DEAR ABBY: My father absolutely refuses to turn off the ignition when fueling his car, despite the warning signs at the pump. How can I convince him to stop endangering himself and my mother? -- WORRIED DOWN SOUTH

DEAR WORRIED: Motorists are instructed to "Stop Motor" while refueling for good reason. Gasoline is highly flammable. However, it is not actually the liquid that burns. Even at temperatures as low as 45 degrees, gasoline gives off vapor.

It is the vapors that ignite. Gasoline vapor is heavier than air, so when it ignites, it does so at ground level. All it takes to create a violent explosion is fuel vapors, enough oxygen and a source of ignition. A spark from a cigarette, a hot exhaust pipe, faulty wiring, static electricity or the vapor reaching an open flame -- all can cause gasoline vapors to explode.

Please show this item to your father. Perhaps it will convince him to be more safety conscious. If there is an attendant at the gas station your father frequents, frankly, I am shocked that the person hasn't insisted your father turn off the engine.

DEAR ABBY: My husband loves to cook and he's very good at it. Every night when I get home from work, he greets me with a huge meal. Problem is, I feel obligated to eat it even when I'm not the least bit hungry. Every morning, he asks me what I want for dinner. I prefer my main meal at noon and a very light meal -- or none at all -- at the end of the day.

How can I get him to stop cooking for me without hurting his feelings? I know he does it because he loves me, but I feel I am being forced to eat food I really don't want. -- STUFFED IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR STUFFED: I presume you're a new bride, because otherwise you would have already learned how to communicate openly with your husband while still being tactful. Try this:

"Honey, you're killing me with kindness. If I keep eating like this, I'll have to invest in an entire new wardrobe. My metabolism works better if I have my main meal at noon and very little -- if anything -- in the evening, so please help me by not making these large dinners because they're too tempting to resist."

P.S. If cooking is his creative outlet, why not suggest he go all out once a week and invite another couple?

DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently became engaged to a wonderful young man. I have looked forward to planning her wedding for years. She always said she wanted to be married in our hometown, but now she says they want to get married near where he lives, which is four hours from where I live.

I feel she has been persuaded to do this. I'm paying for the wedding and work full-time, and I'm really stressing about planning the dream wedding she wants from far away. Weddings are usually in the bride's hometown for obvious reasons, but I'm concerned her mind was changed by his family for their convenience. What do I do? -- JUST THE BRIDE'S MOM

DEAR JUST: Have a frank talk with your daughter and ask why she changed her mind. Tell her that you have dreamed of planning her wedding for years, but the change of venue is causing stress for you.

Then ask if she would prefer you just give her a check for the amount you can afford, and whether it would be more practical for her to do the planning herself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and have a dear friend, "Emily," who is offended by cussing. She literally has never said a curse word in her life. When I'm around her I never use swear words because I respect her and her friendship.

My issue is that Emily gets very upset if people swear around her. There have been nights that she ended up in tears because someone used foul language. She also angrily confronts people on this issue.

I commend my friend on her decision not to curse, but I think it's unrealistic of her to expect everyone in the world to bend to her morals. I also think it's wrong for her to try to force them. Abby, what are your thoughts? -- CHALLENGED FRIEND IN LARAMIE, WYO.

DEAR CHALLENGED: If Emily prefers not to be in the company of people who use four-letter words, that's her privilege. And if she finds it offensive, she has a right to speak up and make it known. But to "wind up in tears" because someone used foul language -- as long as it wasn't directed toward her -- is overreacting. And for her to angrily confront someone about it would only invite more of the same. Emily will be much happier if she spends more time in the company of people who feel as she does.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Gina," is engaged but hasn't started making any plans yet. We have had some rough mother/daughter years but are now in a good place. When it's time, I would like my daughter to ask me to help her pick out her wedding gown. I have a strong hunch that Gina will ask a girlfriend instead. I also know that if I talk to her about my wishes, she'll say, "Sure" or ask me to join her friends. This may seem silly, but I want her to want just me to go. What do you think is the best way to handle this? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MOTHER: Your relationship with your daughter may be better now, but its pattern was established years ago. You appear to be extremely invested in an "ideal" of how her wedding will be. For your own sake, lower your expectations. You can't make somebody want something if it doesn't come naturally. Because Gina isn't a mind reader, speak up now for that exclusive mother/daughter shopping jaunt. If she likes your fashion sense, she may agree. However, it is not unusual for a bride to include not only her mother, but also her attendants and future mother-in-law when choosing her wedding dress.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend bought his house two years ago. We were fortunate to have found such a darling little place. It was owned by only one woman since it was built in the 1950s. She is now deceased, and we have no way of contacting anyone in her family.

For the last two years my boyfriend has received greeting cards from an old friend of the former owner. What should we do about the greeting cards? I feel terrible that he doesn't know the woman who lived here is no longer with us. -- STEPHANIE IN URBANA, ILL.

DEAR STEPHANIE: I know you and your boyfriend have the best of intentions, but according to the post office, whether there is a return address on the envelope or not, you should write "deceased" on the envelope and let the Postal Service handle the matter.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced man with a live-in girlfriend I'll call Donna. Her two boys also live with us. Donna's older son will graduate from high school this year, and she has planned a party that her mother and other family members will attend from out of state.

My daughter, "Sara," is graduating from the same high school. Sara has shared her concerns with me that Donna's family won't care about celebrating her graduation. I tried to assure her that it's my day to celebrate her accomplishment with her.

I discussed this with Donna and asked if we could recognize Sara at her son's party. Donna refused because my ex is having a party for Sara, and her son would be an invited guest but not the celebrated graduate there.

I say it's a different scenario because I'm Sara's father and if I were remarried, we'd celebrate the step-sibling graduation together. Donna then told me she has some issues with the way Sara behaves at times. I feel this has given me an insight that I don't like. How should I handle this upcoming graduation and other important issues? -- MIXED FEELINGS IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIXED FEELINGS: Handle the graduation and other important issues by keeping them separate. While it would be generous for Sara to be acknowledged at Donna's son's party, it isn't mandatory -- and I'm sure the reverse isn't planned for the party your ex is hosting for Sara.

What the circumstances "would be" if you and Donna were married instead of living together is irrelevant because you are not married and the graduates are not step-siblings. However, this does point up that Donna has not warmed to Sara as much as she might have and you might wish she had. And, because it could be a deal-breaker, this is an issue that should be examined carefully in the very near future.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl. I love my mother, but she puts very little effort into how she looks. She has been divorced since I was a baby and hasn't dated much. When it comes to how we dress, we are complete opposites. I like to put on real clothes, even if I'm accompanying my mom to the grocery store. She goes out wearing sweats and no bra.

Sometimes I try to help her by picking out her outfits for the week, but she gets mad when I say anything about her no-bra rule. She says I'm trying to pressure her to be someone she's not. Maybe I am, but I want her to meet people and go on dates. It feels like she has no pride in what she looks like. I care about her, but I can't help but see that she could improve. -- DOTING DAUGHTER IN MARYLAND

DEAR DOTING DAUGHTER: We could all "improve," but if your mother is comfortable with herself as she is, you should try to accept her that way. Many women find bras uncomfortable, and if they don't have to wear them they don't -- especially when wearing loose sweatshirts.

Your mother appears to be happy with her circumstances. When she's ready to try to attract male attention, she will. You are sweet to want to help her, but trying to manipulate her isn't working, so for both your sakes, cut it out.