DEAR ABBY: I hope you will print this on Mother's Day. This Mother's Day greeting is for all those incredibly unselfish mothers who chose to place their child up for adoption. I am an adopted child whose life has been a wonderful journey.

If I could send a message to my birth mother, it would be one of eternal gratitude for allowing someone else to give me the life she was unable to provide. My adoptive parents love me and instilled a value system and belief in God that have carried me through every challenge life has sent my way. I never felt abandoned, but knew that I was chosen by people who were unable to have children.

There is no love like a mother's love. That is why I want to tell all those mothers out there who gave their children to another parent to love and nurture that their sacrifice and heartache became a miracle for so many of us. God bless all of you on this Mother's Day. -- THANKFUL DAUGHTER

DEAR THANKFUL DAUGHTER: I'm pleased to print your Mother's Day greeting, and I hope it will bring comfort and reassurance to any woman out there for whom today is a reminder of a painful sacrifice.

I would also like to wish a happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere, be they birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, or stepmothers. I applaud you all.

DEAR ABBY: As graduation time approaches, I begin to shudder. Graduation ceremonies have become more like rock concerts than a time to acknowledge student achievements. Families, friends and graduates behave horribly, making it impossible to watch or listen to the proceedings. As both a parent and an educator, may I please offer some graduation etiquette advice?

1. Do not yell, blow horns or leap into the air as your special graduate crosses the stage. It's rude, immature, inappropriate and prevents those around you from hearing the names being called and seeing the next graduates. The noisemaking instruments hurt sensitive ears, so leave them at home. Your special person knows you are there and proud of him or her.

2. Honor all of the graduates. Each one deserves the same audience as the first to cross the stage. Do not disrupt by leaving after your grad has had his/her moment. Stay seated until all of them have received recognition.

3. Small children do not belong at graduations. They get bored, cry, run around, etc., and I don't blame them. Hire a sitter and let them stay home.

4. The presenters have worked hard to prepare for the ceremony. Listen to them and behave like the mature, thoughtful adults you expect the graduates to become.

5. Have the wild party after the formal ceremony.

-- FRUSTRATED IN COLUMBUS, GA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that there are certain rules of conduct that should be followed on important occasions -- and a graduation ceremony is one of them. I'm printing your very basic rules of behavior in the hope that they will serve as a reminder to those who have forgotten their manners or never learned them in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a relationship with someone I graduated from school with, so we have known each other for a number of years. We are both divorced. Because I'm an only child, my mother has always been protective and controlling. She hasn't recovered from my divorce, although it happened more than 10 years ago, and constantly finds fault with my current relationship.

She argues with me almost weekly that I should get married because it "looks bad for her" that I live with this man, and "in the sight of God this isn't right." One minute she doesn't want me in a relationship, the next she's telling me I need to be married. I respect her beliefs, but don't think we should get married just because she wants us to.

I was married long enough to realize that a piece of paper doesn't make it right, so why force the issue? I love my mother, but her nagging is making it extremely difficult not only for me but for my relationship. How do I handle this? -- STRESSED-OUT ONLY CHILD

DEAR STRESSED OUT: You may be an only child, but you are a child no longer. You are entitled to live your life the way you wish.

While there are legal protections for a wife that a live-in does not enjoy, if you prefer not to formalize your relationship, you should not be pressured into it. The next time your mother starts in, tell her firmly you will not argue the point and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of three kids, ages 10, 8 and 7. Their father and I have been divorced for two years. He moved 300 miles away and sees the kids mainly in the summer and on holidays. He has remarried, and she has children as well.

My problem is my kids feel he treats her children better than he treats them. I try hard not to badmouth him, but from what they tell me it's a one-way street. He has told our kids that he loves them more than I do, and that he wishes he didn't have to pay child support. It hurts me to see them hurt.

What can I do? We don't have a good relationship. He refuses to listen to anything I say. I don't want the kids to hate their father, but unless he changes, they will. They have already asked me if they can talk to the judge to get their visits made fewer and shorter. -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: You cannot control the behavior of another adult, much as you might wish to. Your children are intelligent and they have already gotten the picture. Unfortunately, they are still too young to be able to convince a judge to shorten their visits or spend time with their dad less often. But as they enter their early teens they will be. Help them to be patient and ride it out in the meantime, because they have no other option.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of three kids, ages 10, 8 and 7. Their father and I have been divorced for two years. He moved 300 miles away and sees the kids mainly in the summer and on holidays. He has remarried, and she has children as well.

My problem is my kids feel he treats her children better than he treats them. I try hard not to badmouth him, but from what they tell me it's a one-way street. He has told our kids that he loves them more than I do, and that he wishes he didn't have to pay child support. It hurts me to see them hurt.

What can I do? We don't have a good relationship. He refuses to listen to anything I say. I don't want the kids to hate their father, but unless he changes, they will. They have already asked me if they can talk to the judge to get their visits made fewer and shorter. -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: You cannot control the behavior of another adult, much as you might wish to. Your children are intelligent and they have already gotten the picture. Unfortunately, they are still too young to be able to convince a judge to shorten their visits or spend time with their dad less often. But as they enter their early teens they will be. Help them to be patient and ride it out in the meantime, because they have no other option.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in sixth grade, my 19-year-old brother, "Ray," came into my room and fondled me late at night. I pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to deal with the situation. I told my mom afterward. She told me not to tell my father and bought a lock for my door.

Years later, when my sister found out what happened to me, she told me Ray had also done it to her. She told Dad and confronted Mom. Neither one ever said anything to Ray. They told us it was "in the past" and to leave it alone.

Because my sister is openly confrontational about it, she isn't invited to family events that he is attending. I am invited because I just ignore him, but it's uncomfortable knowing my parents took his side over that of their two daughters. I won't let my daughter be alone with him -- or with him and my mom, because I don't trust her anymore.

Should I tell my parents I don't want to hear about my brother and no longer want to be around him? -- WRONGED IN GEORGIA

DEAR WRONGED: Yes, if it will make you feel better, by all means do. That your parents would ignore your brother's predatory behavior is appalling. By protecting him, your mother betrayed you and your sister.

You are also wise to be vigilant if he is anywhere around your daughter and to restrict contact with him to a minimum. No child is safe around your brother.

If you and your sister haven't had counseling to come to terms with what happened to you, please consider contacting the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). The website is www.rainn.org, and the toll-free number is 800-656-4673. Nothing you say to the counselors will shock them, and they will be glad to refer you to someone qualified to help you.

DEAR ABBY: I think my in-laws want my husband to divorce me because I have Asperger's syndrome and bipolar disorder. Sometimes I innocently say things that other family members take offense to. My mother-in-law then calls my husband, tells him what a "nut" I am and how upset "so-and-so" got. This results in huge fights between my husband and me, and it's hurting our marriage.

I have offered to educate my in-laws about bipolar and Asperger's, but they say I'm just making excuses for my behavior. I would like to explain to them that my thought processes aren't the same as everyone else's, so I am going to make mistakes in what I say to people.

I am hurt by their judgment and lack of tolerance. I don't do "bad" things often -- maybe once or twice a year. But instead of overlooking it, they make a big deal out of it because I'm different. They should focus on the good. I do a lot of charity work and would help anyone in need. Their lack of understanding is ruining my marriage. I'm 25 and we have been married for five years. I don't want to throw that away. What do I do? -- AM HOW I AM IN ALABAMA

DEAR "HOW YOU ARE": That your marriage has lasted through five years of your mother-in-law's attempts to undercut it tells me the bond between you and your husband must be a strong one. Does he understand how Asperger's and bipolar disorder affect the brain? If not, then the doctor who prescribes your medication should explain it to him so he can explain to his parents that what they are complaining about is not your fault. And if they don't "get it," a behavioral specialist should explain to them that they should be more patient and understanding with a member of their family.