DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced man with a live-in girlfriend I'll call Donna. Her two boys also live with us. Donna's older son will graduate from high school this year, and she has planned a party that her mother and other family members will attend from out of state.

My daughter, "Sara," is graduating from the same high school. Sara has shared her concerns with me that Donna's family won't care about celebrating her graduation. I tried to assure her that it's my day to celebrate her accomplishment with her.

I discussed this with Donna and asked if we could recognize Sara at her son's party. Donna refused because my ex is having a party for Sara, and her son would be an invited guest but not the celebrated graduate there.

I say it's a different scenario because I'm Sara's father and if I were remarried, we'd celebrate the step-sibling graduation together. Donna then told me she has some issues with the way Sara behaves at times. I feel this has given me an insight that I don't like. How should I handle this upcoming graduation and other important issues? -- MIXED FEELINGS IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIXED FEELINGS: Handle the graduation and other important issues by keeping them separate. While it would be generous for Sara to be acknowledged at Donna's son's party, it isn't mandatory -- and I'm sure the reverse isn't planned for the party your ex is hosting for Sara.

What the circumstances "would be" if you and Donna were married instead of living together is irrelevant because you are not married and the graduates are not step-siblings. However, this does point up that Donna has not warmed to Sara as much as she might have and you might wish she had. And, because it could be a deal-breaker, this is an issue that should be examined carefully in the very near future.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl. I love my mother, but she puts very little effort into how she looks. She has been divorced since I was a baby and hasn't dated much. When it comes to how we dress, we are complete opposites. I like to put on real clothes, even if I'm accompanying my mom to the grocery store. She goes out wearing sweats and no bra.

Sometimes I try to help her by picking out her outfits for the week, but she gets mad when I say anything about her no-bra rule. She says I'm trying to pressure her to be someone she's not. Maybe I am, but I want her to meet people and go on dates. It feels like she has no pride in what she looks like. I care about her, but I can't help but see that she could improve. -- DOTING DAUGHTER IN MARYLAND

DEAR DOTING DAUGHTER: We could all "improve," but if your mother is comfortable with herself as she is, you should try to accept her that way. Many women find bras uncomfortable, and if they don't have to wear them they don't -- especially when wearing loose sweatshirts.

Your mother appears to be happy with her circumstances. When she's ready to try to attract male attention, she will. You are sweet to want to help her, but trying to manipulate her isn't working, so for both your sakes, cut it out.

DEAR ABBY: "Searching for 'Me' in Texas" (March 4) is not alone! A wave of 78 million baby boomers will soon leave 30-plus-year careers and are looking forward to an estimated 20 more years of life.

A vast majority of them are looking for meaningful opportunities for the second half of their lives. "Searching" should seek out a non-profit organization for a cause she's passionate about and offer her skilled services. If "Searching" doesn't need an income, she can volunteer.

Finally, instead of seeking a graduate degree, she could look at her local community college and find non-credit classes that interest her and participate without the pressure of credited course work. -- STEPHANIE IN PHOENIX

DEAR STEPHANIE: Your suggestions are all good ones. Second careers are becoming more common, and there are many opportunities for seniors to enjoy their "encore careers." Read on for more options:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Searching" was dead-on. After a 30-year career in the insurance industry, I was forced into early retirement by a corporate buyout. At 59, I was stunned and unprepared. After some soul searching, I decided I wasn't done with life. I started reading, talking to friends and praying.

There were some false starts. I tried out for the Peace Corps but backed out. I got into an income tax class that was over my head. Then I got another insurance job and found myself back in the rat race.

I made ends meet by substitute teaching and began to realize that, eons ago, I had wanted to be a teacher. (I had been talked out of it.) So I started back to college for my master's degree in teaching.

Talk about scared! It had been 33 years since I had seen the inside of a classroom. But my experience was one of the most challenging, positive and enriching I have ever known. I met wonderful people along the way and was admired for my life experience, insight and work ethic. It wasn't all sweetness and light, but if I had to do it over again I'd do it in a minute. -- CATHERINE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: "Searching" might consider volunteering with SCORE -- Service Corps of Retired Executives. Her skills are needed and would be appreciated. That way she can dabble in her old work and have a sense of accomplishment. -- CHARLES IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: As a volunteer coordinator at a large non-profit, I have many volunteers who discovered us as a result of a retirement search. The AARP's volunteer engagement site is www.createthegood.org, and www.volunteermatch.org is a nationwide site for searching volunteer opportunities.

"Searching" needs to think about things she would like to do but couldn't while working, and dip her toe in the water. If she tries something and it isn't a fit, she has no obligation and can try another. It may lead to a paid "encore" career or fulfill her through volunteerism. -- JAN IN YARDLEY, PA.

DEAR ABBY: When I retired at 62, I decided to return to school for a graduate philosophy degree. My body may be weaker, but I like to think most of my mental faculties are intact. My first resume may generate humor, but I'll bring something to the classroom that may prove invaluable. That's 40 years of experience and 63 years of 20-20 hindsight.

I will call it a good day if I can communicate to any student that learning is fun and education has intrinsic value. -- CALVERT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Between juggling the joys and challenges of home life and staying productive at work, it's easy for women to make quick decisions now that could affect their health later on, or to miss early signs of medical problems altogether.

To help women take control of their health, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration's Office of Women's Health and the General Services Administration's Federal Citizen Information Center have created the free Healthy Women's Action Kit. It contains tips that can help women of every age. The topics include: buying contact lenses online, mammograms, hypertension, cholesterol, Pap tests, menopause and hormones, and more.

Abby, thank you for sharing this information kit with your readers, and for faithfully introducing all of us to ideas and information to help make our lives better. -- MARSHA HENDERSON, FDA ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH

DEAR MARSHA: I'm glad to help get the word out to my readers during National Women's Health Week that the information is available for them at no cost.

Readers, among the topics Marsha didn't mention that are also included are a guide to help you quit smoking and facts about tattoos, osteoporosis, diabetes and health scams. The more we know, the better we can protect ourselves and the people we love.

The Healthy Women's Action Kits are easy to order. All you have to do is send your name and address to Healthy Women's Action Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009; go online to www.promotions.usa.gov/dearabby.html; or call (888)8-PUEBLO (that's (888) 878-3256) weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time. You can also read the publications online in PDF format, download them to your computer and print them. Don't wait, because supplies are limited.

DEAR ABBY: The man I'm in love with, "Butch," is an alcoholic. He refuses to get help and has become verbally abusive. He got a DUI and there's a warrant out for him because he didn't follow through on his court orders. I threw him out after he lost his job.

Butch is homeless now and has taken up with a homeless woman. When he's sober he's a totally different person, and that's the man I'm in love with. I'm devastated by his actions and I want him back.

I am so co-dependent I cry daily about this. I do go to meetings and I'm trying to move on, but I have no friends and don't know where to start to get a life. Butch's behavior is out of control, and it's only a matter of time before he winds up in jail. Could you please tell me what to do? -- LOST IN LOVE IN MONTANA

DEAR LOST IN LOVE: I'm sorry you're hurting, but pleased to know you are going to meetings. At some point they will help you accept that as much as you love the person Butch was, for the sake of your health and sanity you must "let go and let God." Your next step should be to give yourself less time to brood. Fill your non-working hours by volunteering -- at a hospital, a library, a senior citizen's center. That's where you'll meet worthwhile, involved people and start building friendships with mentally healthy people. I promise you the more you put into it, the more you'll receive.

DEAR ABBY: Is there any medical reason why a man or woman needs to wear underwear? -- MICHAEL IN LADSON, S.C.

DEAR MICHAEL: There is no "medical" reason, but there is a sanitary reason, unless you are prepared to launder your trousers every time you wear them to prevent the accumulation of bodily secretions such as perspiration.