DEAR ABBY: My sister has decided to let her 14-year-old son have a girlfriend. This is contrary to every value we grew up with as kids into adulthood.

She has met the girl's parents and says they "immediately clicked" and she knew right away that they share the same morals. The parents now set up situations where the two kids can get together. Not only have my nephew and the girl bonded, but the parents have become fast friends.

I see no problem with a little puppy love that happens in school, but is it asking for trouble when parents start to create dating situations when kids are so young? What happens if they are eventually allowed to be alone? Or one of them wants to break up but is afraid to hurt not only the other, but also the parents?

My sister says she's "guiding her son through his first romance." I say an eighth-grader is too young and she's inviting a myriad of problems. We have fought over this because she says I'm not being "flexible" and because this hasn't happened to my child yet. I offered my opinion only after I was asked what I thought of my nephew's girlfriend after she posted pictures on the Internet. Am I right to think this is crazy, Abby? -- SANE AUNT IN GEORGIA

DEAR SANE AUNT: Let's just say it is ill-advised rather than crazy. But I agree that your sister is headed for trouble because she isn't allowing her son's "first romance" to develop naturally.

First love often peaks and burns out quickly. When there are two sets of intermeshed parents involved, it can lead to lasting hurt feelings and sometimes enmity.

However, if you think your sister is going to listen to either of us, you're dreaming. So quit offering unsolicited advice and stay tuned for what's coming because there are lessons to be learned for everyone involved.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married this year and I'd like to challenge the notion that it's rude to ask for gifts toward a honeymoon or other big-ticket items such as home improvements or a car. My fiance and I own our home and we don't need a lot of the traditional items couples receive at their wedding.

Our families have been very understanding, but I'm sick to death of hearing or reading that it's rude to ask for money. Shouldn't wedding guests be happy to celebrate the couple in a way that they need and not force them to register for a bunch of material things they won't use? -- ALREADY HAS A BLENDER

DEAR ALREADY HAS A ...: Your question is very common. I receive variations on this theme in every batch of mail that arrives.

It is considered rude to ask for money on a wedding invitation, just as it is considered rude for brides and grooms to raise the subject themselves. When a wedding invitation is accepted, the guests usually contact whoever issued the invitation to inquire where the couple is registered. Once asked, it is then appropriate to reply, "They're not registered for gifts because they already have everything they need, but monetary gifts would be appreciated."

Some couples set up financial registries for this purpose with their bank or other financial institution, and there are also honeymoon registries and charitable gift registries if guests would prefer to donate to a worthy cause chosen by the happy couple.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 15 years. We skipped the honeymoon after our wedding so we could save up for our 15th anniversary, which we will celebrate this summer. We plan to stay at one of the resorts at Disney World.

When I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, she said, "It's silly to go to a place like Disney World without a child or two," and asked me if we would bring her son and his friend with us. I refused, saying that this trip is for my husband and me. She then accused us of being childish and selfish. I agree that going to Disney World may be childish -- that's the whole point -- but selfish? Do you agree with that? -- CHILD AT HEART

DEAR CHILD: No, I do not. For your sister-in-law to have said what she did was rude and nervy. Unless the children were yours and you wanted them to accompany you, a honeymoon (belated or not) is for the couple celebrating their marriage. Shame on her.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating a nice man for three months and we have spent every weekend together. Recently, he has talked about taking me to a family celebration in another state. The conversation prompted me to initiate a discussion about where we are in our relationship. During the course of our talk, he explained that he feels it's too early for us to be an official couple. But he does want me to meet his parents.

I don't see why I should invest the time and energy to meet his family if he's still thinking about dating other people. Do you agree? -- NERVOUS IN D.C.

DEAR NERVOUS: I sure don't. When a man wants you to meet his family, it's a compliment. It doesn't necessarily mean he has marriage on his mind. If you are interested in him with an eye on becoming a couple, accept his invitation. It will give you a chance to see what kind of family he comes from and how they treat each other, which is valuable insight. It will also give his family a chance to see what a charming, personable woman you are.

If you refuse the invitation for the reason you stated, I'd be surprised if the relationship developed much further.

DEAR ABBY: Please help with something that has been on my mind for years. I am one of your male readers. I have a sister, "Eileen," who is a bit older. We had a wonderful childhood and are close.

When Eileen entered college, she became pregnant. Because she was unmarried, she and Mom went to a different city and she had the baby. I believe the child was placed for adoption. I don't know if it was a boy or girl.

Eileen returned home, finished college, got married and now has a family. It was never mentioned again. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about the baby she had. I think about it a lot and wonder if I should ask her, or if it's too painful for her to discuss after all these years. I sometimes think I have a niece or nephew out there and wonder what he or she is like. Should I ask my sister or just leave it alone? -- WISTFUL OUT WEST

DEAR WISTFUL: I'm sure your sister also sometimes thinks about the child she placed for adoption and wonders what he or she is like. However, unless she raises the subject with you, my advice is to leave it alone. If it has never been mentioned again, there is a good reason for it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is 53, talks often about his college days when he smoked marijuana. I tried it once and didn't like it. Over the past several years he has started smoking it again.

I have told him I don't approve, but he says he does it only occasionally "to take the edge off." Many times he has smoked when we're out on bike rides, on road trips or a Sunday drive. It makes me feel like he needs to be high in order to have a good time with me.

I tried compromising by asking him not to do it when we are together. He agreed, but he doesn't keep his word. He does it thinking I don't know what he's up to.

I have noticed that he is becoming forgetful and is sometimes unable to understand information. Is this a midlife crisis he's going through? How do I get him to stop? -- MRS. POTHEAD IN WINONA, MINN.

DEAR MRS. POTHEAD: It's not a midlife crisis. I'm told that the grass that's available today is far stronger than when your hubby smoked it in college.

Your husband may be becoming forgetful and unable to process information because he's smoking pot a lot, or because of a neurological problem. Because marijuana slows reaction time, he should not be driving while under the influence, and you shouldn't be riding with him.

Since you can't convince him to stop, you could benefit from visiting a support group for families and friends of individuals who are addicted to drugs, because marijuana is one, and it appears your husband has become addicted.

P.S. Of course, marijuana is also illegal.

DEAR ABBY: "Jerry," my husband, has been sending pictures of himself to online dating sites, advertising for a personal relationship with the so-called "right woman."

I feel this is a betrayal of our marriage vows and that it's cheating. He claims he's "just looking" at what's out there.

My concern is, why is he looking in the first place? All I get from him is "I love you" and "I want to be with you." I have seen these dating sites, and I feel hurt and betrayed. Am I wrong to feel this way, or should I believe what he says about harmless fun? -- BROKEN-HEARTED LIBRA, LOUISVILLE, KY.

DEAR LIBRA: Your instincts are right on the money. You have every right to feel betrayed, hurt and cheated on because your husband's words don't match his actions. What he's doing is not "harmless fun"; it is a danger to your marriage. Do not tolerate it. Run, don't walk, to a marriage counselor. If your husband won't go with you, go alone because your marriage could depend upon it.

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced 20 years ago and have two children from my marriage. My ex-husband was black and I am Caucasian. Over the years, when I've discussed my children or showed photos of them, people have asked me if they are "mixed," if they have the same father and if I was married to their father. I presume that some folks assume interracial marriage indicates a lack of good judgment, giving rise to further inappropriate questions.

I would love a good, snappy comeback to those questions without stooping to their level of rudeness. I have tried, "Why would you ask me that?" and got even more questions. Any advice or help you could give would be great. -- TAKEN ABACK IN INDIANA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Rather than a snappy comeback, why not simply answer "yes" to all three of those questions and end the conversation?