DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman in a long-distance relationship with an amazing man for more than a year. We visit each other every few months and chat online every night. We're in love and feel we are ready to move on to the next step -- living together.

We live in different countries. He is much more established in his country and very close to his family. I am in a temporary job, and while I care for my family very much, there really isn't anything to tie me here. It makes more sense for me to move there. (It's a five-hour plane ride from here.)

My family, especially my parents, are making me feel extremely guilty about even considering this move. They say I am "abandoning" them, and ask how could I live with myself if something ever happened?

Abby, my parents are in their early 50s and in excellent health. My two sisters live near them. I fail to see why I am getting so much grief, when I just want to move on to the next stage of my life. Any advice? -- PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

DEAR PULLED IN TWO: Your parents are anxious because even at 30, you are still their child, and they are experiencing separation anxiety. However, at your age, you should be mature enough to decide your future.

I do have a word of advice I hope you'll consider: Before you commit to leaving the United States to join your boyfriend, please do some research on the rights of women in his country. Here in the U.S. we enjoy many privileges that are not shared by women outside our borders. They concern marriage, divorce, division of property and child custody. It is important that if you choose to marry him, you do it with your eyes wide open. That way there will be no surprises.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son, "Jake," is in prison for the fourth time for an indiscretion in his early 20s. He hasn't repeated the offense, but he doesn't comply with the rules of his probation and ends up back in prison. I fully supported my son when the incident happened because I felt he got a bad break, but I feel he should take responsibility for his actions.

Jake's repeated offenses for noncompliance are part of a rebellious and stubborn attitude and an unwillingness to accept the lifelong consequences of his initial offense. To compound the issue, he has three daughters. He keeps popping in and out of their lives, which is very disruptive. If it weren't for them, I'd probably write him off (I have done that emotionally anyway), but I keep trying to maintain some kind of connection between them in case he comes around someday.

Is this foolish thinking on my part? By the way, my son never married the girls' mother and has never paid child support, but she has still been willing to let him be part of their lives. -- WRITING HIM OFF IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WRITING HIM OFF: If you're asking me for permission to take yourself out of the equation, you have it. It is not your job to maintain Jake's relationship with his daughters -- that's his responsibility. If the mother of the girls is willing to tolerate his irresponsibility, that is her choice. But if you have had enough, then it's time to take a step backward.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Angie," and I have been happily married for 11 years and have two wonderful kids. Angie has been working out the past couple of years and has achieved impressive results. She looks great. I fully support her in this and she knows it.

The problem is she's consumed by an insatiable hunger to be thin, although she is already very much in shape. She talks nonstop about new diets and ideas for losing weight, even though I constantly compliment her. Why does she keep insisting that she needs to diet? -- ALARMED HUSBAND

DEAR ALARMED: Your wife doesn't see herself the way you do. She does not accept that she has achieved her goal and regards herself as still a work in progress. This may be because she has low self-esteem, or she may have a condition called "body dysmorphia," in which a person can't stop thinking about a perceived flaw in his or her appearance.

The person she should be talking to about her weight issues is her physician. I recommend you suggest it to her to be sure her preoccupation isn't an unhealthy one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school senior. My boyfriend has asked me to marry him and I said yes. I don't know if I may have said it too quickly or if I should have waited. My family keeps asking me if I'm "sure." Well, I want to be with him, but I don't know about marriage.

Please help me. I don't want to make a big mistake. -- CONFUSED TEEN IN SELMA, ALA.

DEAR CONFUSED: If you are unsure if you want to be married, you agreed too quickly. What you need to do is take a little time to decide what you want to do with your future.

Before marrying, it would be wise to consider completing your education so you will be better able to contribute financially to your marriage partnership. If you do, you will need to focus on your studies for the next few years. If not, you should still postpone marriage until you have lived apart from your family long enough to establish emotional and financial independence.

Your family keeps asking if you're "sure" because they are concerned that you have made too hasty a decision. The dreams you have at 18 may change by the time you are 23. Until you are 100 percent sure you are doing the right thing, do not set a wedding date.

DEAR ABBY: My estranged niece's high school graduation is coming up, and her father (my brother) has invited me to attend. He says she wants all her aunts (including me) to be there.

I'm not sure I should go because she kicked us out of her life years ago when she went to live with her mom after her parents separated. She said many hurtful things to her mom about us at the time and said she wanted us out of her life. Please advise me. -- TAKEN ABACK IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: It strikes me as strange that the woman your brother was divorcing would repeat the uncomplimentary things her daughter (may have) said about family members -- unless it was an attempt at parental alienation.

I hope you won't let something your niece might have said years ago, while under the emotional strain of her parents' separation, keep you from attending the graduation. She has most likely matured since then and would like to mend fences. Remember that when you see this girl, and treat her warmly and see what happens.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was in third grade, and my sister and I lived with my mother. When I was 16, Mom met a man online, quit her job and moved across the country to be with him. My sister and I begged her to let us finish school first, but she was adamant about moving. She gave us a choice -- move with her to another state or move in with our father. We chose the latter.

Since then, my mother has not been a part of my life. She calls occasionally, but never on my birthday or special holidays. I invited her to my wedding, but she didn't attend. When I think of my mother, I associate her with feelings of abandonment and unhappiness.

Mom called me last week, and frankly it was upsetting. I have heard from others how unhappy she is with her life and the choices she made, although she hasn't said it to me directly. I find it painful to hear her say she loves me, because there's a difference between saying it and living it. I have forgiven her, but it doesn't mean I want to sign up for more of that treatment.

Is there a moral obligation to allow her back into my life? I believe you can't help what happens in your childhood, but you can decide how you let it affect you. Or is it OK to stay on the path I have chosen and keep my distance from her? -- MORALLY PERPLEXED IN TEXAS

DEAR PERPLEXED: If a closer relationship with your mother would be dangerous for you emotionally, then you shouldn't risk it. It is not your fault that the life she chose didn't turn out to be a happy one for her. After years of being treated with indifference by her, if you choose to keep your distance, I support your decision.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps I'm a little old-fashioned, but do you think it's acceptable when having a large wedding and reception to hurry your guests away so a smaller group of intimate family and friends can attend a more exclusive reception? Is this now common among new couples?

I'd gladly attend a single open house or reception in the new couple's honor after their honeymoon, when they wouldn't be so rushed. Your thoughts, please. -- SOMEWHAT OFFENDED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SOMEWHAT OFFENDED: No, it is not a trend. To shoo away one's guests so that a private party can be held afterward is rude. It shows lack of consideration for the feelings of one's guests, and it is very poor manners.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with three children. Several years ago we bought a puppy. When we got her, we were told if she ever gets lost, she could be located through the chip that had been placed in her. (The breeder said it was just a "shot.") You can also buy a car these days with a global positioning device installed so the car can be located if it is stolen.

The cost for the police to find a missing child has got to be astronomical. Wouldn't it be much cheaper to come up with global positioning chips for our children?

They do it for dogs and cats. When will we make our children safer than we do our pets and our cars? -- JUST THINKING IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUST THINKING: You have come up with an interesting concept, and not just one for small children. It could work for members of the military and workers who go abroad to dangerous locations, and also for people suffering from Alzheimer's disease who might wander.