DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are 50-year-old professionals who have paid every penny of the cost for our two daughters' four-year college educations. Our oldest, "Lana," went on to law school and has incurred well in excess of $100,000 in law school loan debt. She has struggled to find a job as an attorney, and I'm no longer sure she still wants to practice law. Lana is married to a medical student who also has significant student loan debt.

Two nights ago I made the mistake of telling Lana that her mother and I would help her pay off her student loans. I regret having opened my mouth. She and her husband spend their money on frivolous luxuries and are not responsible financially.

My wife and I live frugally. We withdrew money from our retirement accounts to help fund our daughters' college educations. We now need to increase our retirement contributions and pay for maintenance and repairs to our home that we delayed while paying for their tuition.

Although we have always helped our children financially, we can no longer afford to trade our future financial security and our present standard of living to support them. I would appreciate some advice. This may be an issue affecting a lot of parents at this time. -- SPOKE TOO SOON IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SPOKE TOO SOON: Before making any promises to your daughter, you should have reviewed your retirement plans with your financial adviser. It's still not too late to do that, and once you do you should immediately inform Lana that, upon review, you now realize that giving her more money will compromise your plans for retirement.

You should also explain that you have deferred important repairs to your home because the money was directed instead to her education. The problem with deferring maintenance is it usually costs more than if the problems had been dealt with promptly, which is why you are, regrettably, unable to bail her out of her student loans. It may be the wake-up call Lana needs that it's time to assume her own responsibilities.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and I have been travel agents for 15 years. My cousin, whom I have always been close to, asked to join our business multiple times over the past few years and we always said yes.

A few months ago I learned that she went behind our backs and started her own travel agency. When I confronted her about hiding it from us, she denied it. Then one day I went over to her new office. She said she hadn't wanted to hurt our feelings, but she already has. She says I'm being "irrational" for not supporting her, but I think she was wrong for not joining us and going off on her own. Do you think our relationship can be saved? -- FAMILY MATTERS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR FAMILY MATTERS: Your cousin should have been forthright about starting her own business instead of hiding it. It is not "irrational" to feel hurt that she didn't level with you, and that was her mistake.

However, this is a free country, and your cousin had a right to change her mind about joining your business. Your relationship can be fixed as long as you and your mother accept that she had a right to go into business for herself if she wished, and refrain from discussing business when you're together.

DEAR ABBY: "Melody" has been my best friend since we were in the fourth grade. (We're now in our 30s.) Over the past few years, Melody's life has changed. She separated from her husband, lives alone and shares custody of their three children.

She started dating almost immediately after her separation, going out with almost anyone who showed her a little attention. She's now involved with a man who told her he's bisexual and has never taken her out on a date. (Still, he never hesitates to call and ask her to clean his bathroom or cook him a meal.) She's always crying on my shoulder because she ends up with losers, yet the picture she has on her profile on all the dating sites shows her in a skimpy bikini.

One evening Melody asked me why she can't attract a "decent man." I told her that she needs to love herself before she can be loved. I also mentioned that if she wants to stop attracting sleazy men, she should consider changing her profile picture. She became angry and hasn't spoken to me since.

As a friend I felt it was my responsibility to tell her the truth. I want to help get her life back on track in a positive way. Was I wrong to be honest with her? -- HAD HER BEST INTERESTS AT HEART

DEAR HAD: Your straight answer clearly wasn't what your friend wanted to hear, but you did the right thing by being honest with her. In light of the length of your friendship, call and offer her an apology "if I hurt your feelings." Let's hope that once she cools off, she'll appreciate that you said something important. Because of the way she's advertising herself on her profile, it's little wonder the men she's attracting are looking for nothing more than two headlights and a tan. Yipes!

DEAR ABBY: When I was 25 I placed a baby girl for adoption. I made a decision I thought was best for her and for me. I am 50 now and still believe I made the right decision.

Last year she searched for and found me. I answered all her questions and eventually met with her and her parents. By all accounts she has a wonderful family and had a great childhood. We have stayed in touch through email.

She wanted to meet my family, but I put her off for months. Eventually I gave in, and she met some of my siblings and their families. She and her "cousins" get along well and stay in touch through Facebook or other social sites.

Abby, I feel nothing toward this girl. There is no maternal attachment. I did my job as a good mother and made sure she had the home I could not give her. If I never see her again it wouldn't bother me.

I have looked online for other women who feel as I do, but all I find are women in constant pain and sorrow over a child they gave up. I can't be the only woman who feels this way. I'm not looking for a way to change my feelings. I just need to know I'm not a cold-hearted freak. -- FINE WITH MY DECISION

DEAR FINE: You are not a cold-hearted freak. You're a woman who never bonded with her baby. Please stop beating yourself up for not feeling something for a person who is a virtual stranger. When I hear from other women who read this letter and who feel as you do -- please notice I didn't say "if" I hear from them -- I will share their thoughts with you. You have not been able to find a group online because they are not looking for support from others.

DEAR ABBY: A friend's husband gave me a ride to the airport, and when I went to hug him goodbye as I have always done when we parted, he grabbed me by the arms and kissed me on the lips several times. I wasn't expecting it, and I certainly hadn't invited it. I made light of it, but it made me very uncomfortable and I don't want to see him again.

My problem is I don't know how to end my friendship with his wife. I would never tell her, and I do not wish to have this standing between us, so I'd rather just end the friendship. How should I handle this? She occasionally contacts me for lunch dates. -- DISMAYED IN MANHATTAN

DEAR DISMAYED: You're lucky the wife contacts you for lunch dates only occasionally. It means she's a casual friend, which will make disengaging easier. When she calls, all you need to do is tell her you have other plans. You do not have to mention that foremost among them is avoiding any future contact with either of them because of her husband.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife and I renewed our wedding vows after 25 years of marriage, I gave her a beautiful diamond band to thank her for our years together. I lost her 20 years later and put the ring aside, not knowing what to do with it.

My son had been living with a lovely girl for a couple of years. They appeared to be a perfect match, so I gave him the ring and suggested he give it to her and propose. I looked forward to their happiness and perhaps some grandchildren.

My son presented it to her, she accepted and they were married. Sadly, after three years she divorced him and they have gone their separate ways. Should I contact her and ask for the return of the ring? Abby, it's not the money ($3,500). I wanted the ring to stay in the family, and she has opted out of our family. Please advise. -- NOT SURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOT SURE: By all means contact your former daughter-in-law and ask if she's willing to part with the ring. She may agree to give it to you or sell it to you if she still has it. However, if there has been animosity since the divorce, she may not feel inclined to be gracious -- so be prepared. Once your son gave the ring to her, it became her property to do with as she wished.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife and I renewed our wedding vows after 25 years of marriage, I gave her a beautiful diamond band to thank her for our years together. I lost her 20 years later and put the ring aside, not knowing what to do with it.

My son had been living with a lovely girl for a couple of years. They appeared to be a perfect match, so I gave him the ring and suggested he give it to her and propose. I looked forward to their happiness and perhaps some grandchildren.

My son presented it to her, she accepted and they were married. Sadly, after three years she divorced him and they have gone their separate ways. Should I contact her and ask for the return of the ring? Abby, it's not the money ($3,500). I wanted the ring to stay in the family, and she has opted out of our family. Please advise. -- NOT SURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOT SURE: By all means contact your former daughter-in-law and ask if she's willing to part with the ring. She may agree to give it to you or sell it to you if she still has it. However, if there has been animosity since the divorce, she may not feel inclined to be gracious -- so be prepared. Once your son gave the ring to her, it became her property to do with as she wished.