DEAR ABBY: I am a professional ornithologist (bird expert) with a substantial record of accomplishments -- books, scientific papers, blog, website, consultant work, etc.

My hometown has held a bird festival for more than a decade and each year it features a main speaker at the dinner. My expertise and experience far outshine that of any of the speakers they have invited by a considerable margin. I am well-known in town, but have not been asked to speak.

I talked to the festival board members, and they say I haven't been deliberately excluded, but they didn't give me any reason why I have been ignored. There's no history of bad feelings, but I'm starting to develop some now. It feels like a personal and professional snub. How do I respond? -- UNAPPRECIATED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: You're not alone with this dilemma. To paraphrase a verse from the Bible (which also sounds like Rodney Dangerfield), "A prophet is without honor in his own hometown."

Because the festival board members have been made aware that you are qualified and would like to be a speaker, it's time to step back. Make other plans for when the festival is held. It's possible your absence may make their hearts grow fonder. However, if it doesn't, at least you won't be sitting at home and brooding. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I have a private argument, he shares our problems with our 11-year-old daughter when I am not around. Later, she will tell me she sides with him about our argument.

I feel my husband should not involve our daughter in our disagreements. It makes me feel betrayed. How should I deal with this issue? -- VIOLATED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR VIOLATED: You married a man who appears to be manipulative and not above using your daughter to "get to you." I agree he shouldn't discuss your disagreements with her -- not because it's a betrayal, but because it's unfair that she is being put in the middle.

Because there are problems the two of you can't resolve, they should be talked out with a licensed marriage counselor, not a child. If your husband refuses to go, you definitely should go without him.

DEAR ABBY: We love our son-in-law, "Chip," but not his family. Family get-togethers are very strained because they drink -- a lot.

Chip's brother has given beer to his 3-year-old and no one says anything. I find it appalling and a form of child abuse. Chip's brother is a know-it-all, sarcastic and rude. I am worried about my grandson spending any time with them. My daughter has also made her concerns known to Chip, but nothing changes. Should I stay out of this? -- TEETOTALING GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Much as you might wish to, neither you nor your daughter is going to change the behavior of a belligerent drunk, which Chip's brother appears to be. Because alcohol impairs his judgment to the extent that he's giving liquor to his 3-year-old and the child's mother allows it, someone should contact child protective services and ask what can be done. I recommend that you do it soon, because giving alcohol to a minor is not only against the law, but could make the child sick or create a dependency.

As to your grandson, the boy should never be around his aunt and uncle unless there is strict supervision.

DEAR ABBY: While standing in a serving line at a restaurant, a man commented to my wife about her weight. She was very upset. My take was, "Don't talk to strange men." Later, I wondered whether I should have confronted the guy, slugged him or waited for him in the parking lot.

As a young man I was prone to rash actions. I would like to think in my golden years that I have outgrown this tendency. Still, I'm not sure I handled the situation correctly. I want my wife to be confident that I would come to her defense. Please advise. -- TEXAS TOM

DEAR TEXAS TOM: Although as a young man you were prone to rash actions, as a mature one you gained the ability to control your temper. Had you confronted the boor, the situation would have escalated and you could have wound up in the pokey charged with assault. I'm advising you that you were correct to do nothing. The man is lucky your wife didn't "serve" him a fist sandwich. A lesser woman might have.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband, "Jeff," and I married, we drew up a medical proxy and health-care directives should future incapacitation arise. Jeff is now terminally ill with brain cancer and has about five months to live. Over the last two years he has been through four surgeries, 25 doses of radiation, countless doctors' appointments, physical therapy and enough pills to fill a steamer trunk. I had to quit working because Jeff is now my full-time job.

As his illness progresses, we have discussed placing him in a hospice. But the closer he gets to death, the more he changes his mind. He demands that I lift, jerk and pull him in and out of bed. When I can no longer do this, he wants me to install a hoist. He needs assistance eating, dressing, bathing, using the toilet and is in a wheelchair.

Jeff's tumor is growing, causing pressure and affecting his mental attitude. He's impatient, demanding, selfish and nasty. I'm caring for him at home because it's his home and I am his wife. Somehow, his illness makes him feel entitled to act like a selfish child. At what point do I put him in a hospice facility without his family calling me a nasty witch and Jeff kicking and screaming to be let out and return home? -- END OF MY ROPE

DEAR END: Please accept my sympathy. Your husband is sick and in pain, probably frightened and the cancer may have affected his ability to think rationally.

If you haven't discussed this with your husband's doctor, you must. It may not be necessary to place Jeff in an in-patient facility because many terminally ill patients can receive the same care in their homes. However, it will take a referral from a doctor, certifying that your husband has six months or less to live. Much of the cost is covered by Medicare, and most insurance also covers it.

Hospice provides visits from doctors, nurses, home health care aides and volunteers who can help with bathing your husband, changing his linens and some of the lifting that you're worried about. For your sake and his, you should contact the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. It can help you find a hospice provider. The toll-free phone number is 800-658-8898 or log onto www.nhpco.org.

Because you're afraid of criticism from Jeff's family, tell them that he -- and you -- need them to step in and help with his care because it has become more than you can handle alone. If they agree, it will give them precious time with him. If not, they'll be in no position to criticize you.

DEAR ABBY: On a recent airline flight, a tall man who sat behind me had his left leg out in the aisle during most of the trip. He was wearing shorts, and you could see his large tattoo of a naked woman on his thigh. The drawing was very explicit, and there was no way to avoid seeing it because passengers had to cross over his leg to reach the bathroom.

How do you explain this kind of "art" to children? Would the airline have the right to ask him to cover the tattoo if it was objectionable? -- OFFENDED TRAVELER FROM NEW YORK

DEAR OFFENDED: Because body art could be classified as freedom of expression, I'm not sure they do. However, someone's leg protruding into the aisle might be considered a safety issue because it could cause a trip and fall. It would also impede food and beverage carts traveling up and down the aisle. Because you were offended, I hope you averted your gaze if you needed to make more than one trip to the lavatory, and if there were children in tow, that you didn't call their attention to the "picture."

DEAR ABBY: I had an urgent piece of mail to get to the post office. My sister called the postmistress, who agreed to stay open for her to deliver it. In the meantime, I found two other pieces of mail that required checks, quickly wrote them out and gave the three envelopes to my sister, who rushed them to the post office.

Upon her return, she showed me her vehicle, which had a deep gash running along one side because she had backed down the driveway too quickly, not paying attention, and had scraped the car against the stone post. She thinks I should pay half the cost of repair because "I was involved."

I think it was her carelessness, and therefore, I should not have to pay. I'm not angry, just confused by her reasoning because the same thing happened to me when I ran an errand for her, but I paid on my own for my carelessness. What do you think? -- THINKS DIFFERENTLY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR THINKS DIFFERENTLY: I think you should remind your sister that when the same thing happened to you while running an errand for her, you assumed the responsibility for paying for it. For her to say that you were "involved" is stretching the truth. She's trying to guilt you into paying. Stand your ground.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year~old female junior in college. I am intelligent, attractive and friendly, and I want to remain a virgin until I'm married. This is not because of religious reasons. I have had a few relationships I thought were serious, but I ended up getting dumped for a "looser" girl each time, which really hurts.

My family and friends don't understand that waiting until marriage is part of who I am. Ironically, I was raised to think this was proper, but once I reached a certain age, everyone seemed to change their minds.

I'm not looking to get married for at least five years, which means a long wait for anyone who wants to date me. Am I going to be alone forever just because I won't jump into bed with a guy before we're married? -- PRINCIPLED IN ANN ARBOR, MICH.

DEAR PRINCIPLED: Not quite forever. I admire you for adhering to your values and so will the man who marries you.