DEAR ABBY: From time to time you print letters about acts of kindness, and I'd like to relate one I witnessed:

I was working as a cashier in a grocery store. An elderly woman came through my line with about 10 items in her basket, including some strawberries and shortcakes. Making small talk, I commented on how nice the berries looked. She agreed, and informed me that they were a little treat for herself. She said she didn't have much on her late husband's pension.

When I told her the total, her face fell and she asked me to take the strawberries and shortcakes off because she couldn't afford them. I was sad and embarrassed for her. I thought about buying them myself, but had no cash on me and wasn't sure if it might violate a store policy. She paid for the remainder of her items and went outside to rest on a bench before walking home.

I began scanning the next customer's items while trying to put out of my mind the sadness I felt at the lady's disappointment. My customer asked me why the lady hadn't taken her strawberries. I explained and continued totaling the woman's sale.

The woman then told me to include the strawberries -- not for herself, but for the lady outside. She wanted no praise or thanks and asked me to give them to the lady.

I took them to the lady on the bench and explained that the woman in line behind her had purchased them for her. She looked down at the strawberries, tucked them into her bag and began to cry, murmuring about the kindness of strangers. I went back inside and had to explain to the next 15 minutes' worth of customers in my line why I was crying.

The woman who bought the strawberries never saw how grateful the lady was, nor how touched I was, or my co-workers and other customers were -- not only by her kindness, but her humility in making her gift anonymous. She affected so many people that day, I hope those reading this letter will affect and influence many more. -- INDIANA READER

DEAR INDIANA READER: Thank you for a sweet and uplifting letter. I'm sure it will stimulate others to consider how they, too, can help those who are less fortunate than themselves.

DEAR ABBY: Because many women have stopped wearing pantyhose or stockings when they go out on a dinner date or formal function, would it be a fair turnaround for me to put on a three-piece suit and tie and not wear any socks? I'd appreciate your thoughts, please. -- SOCKLESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SOCKLESS: Women who forgo pantyhose or stockings in hot weather usually do it because they're wearing strappy sandals or open-toed summer footwear. Hosiery doesn't look right with them. I have seen men -- at least on the West Coast -- wear T-shirts under their sport coats and go barefoot in their loafers. But I have never seen a man don a three-piece suit and tie and go sockless. (And I never hope to.) I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in two months, but my question isn't about weddings. My question is, how can a woman ensure a lasting marriage? -- ABOUT TO BECOME A MRS.

DEAR ABOUT TO BECOME A MRS.: At a women's networking event years ago, my mother was asked that question. She replied, "One good rule is never go to bed angry." (I agree.)

Phyllis Diller was there and topped her. "Right!" she said. "Stay up and fight until you're exhausted. You'll sleep better!"

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I are women in our late 40s and early 50s. Some of us are married, some are single. Individually or as a group we have taken classes, volunteered, gone on cruises, gone to clubs and bars -- you name it.

We have noticed that nearly everyone at these activities is either female or with a female as part of a couple. There are loads of single middle-aged women out there joining things and having fun, but there seem to be almost no single middle-aged men. Friends in various parts of the country report the same thing.

Where do the single men go? They rarely go out alone or with a male buddy. Our running joke is they're all home watching bad cable TV. Middle-aged guys must be there somewhere, but where? You'd think that if they wanted to meet women, they'd go where women are, but we rarely see them. Can you solve this mystery for us? -- WHERE THE BOYS AREN'T, NORTHERN WYOMING

DEAR WHERE THE BOYS AREN'T: Part of your problem may be that most of the males in your age group are already married. I don't recommend looking for eligible men in clubs and bars because the ones who go there are usually looking for younger women.

I do suggest volunteering because it offers an opportunity to expand one's circle of acquaintances, and even if you don't meet a man there, you might meet a woman who knows someone who is eligible. I caution women who are looking for companionship not to "hunt in packs" because some men find the idea of approaching a group of women to be daunting.

The pool you're fishing in appears to be small. Have you considered looking online for men in other communities in your state? You will increase your odds of success by putting yourselves "out there" because most relationships begin as the result of luck and timing.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man for two years. We're talking about marriage, but there is a problem. He has his ex's name tattooed on his backside and it's starting to bother me. I offered to pay to have it removed, but he doesn't want it off. Do I stay with him and try to get over it, or break up with him and find someone else? Help me! -- REALLY CONFUSED GIRL IN COLORADO

DEAR REALLY CONFUSED: Removing a tattoo can be expensive, time-consuming and painful. If the only deal-breaker in your relationship is the tattoo, consider asking him to turn the other cheek and have your name placed opposite his ex's so you will have equal billing. A large "X" could be inked over the ex's name if it would make you feel better.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a debate between my fiance and me. He contends that when we're in a restaurant, it is impolite to say to your server, "I will have ..." and insists that the request should be, "May I have ... ?"

I was raised to believe that either statement would be acceptable. What say you? -- QUERY-CONSCIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR Q.C.: If the server asks you, "What'll you have?" it's perfectly acceptable to respond, "I'll have ..." However, "May I have ..." sounds more refined.

If this is the only complaint your fiance can come up with, he's a lucky man and should count his blessings.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please remind your many readers that the greatest gift we can give to America's fallen is the gift of remembrance? The legacy of those who have died for our freedom -- from the Revolutionary War to the present -- is something that strengthens and unites Americans. I would like every child to say, "I know why I am free, and I know who died for my freedom."

Since 1997, Major League Baseball has stopped all games in progress at 3 p.m. on Memorial Day to observe the National Moment of Remembrance. The umpire steps out from home plate, removes his mask, and halts the game so that everyone can pause. The crowd rises as one with hands over their hearts. Along with MLB, the Ironworkers, Sheet Metal Workers and firefighters unions, American Veterans Center, the National Cartoonists Society and Bugles Across America observe the Moment, too.

The Moment does not replace traditional Memorial Day events. It is not an "event" but an act of conscience. Throughout our history, and especially during the past decade, servicemen and women in foreign lands have been dying almost daily to protect freedom and liberty.

We encourage all citizens to make every day Memorial Day in their hearts, but especially on Memorial Day itself. May the love of country always bond Americans together. For all of the fallen, let us continue to make this nation one great American family in spirit. To learn more, please go to www.ngl.org. -- CARMELLA LaSPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE

DEAR CARMELLA: I'm printing your reminder in advance of Memorial Day so that readers can plan ahead for it. I know many of them will be interested in observing it.

Readers, wherever you are at 3 p.m. local time on Monday, May 28, won't you join me in pausing for the National Moment of Remembrance and honoring those brave individuals who died for us? And when you do, make a commitment to give back to our country in their memory by putting your remembrance into action.

DEAR ABBY: My parents were married 25 years. When Dad died last year, Mom was devastated. Then she got in touch with an old flame. She told us they were just friends. A few months later, she informed us she was moving across the country with him for a "mutually beneficial situation." He gives her a place to stay, and she takes care of his house and the bills. She called recently to tell me that she has loved him since she was young and they are now getting married.

I'm worried because she has jumped into this so quickly. When they marry, Dad will have been gone not quite a year. I feel she is showing lack of respect for my father's memory and their marriage by doing this so soon. Should I be worried about her, or just happy she has found "love" again? -- DREADING THE WEDDING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DREADING THE WEDDING: While the man your mother is marrying is a stranger to you, he is obviously no stranger to her. They have a history that pre-dates your father. Going on with her life is not disrespectful to your father's memory. Be happy for your mother and cross your fingers that everything works out for her the way she wishes. Worrying about her will help neither of you.