to do. I still have trouble sleeping because I'm afraid one of them will see me on the street and do something to me. What should I do? -- TERRIFIED FROM TEXTING

DEAR TERRIFIED: I'm glad you took the time to write. You are a very lucky girl. You are fortunate to have a good relationship with your mother and that you could go to her right away when you realized you were in over your head.

Remember, once something is on the Web it's there for good. You are intelligent enough that things didn't progress any further.

Thank you for wanting to warn other young people about your experience. Adults can lecture about the dangers of communicating with strangers on the Internet, but it's easy to tune them out. It's also easy to forget that the same rules apply in the virtual world as apply in the real world. If something makes you uncomfortable, listen to your gut and leave the area.

I hope other young women will learn from what happened to you and recognize how careful they must be in chat rooms because as your experience illustrates, not everyone is who they pretend to be.

Bottom line: If anyone wants to text or chat and things progress in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it's time to carefully consider whether to proceed or not. Immediately show the text or chat to someone (a parent or an older, more knowledgeable friend) and ask for an opinion, Remember, you have the ability to block the person at any time. Do not let anyone -- whether you know him or her or not -- force you to do anything.

DEAR ABBY: I am a healthy, active older man who is in love with a woman my age. Coincidentally, we are in-laws. Her husband and my wife are both deceased. Having known each other for many years, we are very close and have found renewed happiness with each other. We are in love.

Our adult children tell us we are not being rational. Our peers see nothing wrong with it. Do we ignore our children's advice and seek happiness together for the next few years? Please tell me something that makes sense. -- CONFUSED RETIRED ENGINEER

DEAR CONFUSED: You have raised your kids and buried your wife. You deserve to be happy. What makes sense is you and this lady you have known for years being happily together. Your children's attitude is what's irrational.

DEAR ABBY: I was glad to see the letter you printed from "Fine With My Decision" (April 22). I placed a baby boy for adoption when I was 16. My parents were bitterly disappointed and sent me out of state. But despite my somewhat immature and rebellious nature, I was -- and remain -- glad my parents made me do the right thing.

In the years since, there has been a trend toward "open adoptions" and emotional reunions between birth mothers and adoptees who were separated under the "closed system." I think open adoption is probably healthier for everyone except in cases of rape, incest or abuse/neglect.

If the child I gave birth to were to come looking for me, I feel that's his right and I wouldn't turn him away. But I have never felt a desire to look for him. His birth was not a happy event in my life, and I don't care to revisit that chapter. I don't regard him as my son. The people who raised him are his parents, not the green kid who got herself in trouble.

I'm somewhat younger than the girls who gave up babies from the 1940s to 1960s, so I didn't get the "keep it a deep dark secret" advice. I also don't feel I was unfairly coerced. I was 16 and couldn't support a child. When I think of how my life would have been if I'd kept him, I'm sure I did the right thing.

Thanks for writing, "Fine With My Decision." You've got company in me, and I'm sure there are plenty more of us out there. -- FINE WITH MY DECISION, TOO

DEAR FINE TOO: Your letter expresses the sentiments of many women who responded, as I knew they would. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: I gave up my daughter when I was 20. I have thought about her many times, but have no other feelings than hoping she's OK. I gave her up because I knew I wasn't ready for motherhood. I never married and have no other children.

I have enjoyed my life. I wish my daughter, wherever she is, the best, and I hope her life has been great. I'd love to meet her someday, to be sure she's all right, but if it never happens, that's OK, too.

Some people are born without that "mother" instinct, and it's best they not have children they really don't want. Too many people become parents because they think it's the thing to do, and the children suffer. -- SINGLE AND HAPPY

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adoptee and while our situations are not the same, I can assure the woman who wrote you that she's not a "freak." I applaud her honesty about her feelings and appreciate her willingness to give her child the chance to connect with biological relatives who do want a relationship. The support groups she has encountered exist because people who regret their decisions need support. It's not likely there would be groups for people who don't feel that sense of regret.

In my case, I was conceived because my birth parents wanted to make money. They were ahead of their time, shall we say, in terms of surrogate parenthood. I wish I could have met them, but both died long before I began my search.

Achieving adulthood for me was the realization that no matter how we start out, in the long run, our lives are our responsibility. I hope "Fine" stops beating herself up and uses that energy to nurture the relationships she does have, including the one she has with herself. -- REV. J. IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adoptive parent, and I see nothing strange, coldhearted or unusual about "Fine With My Decision." I love my adopted daughter as I would a biological child. She's my daughter. End of conversation. A birth parent creates adoptive families by making a decision in her child's best interests. If part of the process is 100 percent removal from the child's life from day one, that's acceptable and normal.

An adoption is a final act, and it's not weird that it is final for a birth parent. Relationships between birth parents and adoptive families range across the spectrum, from no relationship to nuclear family activities. All of this is normal and nobody should question where they are on the spectrum. -- KAREN IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I placed my son for adoption. My family wanted me to keep him, but I knew they would be raising him instead of me. There are times I wonder what became of him. I hope he's happy and that he has grown up to be a fine man. But I don't beat myself up about it. I have no other children, but that was my decision. No regrets. Women who have made this decision for the most part wish others would not judge us for it, because people rarely know the circumstances that led to the decision. -- NO REGRETS IN MICHIGAN