DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter, "Lizzy," the sweetest and most conscientious of my children, has been cut off yet again by her mother, "Ruth." Ruth pressured Lizzy to graduate from high school a year early because she couldn't date with a child still at home. (Her words.) After graduation, Lizzy was shipped off to another state for college, then abandoned to find her own funding for continued education.

Lizzy feels unwanted by her mother and desperately wants to know why. The truth is, Ruth didn't want that pregnancy in the first place and has held it against Lizzy. The deeper truth is I wanted another child and deliberately got Ruth pregnant. I never told anyone, even after Ruth divorced me several years later. As far as I know, she has always accepted it as accidental.

What I did was wrong, yet I can't imagine a world without my daughter in it. Lizzy is the only one of my children who has become close to me since the divorce. The others all believe their mother's lies about me -- that I cheated on her, which is the opposite of what really happened.

Should I share the truth about her birth with my daughter? I'm not sure because I have always believed it is a major mistake to admit to a child of any age that their pregnancy was a surprise, let alone that it was unwanted. Two of my siblings weren't planned, and one of them has become a bitter and distant adult. I want to help my daughter understand and accept her mother's insane actions and get on with her own life. What should I do? -- GUILT-RIDDEN DAD

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Lizzy already has a pretty good idea that she wasn't wanted, and I wouldn't be surprised if her mother hasn't told her she was a "surprise" baby. Do not try to expiate your feelings of guilt by telling your daughter what you have told me. That is a discussion you should have with your confessor, not your child.

It may take a therapist to help Lizzy forgive her mother and get on with her life. What you should do is pay for at least half of her therapy and contribute toward her education.

DEAR ABBY: My son was recently diagnosed with bone cancer and is currently receiving treatment. We heard about a fundraiser for pediatric cancer being held in our community. We joined the event and have received many donations from family and friends.

As much as I want to hand-write thank-you cards, between his treatments, my work schedule and my other kids I can't find the time. Is an email thank you OK? The donations have all been made online. -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING

DEAR WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING: I know you are under a lot of pressure right now. However, please refrain from expressing your gratitude by email. Send short, handwritten, personal notes -- a few at a time -- to those who gave money, as your schedule permits. It is the proper thing to do, and they will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: For decades I have been told I look like my mother. The problem is, my mother is ugly! I no longer respond to the comment, preferring to remain silent and just stare at the person instead.

Abby, please remind people that unless the comparison is to an attractive model, opinions should be kept to oneself. -- BEAUTIFUL IN MY OWN WAY, RICHMOND, KY.

DEAR BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR OWN WAY: I'll remind them, but it's possible that you're overly sensitive. The person could be referring to a family resemblance, your coloring or a mannerism. A diplomatic response would be, "Thank you. Isn't she a dear?"

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old veteran of the grocery industry. I am also an associate of one of the premier supermarkets in the country, and I disagree with your response to "Chicago Clipper" (Feb. 18)!

Coupons are a necessary evil and are graciously accepted, but they create an abundance of work for retailers. It takes countless hours of sorting, logging, filling out forms, mailing and receiving to be reimbursed for the face value of the coupon. This is hardly a benefit to the grocer.

The abuse and fraud associated with coupons adds up into millions of dollars. When a customer leaves one on a shelf for the next shopper, it usually ends up on the floor. So we now have a slick surface that someone can slip on and fall. When they are placed on an item in the dairy or meat case, they inevitably fall to the bottom and clog the drains, which causes water backups -- another safety hazard -- not to mention it's trash we must fish out. All of this takes time and money away from the associates performing our duties in a very low-profit industry.

By leaving an unwanted coupon on a store shelf for the next customer, Chicago Clipper is not "paying it forward." She's adding to the problem. So, please, folks, keep your coupons in your purse, wallet, pocket or coupon book until you get to the checkout line. -- FLORIDA BUTCHER

DEAR FLORIDA BUTCHER: Thank you for pointing out to my readers and me some of the problems coupons may create. Your sentiments were repeated by many retailers. However, other shoppers and retailers offered suggestions that may help to eliminate the problem, including: coupon exchanges, donating them to the military, posting them on Freecycle, Craigslist or Facebook, etc. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a coupon user. I am also a grocery store employee. I constantly have to pick up coupons left by customers who are "paying it forward" or "being generous." Not only are they a safety hazard, but they make our store look unkempt. We pride ourselves in maintaining a high standard of appearance. We actually clean up more coupons than those we redeem.

Why not hand the extra coupons to your checker and ask that they be offered to the next customer? As for litterbugs who leave expired coupons laying around, every check stand is equipped with a garbage can, and an employee will be more than happy to throw out your trash if you ask. -- STORE MANAGER IN MONTANA

DEAR ABBY: I leave coupons for others, but I often go one step further. If I see someone with the item in his or her cart, I'll offer the coupon directly to that person. So far, I have met pleasant people who are happy to get a break at the cash register. I have also met people who have told me how delighted they were to find coupons on shelves. -- MARIE IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow with a 20-year-old car and I accidentally smashed in its front end.

When I got home and my neighbor saw what had happened, he spent his next weekend at a wreckage yard buying all the necessary replacements. The following weekend he reassembled my car to perfection.

Would he take any money for his efforts? No!

Abby, there are wonderful people in this world and he is certainly one of them. And incidentally, he is a Navy captain on active duty. -- LEE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR LEE: So your guardian angel wears a Navy uniform! He's not only an officer and a gentleman, but also a master mechanic. You are one lucky lady, and he is a sweetheart.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Veronica" is obsessed with food -- not just eating it, but also talking about it, looking at it and watching me eat. She frequently asks me what I'm eating, especially if it's something I have made. I can't open a container of yogurt without her asking what flavor it is.

On a daily basis, Veronica announces what she's making for dinner that night, what she made the night before and what kind of desserts she has planned. I used to share my food with her, but I stopped when she wanted bites I didn't offer. I had to stop buying from the vending machine at work, too, because Veronica began to expect to share. When I refused, she'd make "joking" snide remarks. She never has any money to return the favors.

Veronica will tap her cup on the table and watch me out of the corner of her eye. Or, she'll stare at what I'm eating. If anyone at the table has extra food or dessert, Veronica will be the first to take it. She could tell you what all five women at that table had for lunch that day, but she's particularly interested in mine.

Veronica is a good cook and she's not overweight. But she's driving me crazy. Is her obsession some kind of disorder? -- FOOD-SHY IN OHIO

DEAR FOOD-SHY: Your friend does seem to be preoccupied with food. From your description of her behavior it's surprising that she doesn't have a weight problem. Yet you say she makes dinners and desserts every night.

Could it be that she doesn't eat breakfast or lunch, which is why she's mooching off the others? Or could she be short of money? While I agree that what you have described could be signs of an obsession, it is possible that the woman is famished.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and a high school graduate. My best friend was raped a year ago. It took her a long time to be able to tell me, and although I begged her to tell, she would not go to the authorities. She has heard stories from other girls and has reason to believe the same boy has raped them, too.

I believe if she came forward, the other girls might speak up. Then he won't be able to continue to do this to other girls. But I can't change her mind.

Is there something I can do? Can I go to the police and tell them what she told me? Should I talk to a lawyer? I don't want to see her regret not doing something. She's very fragile and this is so hard for her. She has told very few people. Please tell me how to help her. I don't know what to do. -- WISH I COULD DO MORE, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR WISH: The most helpful thing you can do is encourage your friend to contact a rape treatment center. Although the rape occurred a year ago, she can still benefit from counseling to help her recover from the trauma. If she is reluctant to go, then give her the phone number of the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (R.A.I.N.N.). It's 800-656-4673. A counselor there may be able to help her find the help she needs.

However, she needs to do this for herself. As well-meaning as you are, you can't do it for her.