DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old veteran of the grocery industry. I am also an associate of one of the premier supermarkets in the country, and I disagree with your response to "Chicago Clipper" (Feb. 18)!

Coupons are a necessary evil and are graciously accepted, but they create an abundance of work for retailers. It takes countless hours of sorting, logging, filling out forms, mailing and receiving to be reimbursed for the face value of the coupon. This is hardly a benefit to the grocer.

The abuse and fraud associated with coupons adds up into millions of dollars. When a customer leaves one on a shelf for the next shopper, it usually ends up on the floor. So we now have a slick surface that someone can slip on and fall. When they are placed on an item in the dairy or meat case, they inevitably fall to the bottom and clog the drains, which causes water backups -- another safety hazard -- not to mention it's trash we must fish out. All of this takes time and money away from the associates performing our duties in a very low-profit industry.

By leaving an unwanted coupon on a store shelf for the next customer, Chicago Clipper is not "paying it forward." She's adding to the problem. So, please, folks, keep your coupons in your purse, wallet, pocket or coupon book until you get to the checkout line. -- FLORIDA BUTCHER

DEAR FLORIDA BUTCHER: Thank you for pointing out to my readers and me some of the problems coupons may create. Your sentiments were repeated by many retailers. However, other shoppers and retailers offered suggestions that may help to eliminate the problem, including: coupon exchanges, donating them to the military, posting them on Freecycle, Craigslist or Facebook, etc. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a coupon user. I am also a grocery store employee. I constantly have to pick up coupons left by customers who are "paying it forward" or "being generous." Not only are they a safety hazard, but they make our store look unkempt. We pride ourselves in maintaining a high standard of appearance. We actually clean up more coupons than those we redeem.

Why not hand the extra coupons to your checker and ask that they be offered to the next customer? As for litterbugs who leave expired coupons laying around, every check stand is equipped with a garbage can, and an employee will be more than happy to throw out your trash if you ask. -- STORE MANAGER IN MONTANA

DEAR ABBY: I leave coupons for others, but I often go one step further. If I see someone with the item in his or her cart, I'll offer the coupon directly to that person. So far, I have met pleasant people who are happy to get a break at the cash register. I have also met people who have told me how delighted they were to find coupons on shelves. -- MARIE IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow with a 20-year-old car and I accidentally smashed in its front end.

When I got home and my neighbor saw what had happened, he spent his next weekend at a wreckage yard buying all the necessary replacements. The following weekend he reassembled my car to perfection.

Would he take any money for his efforts? No!

Abby, there are wonderful people in this world and he is certainly one of them. And incidentally, he is a Navy captain on active duty. -- LEE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR LEE: So your guardian angel wears a Navy uniform! He's not only an officer and a gentleman, but also a master mechanic. You are one lucky lady, and he is a sweetheart.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Veronica" is obsessed with food -- not just eating it, but also talking about it, looking at it and watching me eat. She frequently asks me what I'm eating, especially if it's something I have made. I can't open a container of yogurt without her asking what flavor it is.

On a daily basis, Veronica announces what she's making for dinner that night, what she made the night before and what kind of desserts she has planned. I used to share my food with her, but I stopped when she wanted bites I didn't offer. I had to stop buying from the vending machine at work, too, because Veronica began to expect to share. When I refused, she'd make "joking" snide remarks. She never has any money to return the favors.

Veronica will tap her cup on the table and watch me out of the corner of her eye. Or, she'll stare at what I'm eating. If anyone at the table has extra food or dessert, Veronica will be the first to take it. She could tell you what all five women at that table had for lunch that day, but she's particularly interested in mine.

Veronica is a good cook and she's not overweight. But she's driving me crazy. Is her obsession some kind of disorder? -- FOOD-SHY IN OHIO

DEAR FOOD-SHY: Your friend does seem to be preoccupied with food. From your description of her behavior it's surprising that she doesn't have a weight problem. Yet you say she makes dinners and desserts every night.

Could it be that she doesn't eat breakfast or lunch, which is why she's mooching off the others? Or could she be short of money? While I agree that what you have described could be signs of an obsession, it is possible that the woman is famished.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and a high school graduate. My best friend was raped a year ago. It took her a long time to be able to tell me, and although I begged her to tell, she would not go to the authorities. She has heard stories from other girls and has reason to believe the same boy has raped them, too.

I believe if she came forward, the other girls might speak up. Then he won't be able to continue to do this to other girls. But I can't change her mind.

Is there something I can do? Can I go to the police and tell them what she told me? Should I talk to a lawyer? I don't want to see her regret not doing something. She's very fragile and this is so hard for her. She has told very few people. Please tell me how to help her. I don't know what to do. -- WISH I COULD DO MORE, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR WISH: The most helpful thing you can do is encourage your friend to contact a rape treatment center. Although the rape occurred a year ago, she can still benefit from counseling to help her recover from the trauma. If she is reluctant to go, then give her the phone number of the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (R.A.I.N.N.). It's 800-656-4673. A counselor there may be able to help her find the help she needs.

However, she needs to do this for herself. As well-meaning as you are, you can't do it for her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm confused about the protocol in thanking or repaying someone after staying several nights at their home. My feeling is, if you're staying with people, the nicest way to thank them for their hospitality is to pay for most, if not all, the lunches and dinners you share with them when you dine out. That way, you lessen the monetary burden of your visit, and it gives you a chance to say "thank you" for the use of their home.

Some visitors seem to think that when they come to your home, you should not only put them up, but also pay for all their activities while you show them your town. What is correct? Or is it a matter of preference? -- VISITING FROM PHOENIX

DEAR VISITING: According to Emily Post, when a guest stays overnight, a nice bottle of wine would be a proper gift if you know your hosts drink and their preference. If there are children in the household, a game they can all enjoy or candy might be nice. If you will be staying longer, she suggests a picture frame with a photo taken during your visit sent afterward, a houseplant in a decorative pot, hand towels or beach towels.

And I agree with you that treating your host(s) to a nice dinner during your visit would be gracious and thoughtful.

DEAR ABBY: One of my best supervisors is in a same-sex relationship. She and her partner are raising three wonderful children from previous marriages. I have introduced them to my husband at the office as well as work-related social events. He says he "hates" them because he believes their relationship broke up their marriages and it's wrong to raise their children this way.

When he encounters them he refuses to acknowledge them and will snarl when near them. Neither of them have done anything to deserve this treatment, and it makes me embarrassed and ashamed of him. I've tried to reason with him -- nothing works. I told him flat out he can have his opinions, but I expect him to treat them with respect.

I'm to the point where I have to attend work-related functions alone and not allow him to come to my office. That's one solution, but I'm still upset about his attitude in general. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- UPSET IN TEXAS

DEAR UPSET: I suspect that your husband's reason for "hating" your supervisor has less to do with the fact that she and her partner ended their marriages, and more to do with knee-jerk homophobia. Children who are raised in happy homes do better than those who are raised in a household filled with unresolved tension. I can't change your husband's attitude, and neither can you. Only he can do that, but enlightenment isn't likely to be achieved until he recognizes a need for it.

P.S. His manners are atrocious, and you're right to keep him apart from your work environment.

DEAR ABBY: Due to a health problem that caused some of my hair to break and fall out, I have recently begun wearing a wig. At a social function a woman who was not a friend of mine approached me and asked if I was wearing a hairpiece. How could I respond to such a rude question without admitting that I am wearing a wig? -- STUMPED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STUMPED: Try this: "I'll forgive you for asking that question if you'll forgive me for not answering."