DEAR ABBY: I do online dating. For safety, I use an alias. I look much younger than my 43 years, so I went out with a 29-year-old who thinks I'm 33. I have horrible luck with relationships and didn't think this one would be any different. Boy, was I wrong! We have been dating three weeks now.

How do I tell him I'm 43, have two kids he doesn't know about and a different name? Or should I just break it off now? -- INCOGNITO IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR INCOGNITO: Do not "just break it off" with no explanation. Tell the man what you told me -- that you have had such poor experiences with online dating that you used an alias, that you "fudged" about your age and that you have children. If it's a turn-off for him, you need to know it before you become more emotionally involved.

P.S. Because many people on dating sites don't tell the whole truth, it's possible he not only won't be shocked but will have a few things to fess up about, too.

DEAR ABBY: My 37-year-old son, "Dave," has two children, a daughter who is 18 and a son who is 10. He's a single parent.

Until she was 15, my granddaughter, "Nicole," was the perfect child. Then she started getting into trouble, stopped going to school, ran away repeatedly and caused our entire family a great deal of stress. She was arrested at 17 for credit card fraud and was caught soliciting.

Dave has decided he never wants to see Nicole again because of her actions. He has given me an ultimatum. Either I have him in my life or I have her, but not both. He doesn't even want me to talk to her on the phone. He says that Nicole "killed a part of him" by doing everything she did, and me talking to her would be like talking to my son's murderer.

Please tell me what you think. I understand how hurt my son is and don't want to hurt him further, but I don't think he should tell me what I can do. -- FLORIDA GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: I agree with you. Your son may have written Nicole off, but he does not have the right to dictate that you must do the same. You may see and speak to whomever you wish, and that includes the granddaughter you obviously love. However, by maintaining contact with her, there may be a steep price to pay, not only because it may estrange you from your son, but also because your granddaughter is a deeply troubled girl.

DEAR ABBY: If you're walking down a hallway with a full plate of hot food and someone who is texting comes around the corner and bumps into you, sending your food to the floor, who should clean up the mess? And should the texter be obliged to reimburse the victim whose lunch was lost? -- SPILL SURVIVOR IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SPILL SURVIVOR: Since you are asking me, I suspect that the person who bumped into you took no responsibility for what happened.

People who perambulate are supposed to watch where they are going. That the texter didn't offer to reimburse you for the meal or at least help clean up the mess shows a distinct lack of class. While the texter should have felt obligated to help, there is no way to "compel" someone to do the right thing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired New York City police officer and a resource officer at two high schools in Brooklyn. I must comment on the letter you printed from "Worried About My Boy in Tulsa" (March 29), whose 7-year-old is bullied. If a child hits another child so hard that medical attention is required, it is an assault. The police should have been notified and appropriate law enforcement action taken.

The school then has cause to remove the violent child and have him/her placed in an education program better suited for violent children. The statute of limitations is not out, so the police can still be contacted as soon as possible by this parent. -- JIM C.

DEAR JIM: Many readers pointed out that this incident went beyond bullying into assault, and offered advice to "Worried" on this troubling but prevalent issue. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: If "Worried's" son is injured at school again, she needs to take him to an emergency room and have the injuries documented. While there, she should call 911 and report the assault to the police. She should start the report with this sentence: "I'd like to report an assault on my child." If she says he is being "bullied," they may not take her as seriously. -- CONCERNED GRAN IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: I am an attorney practicing law in California and have been involved in several bullying cases. The first step should be to ensure the child's safety. If the perpetrators are not being removed from the environment, the child needs to be. The cost of private schooling or the inconvenience of a school transfer would be part of a lawsuit for damages.

Second, the police should be notified. Third, they should get a lawyer who knows how to put the school on notice.

A lawsuit in this case is warranted if the school has known about the bullying but has done nothing about it. -- MIKE IN NEWPORT BEACH

DEAR ABBY: My son was bullied in elementary school. I spoke at length to his teachers and found out that he was exhibiting behaviors that triggered the bullying. He simply did not know how to interact with his peers. It wasn't my son's "fault"; he needed help with social skills.

It took several tries to find a counselor who connected -- a wonderful man who taught him how to be a friend. The bullying stopped. Now my son is graduating from high school with many good friends.

Kids can be cruel. They "smell" weakness and pick on those who are different. Sometimes the best we can do is help our children learn how to draw others to them, rather than be singled out as a victim or undesirable member of the team. -- BEEN THERE IN CHARLESTON, W.Va.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Worried in Tulsa" to call all of her local TV stations and ask for an interview. That will probably get some action. -- LOU ANN W.

DEAR ABBY: My son was bullied during his entire year of kindergarten. That summer we enrolled him in a tae kwon do program. After a few months he was a different person! The confidence and direction he learned were vital. He gained the inner strength to be sure of himself in the face of bullies.

Tae kwon do teaches perseverance, self-control, modesty and indomitable spirit -- qualities from which we can all benefit. I urge "Worried" to look around in her community for a tae kwon do program with an instructor who specializes in teaching this art to children. -- MONTANA MOM

DEAR ABBY: How important are a dying person's last wishes? My dad died recently and said that he wanted to be buried with his first wife in a state far from where we live. If his estate -- or his current wife -- can't afford to comply with his request, would it be horrible to do something else?

In today's economy most seniors don't have any extra income. To follow Dad's final wishes would take a sizable chunk of his estate. His wife feels it's not important to follow his last wishes because of the cost, but it really bothers me.

Dad was in the Navy during WWII. If his wife isn't willing to spend the money, would I still be a good guy by scattering his ashes in the ocean? I know he'd rather be in the deep than sitting on a shelf in the work shed. Please help. -- DISTURBED SON IN NEVADA

DEAR DISTURBED SON: Your letter illustrates why it is important for people to have their wishes in writing. In this case, your father's wife would have the right to his ashes, unless it was stated otherwise in black and white.

As far as granting a personal last wish, you need to use your best judgment, particularly if doing so would cause financial hardship. In this case, cremation would be a creative way to make everyone happy. Your father's ashes could be divided into thirds, with one portion placed with his first wife, another with his second wife, and the rest scattered at sea.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse, "Jack," and I were married four years ago. Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son. I haven't spoken to or seen my son for three years. Not having my child in my life has made me become depressed, but I keep it bottled up inside.

Jack has three children -- all adults. We rarely see them. I brought two children into our marriage, ages 7 and 14. Jack says he doesn't want to be a father or grandfather. (We have three grandchildren.) I am scared to question why it is like this.

Am I a terrible mother/grandmother? Does this mean he doesn't really love me since my children are a part of me? I want to be a grandmother and enjoy my grandchildren. He knew I had kids when we were dating, but both of them lived with relatives at the time because of custody issues. -- SAD GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR SAD GRANDMA: It isn't that Jack doesn't love you. He appears to be so preoccupied with his own needs, desires and controlling you that he probably doesn't think about much else. That you are "scared" to question him speaks volumes about your relationship.

If you want to be a part of your children's and grandchildren's lives, you will have to do so without his blessing or participation. You will also have to strengthen your backbone and emancipate yourself.

DEAR ABBY: One of my neighbors regularly uses power equipment before 9 a.m. on Saturday mornings. I think people should refrain from using loud machinery before 10 a.m. on weekends. Am I being unreasonable? -- DEB IN TACOMA

DEAR DEB: Not in my book. Most municipalities have noise ordinances in place that regulate sound levels that might become an annoyance. To find out if there is one in your neighborhood, inquire at City Hall. If there isn't, consider gathering signatures on a petition so regulations can be established. You may not be the only neighbor who is bothered by the disruption.

DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I would like to add my prayer of thanks to those men and women of our armed services who sacrificed their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace.