DEAR ABBY: "Melody" has been my best friend since we were in the fourth grade. (We're now in our 30s.) Over the past few years, Melody's life has changed. She separated from her husband, lives alone and shares custody of their three children.

She started dating almost immediately after her separation, going out with almost anyone who showed her a little attention. She's now involved with a man who told her he's bisexual and has never taken her out on a date. (Still, he never hesitates to call and ask her to clean his bathroom or cook him a meal.) She's always crying on my shoulder because she ends up with losers, yet the picture she has on her profile on all the dating sites shows her in a skimpy bikini.

One evening Melody asked me why she can't attract a "decent man." I told her that she needs to love herself before she can be loved. I also mentioned that if she wants to stop attracting sleazy men, she should consider changing her profile picture. She became angry and hasn't spoken to me since.

As a friend I felt it was my responsibility to tell her the truth. I want to help get her life back on track in a positive way. Was I wrong to be honest with her? -- HAD HER BEST INTERESTS AT HEART

DEAR HAD: Your straight answer clearly wasn't what your friend wanted to hear, but you did the right thing by being honest with her. In light of the length of your friendship, call and offer her an apology "if I hurt your feelings." Let's hope that once she cools off, she'll appreciate that you said something important. Because of the way she's advertising herself on her profile, it's little wonder the men she's attracting are looking for nothing more than two headlights and a tan. Yipes!

DEAR ABBY: When I was 25 I placed a baby girl for adoption. I made a decision I thought was best for her and for me. I am 50 now and still believe I made the right decision.

Last year she searched for and found me. I answered all her questions and eventually met with her and her parents. By all accounts she has a wonderful family and had a great childhood. We have stayed in touch through email.

She wanted to meet my family, but I put her off for months. Eventually I gave in, and she met some of my siblings and their families. She and her "cousins" get along well and stay in touch through Facebook or other social sites.

Abby, I feel nothing toward this girl. There is no maternal attachment. I did my job as a good mother and made sure she had the home I could not give her. If I never see her again it wouldn't bother me.

I have looked online for other women who feel as I do, but all I find are women in constant pain and sorrow over a child they gave up. I can't be the only woman who feels this way. I'm not looking for a way to change my feelings. I just need to know I'm not a cold-hearted freak. -- FINE WITH MY DECISION

DEAR FINE: You are not a cold-hearted freak. You're a woman who never bonded with her baby. Please stop beating yourself up for not feeling something for a person who is a virtual stranger. When I hear from other women who read this letter and who feel as you do -- please notice I didn't say "if" I hear from them -- I will share their thoughts with you. You have not been able to find a group online because they are not looking for support from others.

DEAR ABBY: A friend's husband gave me a ride to the airport, and when I went to hug him goodbye as I have always done when we parted, he grabbed me by the arms and kissed me on the lips several times. I wasn't expecting it, and I certainly hadn't invited it. I made light of it, but it made me very uncomfortable and I don't want to see him again.

My problem is I don't know how to end my friendship with his wife. I would never tell her, and I do not wish to have this standing between us, so I'd rather just end the friendship. How should I handle this? She occasionally contacts me for lunch dates. -- DISMAYED IN MANHATTAN

DEAR DISMAYED: You're lucky the wife contacts you for lunch dates only occasionally. It means she's a casual friend, which will make disengaging easier. When she calls, all you need to do is tell her you have other plans. You do not have to mention that foremost among them is avoiding any future contact with either of them because of her husband.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Larry" for six months, and from day one we both agreed that we do not want to be in a relationship. I'm 29 and he's 34. But over time we have developed feelings for each other. Larry is recently divorced after 10 years of marriage. He tells me he doesn't want to lose me, but it's hard for him to commit for fear of being hurt.

Larry talks to other women and goes out, while I have basically committed myself to him. He gets upset if I talk to another man. He says I'm his best friend and he's afraid a relationship would change that.

I don't know what to do anymore. Neither one of us would be OK if the other started dating, but I'm sick of waiting for him to make up his mind. Should I move on? -- IN LIMBO IN COLUMBUS, IND.

DEAR IN LIMBO: Yes, you should. But not before telling Larry exactly why, because the arrangement you have right now is unfair to you. If you don't, you and Larry could wind up being "best friends" forever and nothing more.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife and I renewed our wedding vows after 25 years of marriage, I gave her a beautiful diamond band to thank her for our years together. I lost her 20 years later and put the ring aside, not knowing what to do with it.

My son had been living with a lovely girl for a couple of years. They appeared to be a perfect match, so I gave him the ring and suggested he give it to her and propose. I looked forward to their happiness and perhaps some grandchildren.

My son presented it to her, she accepted and they were married. Sadly, after three years she divorced him and they have gone their separate ways. Should I contact her and ask for the return of the ring? Abby, it's not the money ($3,500). I wanted the ring to stay in the family, and she has opted out of our family. Please advise. -- NOT SURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOT SURE: By all means contact your former daughter-in-law and ask if she's willing to part with the ring. She may agree to give it to you or sell it to you if she still has it. However, if there has been animosity since the divorce, she may not feel inclined to be gracious -- so be prepared. Once your son gave the ring to her, it became her property to do with as she wished.

DEAR ABBY: My two children were in a terrible car accident and were both airlifted to a children's hospital. My son was released two weeks later, but my daughter is still there, suffering from traumatic brain injury.

Abby, I was driving the car. Why can't my daughter have the life I took away from her? Why is she being punished and not me? -- ANGUISHED MOTHER

DEAR ANGUISHED: You're asking a question that philosophers have pondered for centuries -- why bad things happen to good people. In many cases the answer is simply "fate."

While you feel your daughter is being punished instead of you, I say the guilt you're carrying is punishment and it is not healthy for you or your child. Please don't waste time flogging yourself, because your daughter needs you. Counseling may help you to come to terms with what happened. I hope you'll consider it, as you will need every ounce of strength you can muster to help her in the months ahead.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship. Not long ago we got on the topic of marriage and what we are looking for. He comes from a religious family and I do not. His mother says if we don't get married in a church with a religious ceremony, she won't consider me her daughter-in-law and we won't be a married couple.

I want a civil ceremony, something outside and casual. Thankfully, my boyfriend agrees with me. We're just not sure how to deal with his mom and her point of view. What should we do? -- LOOKING TO THE FUTURE IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOOKING TO THE FUTURE: What you should do depends upon to what degree you want to placate his mother. Having the casual ceremony you want in the setting of your choosing, and afterward having your union blessed in a clergyperson's study, might be a workable compromise.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship. Not long ago we got on the topic of marriage and what we are looking for. He comes from a religious family and I do not. His mother says if we don't get married in a church with a religious ceremony, she won't consider me her daughter-in-law and we won't be a married couple.

I want a civil ceremony, something outside and casual. Thankfully, my boyfriend agrees with me. We're just not sure how to deal with his mom and her point of view. What should we do? -- LOOKING TO THE FUTURE IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOOKING TO THE FUTURE: What you should do depends upon to what degree you want to placate his mother. Having the casual ceremony you want in the setting of your choosing, and afterward having your union blessed in a clergyperson's study, might be a workable compromise.

DEAR ABBY: What is a polite way to say: "My husband is not a bum; he's a hardworking, stay-at-home dad until he can find a job that offers not only benefits, but also enough extra money to afford child care, and it's none of your business"? -- I BRING IN THE DOUGH, HE BAKES

DEAR BAKER'S WIFE: Don't get angry. Tell the person, "My husband is a very hard worker. His job took a vacation."