life

Boyfriend's Cheating Heart Leaves an Electronic Trail

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 8th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend "Paul" for four years. We have a child together, and we each have a child of our own. We have lived together for three years, and our family life is great. However, when I was pregnant with our son, Paul contacted an ex on a social network. One day he left his computer open, and I saw that their conversations were less than innocent. I was upset and I said something immediately.

We have stayed together, but ever since then I'm having a hard time trusting Paul. Because he had also been calling the woman, I now check our phone records. Yesterday I found a text of his to a former boss's daughter. Paul was telling her how "hot" she is.

Abby, am I overreacting when I think Paul is going to cheat? -- ALARMED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ALARMED: You're not overreacting. Paul is cheating on you emotionally, and doesn't appear to be entirely committed to your relationship. In fact, it appears he is looking for some outside adventures. You should not only be concerned, you should also be furious about what he's doing. This won't stop until you draw the line.

life

Dear Abby for May 08, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 8th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced during my junior year of high school. I am now a sophomore in college. I have done my best to maintain a good relationship with Dad, although I chose to live with my mother during the custody battle.

Since the divorce, Dad has verbally, emotionally and financially abused me to the point that I no longer want him as part of my life.

I miss having a father figure, even though no amount of counseling could ever mend our broken relationship. We went through two years of counseling, and the only thing I learned was that Dad believes he has done nothing wrong and my feelings about him are because of Mom.

How can I get over the pain and hurt my dad has caused me? -- HEARTBROKEN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: It will probably take one-on-one counseling for you to establish enough emotional independence to toughen up. Your father's unwillingness (or inability) to take responsibility for his mistakes is an indication that, as much as you may need and want a father, he will never be the parent you would like him to be. It will take time and work on your part to get beyond this loss -- and it is a loss -- so the ideal place to begin your journey would be by talking to a psychologist at the student health center.

life

Dear Abby for May 08, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 8th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old cousin wanted to make a lemonade stand, so my sister and I helped her, but she got discouraged because nobody would buy any. She was so angry she started yelling, then she crossed the line and dropped the F-word. My sister and I were shocked that a 6-year-old would know that word. She said her classmate told it to her. (They're in kindergarten.)

We told our parents, but we're not sure if we should tell her mother because she might think my sister and I taught it to her. Should we tell her mother or let it slide hoping she will forget the word and move on? -- NOT SURE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR NOT SURE: Your parents should tell your aunt about the incident, just in case your cousin doesn't "forget" the word. That way her mother can explain to her that there are certain words polite people don't use because they are unacceptable.

life

Bride Doesn't Want Families to Take Sides at Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married soon. My mom says we should have one side of the church reserved for my fiance's friends and family, and one side for ours. I disagree. Not only does it make me feel like we would be separating people when the occasion should be about unity, but he doesn't have a whole lot of people coming. It could embarrass him if I have 100 guests on my side and he has 30 on his.

My fiance says he doesn't care, but I do! I want our guests blended in celebration of our union. Because Mom and Dad are paying half, I think Mom should have some input, but I don't feel right about her suggestion. What do you think? -- UNITING, NOT DIVIDING

DEAR UNITING: I agree with your thinking. Although in the past brides' and grooms' guests were seated on opposite sides of the sanctuary, today the wedding "rules" have loosened considerably. While the bride's and groom's families usually sit on opposite sides in areas marked for them by ribbons, if there is an imbalance in the number of guests such as you have described, an usher can correct it by seating the guests on both sides of the room without regard to who invited them.

life

Dear Abby for May 07, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Why do people act like it's a disgrace for a son to be living with his mother? They don't have that attitude when it's a daughter. A lot of folks are without jobs right now, and I'm insulted that people feel the need to comment when sons move back home.

My house is paid for and my son is good company. He is not a complainer, we have a lot of the same interests, and he is constantly on the computer trying to find a job. I feel a lot safer now that he lives with me than I did living by myself, and I will miss him once he has found a job and moves out. -- MOTHER OF A GOOD SON

DEAR MOTHER: Because many people are without jobs right now, many individuals -- and entire families -- are living under one roof. It has been this way since the Great Recession hit our economy, and a person would have to be living in a cave not to understand that it has been driven by necessity. I'm sad that people so often make comments without thinking about the effect they will have on the listener, but please don't take them personally. They are made out of ignorance.

life

Dear Abby for May 07, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I own five parrots, one of which is a Miligold Macaw. "Petie" is a young bird and starting to pick up words and sounds like crazy. Something he has started mimicking has my husband and me embarrassed and worried.

When we go into our bedroom, Petie starts making "amorous" sounds. Honestly, it sounds like someone is at the height of romantic passion in the living room where his cage is located.

Petie practices other words and sounds at various times during the day. We enjoy having people over to the house, and it's good for him to interact with them and be socialized. How should we handle the situation if he starts repeating the sounds of our bedroom activities when guests are over? Any suggestions? -- DISCREET IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DISCREET: You could tell your guests that Petie likes to watch R-rated movies on premium cable. But don't be embarrassed that your bird has the sounds of pleasure to imitate. It would be worse if he were saying, "Not tonight; I have a headache."

life

In Laws' Invitation Snubs Still Rankle After 27 Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 6th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Stu," for 27 years. His brother's family continues to send invitations addressed only to Stu. When they call to invite us to anything and I answer, they ask to speak to him. He has asked them not to do that.

When RSVPing to the latest invitation to our niece's graduation party -- addressed only to my husband -- I said that he would attend as he was the only one invited. I also asked if I had done something to offend anyone. I was told, "No, of course not," and they were "sorry if there was a misunderstanding," because the invite was for the whole family.

When we see each other, they are polite. I feel that pushing the point or not attending would reflect badly on me. What do you suggest? I am hurt by years of this treatment, and Stu is just as offended. -- HAD ENOUGH IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Either your brother-in-law and his family never learned how to properly address an invitation (i.e., "Mr. and Mrs." or "and family"), or on some emotional level you were never accepted as a full-fledged family member. As I see it, you have two choices: Continue to attend these events as you have for the past 27 years, or both of you decline and tell them exactly why.

life

Dear Abby for May 06, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 6th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old daughter, "Corey," is in a two-year relationship with "Greg," who's 19 and in the Naval Academy at Annapolis. They have exchanged promise rings and agreed to make this long-distance relationship work. She went to visit him for Thanksgiving and he came home for Christmas. He also returned for spring break. He takes advantage of every opportunity to see Corey.

We live in California and Corey is a junior in high school. Prom is almost here, and Greg has told her he doesn't want her to miss out on anything. I feel she should not go with anyone else -- that it's a sacrifice you make when you have a boyfriend. Well, she accepted an invitation from a guy "friend" and Greg said he was fine with it. I sent Greg a text message, and he repeated that sentiment.

I believe Greg was thinking she wouldn't actually go to the prom and he was just trying to be nice, hoping she'd make the better decision. I am stressed that this may ruin her relationship and she'll be devastated. What's the etiquette? Is it OK for her to go to the prom with a friend, even if she has a boyfriend? -- ONLY WANTS THE BEST FOR HER

DEAR ONLY: If your daughter cleared it with her boyfriend and he said he's fine with it, then it's all right for her to go to the prom. I'm more concerned that you took it upon yourself to text your daughter's boyfriend to "double-check." Greg appears to be a mature, confident and stable young man. If you'll stop trying to run interference for your daughter and let the relationship continue to evolve naturally, the romance might actually pan out.

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