DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl and have just gotten out of a seven-month relationship. I was a virgin until this relationship. I told my boyfriend, "Gavin," that I was a virgin and wanted to wait until I trusted him and felt that I loved him.

Well, the time came that I felt I did love and trust him, so I went ahead and had sex with him. After one month, Gavin decided he was sick of me! It seems like as soon as we started having sex, things started going downhill. I feel so hurt and used, I'm now starting to view sex negatively.

I know I'm young and have years of relationships in front of me. But are all men just out there for sex? If they are, it just doesn't seem worth it. -- HURT AND CONFUSED

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: You have my sympathy. It appears that Gavin was more interested in the challenge you presented than in a lasting relationship. Not all men are that way, but most in your age group are because they are not yet emotionally or financially ready for a marriage commitment. Remember that, and you may avoid future heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I am 23, happily married and have two children. My question involves my 4 l/2-year-old, "Shelly," who is the result of a previous relationship. Her biological father left me after he found out I was pregnant. When I was almost ready to deliver, he called and asked me to come back to him, which I did, only to get dumped again one week before Shelly's birth.

Since then, I have married a wonderful man I met days before Shelly was born. He has adopted her, and he is the only daddy she has ever known.

My question is: When would be the best age for me to tell her about this? -- CLUELESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CLUELESS: Your daughter should be told as soon as she's old enough to understand the difference between "biological" father and "adoptive" father. And when you do, tell her that her daddy fell in love with you both at the same time.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for one week. We have been together for three years. The problem is his last girlfriend. She was married three years ago, but will not leave him alone.

It never fails that when we are out, and she and her husband are at the same place, she confronts my husband about how sorry she is for the past and wants him to take her back. He tells her it is over. Her husband knows that she does not love him but loves my husband.

I am so tired of this, Abby. What do I need to do the next time this happens? Do I call her and tell her to leave him alone? -- STEAMING IN GARDEN CITY, KAN.

DEAR STEAMING: Do not call her. The next time it happens, your husband should tell her he is not interested, that he is happily married now, and that she is making herself and her husband look ridiculous.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if there are any "rules" about a divorced woman wearing her wedding rings on her right hand. I am divorced, but my wedding rings are beautiful and I'd like to wear them on my right hand. Clear this up for me, please. -- MAKING SURE IN IDAHO

DEAR MAKING SURE: No rule of etiquette forbids you from wearing your wedding rings on your right hand if you wish -- many divorcees (and widows) do. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: I'm divorced with a young son. My ex-husband and I share joint custody, and for the most part it has worked well. My problem is that my ex is very bitter about our divorce and the fact I have moved on with my life. He constantly makes derogatory comments to me in front of our son and others.

It is bad enough that my son must witness this, but my ex has taken it a step further. He is the editor of a small newspaper and is now making disparaging comments about me in his column. He is trying to improve his image at my expense; however, I am unable to respond because he won't print a rebuttal in his paper.

The abuse continues despite the divorce, but now the audience is wider. Is this ethical journalism, and how can I put a stop to it? -- FRUSTRATED EX

DEAR FRUSTRATED EX: Using a newspaper column to continue a personal vendetta over a failed marriage is not ethical journalism, although it may make for titillating reading. You do not have to tolerate his public sniping. Take the offensive clippings to your lawyer and ask him or her to write a strong letter to the publisher of the newspaper -- because that's who will be liable if there are grounds for a lawsuit.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I attended a wedding in September of last year. We purchased expensive crystal for the bride and groom, which cost us nearly $600. This was separate from the bridal shower gift we gave them in May. We have not received thank-you notes for either of these gifts.

My husband told me that you have said it's appropriate to send thank-you notes up to one year after the wedding. My mother taught me to send them as quickly as possible.

My sister had her wedding thank-you notes out in three weeks, and I had mine out in two weeks. My sister and I both worked and were setting up new households with our husbands, but we felt it was a priority. We wanted to ensure that our family and friends knew how much their thoughtfulness was appreciated.

Can you please clarify thank-you note etiquette? I am tired of wondering if my gifts were received and appreciated. -- DISGUSTED IN DELAWARE

DEAR DISGUSTED: I have said in the past that a thank-you note anytime is better than none at all. However, good manners dictate that thank-you notes should follow within three months at the latest, and preferably within one month -- regardless of whether the giver has been thanked verbally.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the medical field and have recently learned about a campaign that was launched in England. It urges people to store the word "ICE" (In Case of Emergency) in their cellphone address book, along with the phone number of the person you would want contacted.

It's such a simple idea, but it could be extremely helpful in an emergency situation. It would save ambulance crews and hospital staff precious time and ensure that a patient's loved ones are contacted as quickly as possible.

If you agree the idea is worthwhile, please mention it in your column and help to get this initiated in the United States. -- TANYA F., MIAMI

DEAR TANYA: The idea is certainly worth considering; however, I would offer a minor adjustment. I would recommend that it be indexed under "Emergency Contact" rather than an obscure heading such as "ICE."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman in a long-distance relationship with an amazing man for more than a year. We visit each other every few months and chat online every night. We're in love and feel we are ready to move on to the next step -- living together.

We live in different countries. He is much more established in his country and very close to his family. I am in a temporary job, and while I care for my family very much, there really isn't anything to tie me here. It makes more sense for me to move there. (It's a five-hour plane ride from here.)

My family, especially my parents, are making me feel extremely guilty about even considering this move. They say I am "abandoning" them, and ask how could I live with myself if something ever happened?

Abby, my parents are in their early 50s and in excellent health. My two sisters live near them. I fail to see why I am getting so much grief, when I just want to move on to the next stage of my life. Any advice? -- PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

DEAR PULLED IN TWO: Your parents are anxious because even at 30, you are still their child, and they are experiencing separation anxiety. However, at your age, you should be mature enough to decide your future.

I do have a word of advice I hope you'll consider: Before you commit to leaving the United States to join your boyfriend, please do some research on the rights of women in his country. Here in the U.S. we enjoy many privileges that are not shared by women outside our borders. They concern marriage, divorce, division of property and child custody. It is important that if you choose to marry him, you do it with your eyes wide open. That way there will be no surprises.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son, "Jake," is in prison for the fourth time for an indiscretion in his early 20s. He hasn't repeated the offense, but he doesn't comply with the rules of his probation and ends up back in prison. I fully supported my son when the incident happened because I felt he got a bad break, but I feel he should take responsibility for his actions.

Jake's repeated offenses for noncompliance are part of a rebellious and stubborn attitude and an unwillingness to accept the lifelong consequences of his initial offense. To compound the issue, he has three daughters. He keeps popping in and out of their lives, which is very disruptive. If it weren't for them, I'd probably write him off (I have done that emotionally anyway), but I keep trying to maintain some kind of connection between them in case he comes around someday.

Is this foolish thinking on my part? By the way, my son never married the girls' mother and has never paid child support, but she has still been willing to let him be part of their lives. -- WRITING HIM OFF IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WRITING HIM OFF: If you're asking me for permission to take yourself out of the equation, you have it. It is not your job to maintain Jake's relationship with his daughters -- that's his responsibility. If the mother of the girls is willing to tolerate his irresponsibility, that is her choice. But if you have had enough, then it's time to take a step backward.