DEAR ABBY: "Torn in Texas" (April 13) wrote that her widowed father-in-law visits them every weekend, leaving no time for her family to have a weekend just for themselves. May I suggest that "Torn" contact the Office on Aging nearest to "Pop" and find out what programs are available for seniors. If he has the capacity to drive an hour each way to their house, perhaps he could volunteer.

It appears that Pop has a lot of life left in him, and it's a shame that he spends so much of it alone. If he could become involved in some activities during the week, they might overflow into his weekends, keep him busy and productive, and alleviate his family's guilt. If you only reduce the number of times he visits each month, he will be alone that much more and probably won't admit that he is lonely.

As is often the case, I'll bet Pop's late wife made all their social plans. I recommend that Torn or her husband go with Pop to a program the first time. It would also be helpful to talk to the director and explain the circumstances. The father-in-law may be resistant at first because it's difficult to walk into a new place cold turkey. But he will be warmly welcomed and may look forward to the next time. -- EXPERIENCED WITH SENIORS

DEAR EXPERIENCED WITH SENIORS: Your letter reflects the opinion of many other readers. Most agreed that Pop needs to get out and become more involved, and Torn should appreciate the time she and her family spends with Pop, because at 87 he won't be around forever.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I sympathize with Torn, she needs to consider that her father-in-law is 87 and has many more years behind him than ahead of him. Any time spent with him should be considered a blessing. At his age, he may not be able to prepare food for himself, so time at his son's home may be his only opportunity for a decent meal.

My advice to Torn is to stop seeing Pop as a visitor and regard him as family. Include him in your family's life and plans and build memories while you can. Remember, you will be setting an example for your own children. How you treat your father-in-law is how they will believe the elderly should be treated, and one day that will be you. -- IRENE IN ELIDA, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: Torn should be thankful her father-in-law is in good enough health to visit and be part of the family. If she needs a weekend alone, think about having him up during the week. Perhaps her teenagers have activities during the week that he would enjoy. Your family is the most important thing to Pop, and by including him you are contributing to his quality of life and well-being. That way you will live with fewer regrets. -- ACHING IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: It seems like a lot of families throw away their parents -- the people who gave them life, changed their diapers, fed, sheltered and clothed them. Daughter-in-law is using the excuse of needing a weekend to themselves to dump Grandpa into a nursing home.

If she needs time away from him, involve him in senior activities, church, a health club, and help him find some friends. Pretty soon she'll find she won't see much of Grandpa. She'll have her weekend time and also have helped him have a happy end to his life.

Remember, without Grandpa, she wouldn't have the husband she has now. She should pay him back a little of what he gave her husband -- the gift of life. -- APPRECIATING MY MOM

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Wally," and I have been friends for several years, and a couple for nearly two. He recently brought up the subject of marriage, and we agreed that we are likely altar-bound.

Only one thing gives me pause. A few months ago, Wally got plastered and had a fling with a female friend. He regretted it immediately and said it was what made him realize I am "The One." (He is getting help for his drinking now.)

The problem is, the woman is still pursuing him. She buys him gifts or brings him vegan meals. He has asked her repeatedly to stop, to no avail. Because Wally is a vegetarian and I'm not, I suspect she's trying to prove she would be a better partner for him.

I have asked Wally to cut off contact with her, but he won't. He feels bad for her because she has few friends and lives in an isolated little town. What do you suggest I do? -- UNWILLING TO SHARE

DEAR UNWILLING TO SHARE: Raise the subject of marriage with Wally again, and tell him his continued contact with the woman he cheated with is hurtful to you and a threat to your relationship. Ask how he would feel if you continued to see and accept gifts from a man you'd had a drunken fling with. If he says he wouldn't be thrilled, perhaps he'll be able to understand your reaction to what's going on. If he says he'd be fine with it, then Wally isn't the man for you.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old niece, "Amelia," is a beautiful young girl. She has only two flaws -- she lies constantly and she's boy-crazy. I have to listen to my sister talk on and on about how hard it is to trust her. My sister and brother-in-law have set many rules and limits for my niece. I think her punishments for breaking rules fit the crime -- grounding, having things taken away, etc.

Amelia knows she can't have a boyfriend until she's 16. Lately, she keeps trying to get boys' phone numbers and meet with them. She has also been caught sexting three times and lying about it. As her punishment this time, my sister and her husband shaved Amelia's head. I am shocked and devastated for my niece. I think it was extremely inappropriate.

When I try to talk to my sister about my concerns, she tells me she had no choice because her daughter had so many warnings. I don't know what to do. I think my niece will need counseling. My sister says I am overreacting. Am I? Or did she? -- WORRIED AUNT IN UTAH

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Amelia's parents went off the deep end. What was done to her was awful, and you are not overreacting. Instead of shaving her daughter's head, your sister should have tried to understand why she is lying and desperately seeking attention from boys.

If I ever heard of a family in need of family therapy, it is your sister's. Love, attention and less draconian punishments are what Amelia needs, not months of public shaming.

DEAR ABBY: My husband committed suicide 20 years ago. He left a note, but I never shared it with our children, as they were very young at the time. They are all happy, successful adults. Should I share the note with them? I still have it. -- ANONYMOUS DOWN SOUTH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your children are probably curious about why their father chose to end his life. Let them know the note exists, share it with them if they would like to see it and answer any questions they may have. They have a right to know.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is 55, has been diagnosed with Pick's disease, or frontotemporal dementia. His prognosis is from two to seven years -- only God knows. We are handling this with better-than-average concern. It is his diabetes that everyone keeps going on about. He's on medication and his diabetes is under control.

My problem is, I let my husband eat whatever he wants within reason. If we're out to dinner and he wants ice cream, or asks me to buy him his favorite lemon cookies, I don't argue. When people tell me I shouldn't do that, my husband replies that he is already dying, so why shouldn't he enjoy his life now?

He still enjoys baseball and taking our granddaughter to the zoo. He is still mobile and, in fact, has recently lost 45 pounds. People don't understand his attitude, but he is right. He is dying, and I am letting him enjoy his final years. Am I wrong for doing this? I want him to enjoy what he can now, as there will come a time when he can't. -- LOVES HIM IN NEBRASKA

DEAR LOVES HIM: Please accept my sympathy for your husband's diagnosis. As someone who also believes in quality of life rather than quantity, I see nothing wrong in allowing him those pleasures he enjoys. For your husband, the countdown to zero has begun. You are both being rational and realistic. Clarify that fact for the naysayers or ignore them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who suffers from syncope. I become lightheaded whenever I must have blood drawn or a needle prick -- it doesn't matter which. My physician and her nurse always accommodate me by allowing me to lie down during these procedures, and consequently I have never fainted.

However, if I go elsewhere for a procedure, as I recently did to a free medical screening, after telling the medical personnel about the syncope, the reactions I typically receive range from a look like I have two heads to comments like: "Oh, this will be real quick; you won't feel a thing," "Don't watch" or "Think of something else."

Well, I did experience an episode of syncope during that last screening, and it was very embarrassing. Why won't medical personnel listen to what a patient tells them? Who knows my body better than I do? -- SYNCO-PEEVED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SYNCO-PEEVED: Believe me, I empathize. However, free screenings can be as jam-packed as a casting call for "American Idol." Overwhelmed medical personnel may not be able to accommodate someone who has special needs. That's why it's important when you hear comments such as those you mentioned that you insist on being helped by someone who understands what the implications of syncope are. You may have to wait a bit longer, but it may prevent a blackout.

DEAR ABBY: Should a mother call her son if he is a father to wish him a Happy Father's Day? -- ANDRIETTA IN NEW YORK

DEAR ANDRIETTA: That would be a nice gesture. He qualifies.