DEAR ABBY: Over the years you have published letters about the hard work done by wives who stayed at home and advised that husbands should share some of the load.

I am a male. When I was married I got up with the kids, made breakfast, packed their lunches, cleaned the kitchen and left for work. I did 90 percent of the grocery shopping and prepared dinner four or five nights a week. On weekends, I cut the grass, trimmed shrubs and repaired whatever needed fixing. I took care of the cars and found time to have fun with the kids.

My wife liked late-night TV and was too tired to get up in the morning. She also loved the morning talk shows and shopping. She did laundry, but I paid for a cleaning lady because vacuuming hurt her back.

When I resisted her controlling ways, she would become violent. She was jealous, dependent, possessive and angry. After 29 years, I finally decided to get a life. She got the house, the money, the anger and the dog. And me? I got the happiness! -- FREE MAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR FREE MAN: It is no longer shocking to hear about long marriages being dissolved. In your case, while the financial penalty may be sizable, it appears to have been worth it. When a relationship becomes one-sided and counseling can't resolve the conflicts, divorce is the answer.

Because of the years of domestic abuse you endured, I hope you will consider counseling so your future relationships will not be adversely affected by your long, unhappy marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Tammi," is attending college in a neighboring state. When I text or call her, she doesn't respond. I have asked her to please just text me back saying she's OK. She says my texting her once a day is "overkill" and I should stop doing it so often -- once a week is often enough. I feel it is disrespectful of Tammi not to respond to my texts, even with a simple "OK" or "fine." She texts her friends all the time, so I don't think five seconds is too much to ask of her.

I'm willing to compromise and text Tammi every other day or every three days. She is my only child and I want to know that she is well. Am I being unrealistic or asking too much? -- TAMMI'S MOM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MOM: Tammi may be your only child, but she's a young woman now, and she needs room to grow up and establish some emotional independence. What you're demanding is an example of helicopter parenting. If you are worried for your daughter's safety, ask her to carry a card in her wallet identifying you as the person to be notified in case of an emergency.

DEAR ABBY: Would you settle a small disagreement? When we are being seated in a restaurant, my husband thanks the maitre d', the server when he is handed the menu and again when his order is taken.

He also thanks the server when his meal arrives at the table, when his iced tea is served, when it is refilled and when the bill is handed to him. As we are on our way out, he again thanks the maitre d' or hostess. Isn't this overdoing a good thing? -- SUFFERING IN SILENCE

DEAR SUFFERING: I don't think so. Your husband was taught to verbally express his appreciation when something is done for him. He takes nothing for granted. And that is an admirable trait, not something to complain about.

DEAR ABBY: I married "Linda" 22 years ago. Three years later, the marriage was over. After our divorce, I came out as gay. I met a wonderful man in 1996, and we were married in Iowa in 2009.

Over the years, I have wondered how Linda was getting along. I'd like to get back in touch with her. At one time we lived only a few miles from her. I drove by her home, but lost my nerve when I saw her father standing outside. Family members discouraged me from attempting to contact her after our split. I heard a few weeks ago that Linda has remarried, although I'm not sure how long ago.

Obviously, I have no desire to rekindle a romance. I'm happily married and assume she is, too. I would like to talk with her, but I don't know if it would be a mistake. I have considered contacting her via a third party. What do you think? -- LINDA'S EX IN COUNCIL BLUFFS

DEAR EX: Before reaching out you need to ask yourself what you would gain by making contact, and equally important, what Linda would gain. If she blamed herself for the failure of the marriage, contact with you might be reassuring. If you realized your true sexual orientation only after the divorce, then telling her might relieve any guilt you have about it. But only you -- not I -- can make this decision.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to protest something that has made shopping increasingly frustrating. I'm referring to rude people who cut in ahead of customers who have been standing in line when the clerk calls out, "Next, please."

I place the responsibility solely on store management to ensure that lines move smoothly and fairly. Stores that have such arrangements are more likely to get my business. Management must empower clerks to insist on fairness in this regard. I have seen too many weak salespeople accept whoever rushes forward first.

I'm sure that many other readers have experienced the same frustration I have. If you print this, I promise I will copy it and send it to the store management where I've had these experiences. Abby, this would be a great service to shoppers and would make shopping much more pleasant for everyone. -- AVERAGE SHOPPER, OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR AVERAGE SHOPPER: Unfortunately, most cashiers are usually so preoccupied with ringing up or scanning and bagging the purchases that they can't concern themselves with the occasional line-jumper. Therefore, it's up to you to assert yourself by saying firmly, "Excuse me, but I was next in line" when someone steps in front of you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is undergoing a yearlong cancer treatment. Recently, his brother told him he had two friends who have died of the same cancer that he has. My husband, who is already depressed from the medication he's on, became even more depressed.

One day, we ran into another friend of ours, who shared in great detail her nephew's long and traumatic battle with cancer. When she left we felt shattered.

Abby, please remind people to be sensitive to those who are dealing with an illness and to refrain from sharing horror stories. We need hope and encouragement. -- DISGUSTED IN PHOENIX

DEAR DISGUSTED: I'm glad to help you spread your commonsense message. All it takes is a moment to think before you speak.

DEAR ABBY: We have been having a problem with a young neighbor couple in our rural area. They drop in to visit us about five evenings a week. They're nice people and good neighbors, so we don't want to offend them, but what would be a diplomatic way to tell them we don't want company that often?

The husband gets home from work at 4:30 p.m. every day and his wife always has dinner on the table when he walks in the door. My husband is 62. He works hard 10 to 12 hours a day and returns home anywhere between 5 and 7 p.m. So it's not possible for me to have dinner ready and waiting. Our idea of a pleasant evening is eating dinner, watching an hour or two of TV, and going to bed about 9 p.m.

My husband has to drive by these neighbors' house on his way home, so they know when he gets here -- and they usually arrive shortly thereafter. I feel very uncomfortable cooking a meal and eating with non-eating company in my kitchen, so I always put dinner preparation aside and visit with them for an hour or two. It's not unusual for us to wind up having dinner at 9 p.m. Sometimes they stay so long my husband and I are too tired to even bother.

We have about had it. How can we regain our privacy but remain friends? -- MISSING DINNER IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISSING DINNER: You and your husband have been such good neighbors that you have made yourselves prisoners in your own home. The next time the couple arrives at your door at dinnertime, in a pleasant tone, say, "John just got home from work and he's tired and hungry. Please excuse us while we have dinner. We plan to retire early. And in the future, don't just drop by -- please wait until we call you."

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ted," and I have been married for four years and have a 3-year-old son. Before we were married we talked about having at least two children.

After our son was born, Ted went through what he believes was postpartum depression. He wasn't prepared for the reality of having a baby, and it was hard on him. To his credit, he got through it and has been a fantastic father to our son.

He now says he doesn't want any more children. We are financially stable, but Ted says it isn't the money. He just doesn't want to go through it again.

Abby, I can't imagine not having one more child. I know I can't force him to change his mind, but I'm afraid I will resent him for denying me something I want so badly, especially since we had agreed ahead of time.

I feel there is no compromising on this. Either way, one of us is going to be miserable. I cry all the time and don't know how to move on. Can you help? -- DREAMING OF TWO IN TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR DREAMING OF TWO: I wish I could, but not knowing the cause of your husband's anxiety and aversion to having another child, I'm at a disadvantage. You should both talk this out with a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I hope you'll do it before you become further depressed because your current mental state may adversely affect your ability to parent the child you have.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "FEELING OLD AT 45": Old age doesn't have to be lonely. It's what you choose to make it. Reflect on the late Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall's comment on aging: "I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it. I expect to die at 110 -- shot by a jealous husband!"