DEAR ABBY: My son is 24 and was honorably discharged as a corporal after a four-year enlistment in the U.S. Marine Corps. He was deployed twice to Iraq. Since his return he has been attending community college, but he lacks the focus and is bored. He has recently announced that he would like to return to the military.

When he approached the Marine recruiter to re-enlist, he was told he's ineligible due to tattoos on his arms. After four years of honorable and devoted service, this rejection is insulting. He has announced to family that he will pursue enlistment in the French Foreign Legion next year.

This is very distressing to me, and I'm sick with worry about his well-being. I do not want him to go off to fight in a foreign military. Can you offer any words of wisdom? -- WORRIED MOM IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Encourage your son to explore enlistment opportunities with other branches of the U.S. military regarding their tattoo policies. However, while you and I might consider his desire to join the French Foreign Legion to be an extreme overreaction to his rejection by the Marines, as an adult he has a right to make that choice. If he goes through with his plan, he may see less action than he would as a member of the U.S. military.

While I can't make this easier for you as a parent, I do have this advice to offer. Tell your son it would be in his best interest to learn some basic French before he goes.

DEAR ABBY: My twin sister and I have lived across the country from each other for many years, but have remained close through phone calls. Two years ago she began talking politics, and we realized we differ on the topic. I asked her if we could not talk so much about the subject and just "agree to disagree."

Things were fine until she planned a visit to see me and also a friend who agrees politically with her. I told her she was welcome to use my car to see her friend, but I didn't want to go because I knew politics would be brought up. It made her very angry, and she ended up canceling her trip.

We have continued our phone chats, and I stayed with her several days last year to celebrate our brother's birthday. But the bond we had is no longer there. I can feel her and my brother pulling away from me. I'm sure it's because of our political differences.

I don't know how to turn things around. I have never argued with them, but feel they are making me an outsider. How can I get them back without compromising my own views?

Twenty years ago, my sister and I differed on some religious points, and she wanted nothing to do with me for the next two years. It took our mother's death to get us back together. Help! -- LOVES MY TWIN

DEAR LOVES: While you and your twin were womb-mates, nowhere is it written that because of your twinship you must think in unison. For the time being, my advice is to calm down. This being an election year, feelings are running high. Keep the lines of communication open as far as your sister and brother will allow. After the election is over, your relationship may normalize.

However, if it doesn't, then it's important you remember that the experiences we have as we travel life's path can turn even twins into very different people. Accept that, and your heart will be less fragile.

DEAR ABBY: "Wants to Do the Right Thing" (April 18) asked about using email to thank those who donated to a fundraiser for her son, who has bone cancer. What is wrong with that?

I have been there. One of my twin boys was diagnosed with cancer at age 2. I was grateful for all the help my family and friends gave me, but I did not always have the time or energy to devote to writing thank-you cards.

You really have to have experienced this kind of long-term stress and trauma to understand. It takes all the strength you have to just get through each day without breaking down. For larger donations, I would write a card when I could or print some out on my computer. Sometimes I recruited a friend or family member to handle thank-you notes. People always ask, "What can I do?" Well, assign them this task!

Another way of thanking people was through a blog, like CaringBridge. These free websites were a great way to keep in touch with people and let them know what was going on. I often posted general notes of thanks there, then emailed everyone who contributed with a link to the site. The truth is, it was difficult to accept charity and help from others, and I often found myself overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support. -- TRULY THANKFUL IN NEW YORK

DEAR TRULY THANKFUL: Thank you for your heartfelt letter and helpful suggestions. I reminded "Wants" that writing personal thank-you notes was the proper thing to do, but not all readers agreed. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: Any spare time that mom has needs to be spent with her family or taking care of herself. They are going through a very difficult time.

I believe that in this day and age, the majority of people would understand and not expect a thank-you note for their donation. So a quick email of thanks would be more than appreciated. Email is more acceptable now, especially among younger people. If this is all she has time for, it's better than no thank-you at all. -- KELLY IN WINCHESTER, VA.

DEAR ABBY: To that mother of the child with cancer: Instead of writing thank-you notes to all the people who help you in the community, please spend that time with your son. Someday, return the favor with some other family's child. Many families in our town cope with childhood cancer. We help each other. It is important that you spend every precious moment with him, not writing cards. We all understand. -- PAYING IT FORWARD IN CLYDE, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: You correctly advised "Wants" that a handwritten, personal note was in order. However, having found myself in this position, I sometimes first send out a quick "blanket" email to all the donors:

"Dear Friends and Family, you are great to contribute to our cause. Please forgive this email reply, but we want you to know right away how much your support means to us. You'll be hearing from us personally as soon as possible."

This acknowledges the generosity immediately, while relieving some stress for the writer at a busy time. -- WISE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Wants" that her son should write some of the letters if he's old enough. The notes should be to people he knows. Folks won't expect a thank-you right away. -- CANCER SURVIVOR IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: Handwrite those notes. Make them brief. Following my wife's death two years ago, I handwrote about 400 thank-yous to those who had sent cards and flowers or made donations. It was cathartic for me, and it recognized the efforts of those who contributed. -- DOING THE RIGHT THING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I have been in an on-again/off-again relationship with a man for 16 years -- more on than off. We have two boys together. He recently moved back in, and things are going well.

We're in our 30s, and I'm ready to be more than girlfriend and boyfriend. I'd like to ask this special man in my life to marry me, but I'm not sure if a woman should ever propose marriage to a man. Should I go ahead and do it, or just be patient and hope that one day he will ask me to take the next big step? -- LONGING FOR MORE IN TEXAS

DEAR LONGING FOR MORE: By all means, ask him to formalize your relationship. After 16 years and two children, you deserve to know where the relationship is going. And when you do, mention that you'd like him to go to the altar willingly -- before the boys are big enough to hog-tie and drag him there to make an "honest woman" of their mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a vegetarian and anti-fur advocate for many years, and most of my friends and family know it. I feel strongly that wearing fur and leather is cruel and unnecessary, but I don't lecture anyone who doesn't ask my opinion.

What would be the proper response when someone gives me an item with real animal fur or genuine leather? It has happened before, and while I appreciate that someone has bought me a gift, I'm horrified and heartbroken seeing what's inside the box when I open it, and disappointed knowing that the person has contributed to the unkind and atrocious fur industry. I find it difficult to bring myself to say "thank you" for something I find so morally abhorrent.

What is the appropriate response in this situation? Is it acceptable for me to use this as an opportunity to educate the person on the horrors of fur fashions? -- VEGGIE IN NEW YORK

DEAR VEGGIE: No, it isn't. Good manners dictate that you graciously thank the giver and then, if you wish, give the gift a respectful, private burial or regift it to a carnivore.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband is remarrying. We have always tried to be civil toward each other because of our daughter, who is 16. I try to be the bigger person in dealing with him in order to set a good example for her.

He called her last night after not having called her in several weeks and told her that if she wants to be in his wedding, I (meaning me) should purchase her dress. I thought it was inappropriate for him not only to tell her that, but also to expect me to pay for it.

When I remarried years ago, I never would have dreamed of asking him for money for her attire. My daughter even thinks this is unrealistic.

I usually try to keep things positive when it comes to situations with him, but I don't think I'm giving in on this one. Do you agree? -- EX IN ILLINOIS

DEAR EX: You said you try to keep things positive to set a good example for your daughter. While I agree your ex's demand that you pay for the dress is petty (and cheap), be the bigger person one more time and buy it for her if she wishes to participate rather than argue about it. Then cross your fingers and hope it's his last wedding.