DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to the letter from "Hurting in Virginia Beach, Va." (Feb. 6), who complained that the smell of mint chewing gum triggers her migraines. Many gum chewers, like me, have good reasons for doing it. I chew gum on planes because it helps reduce sinus pressure, thus preventing my own headaches. I am also a former smoker, and gum-chewing is a healthier alternative to tobacco.

If "Hurting" explained her situation to me, I would certainly abide by her request to not chew, although I would find it uncomfortable to go without for long. I recommend she carry several packs of non-mint gum in her purse. When forced into close proximity with a gum-chewer, she could then offer him or her an acceptable alternative. I believe she will almost certainly find people more receptive to her needs that way. -- DAVE IN SPRING HILL, FLA.

DEAR DAVE: Your commonsense suggestion was the one most often repeated by my readers. I advised "Hurting" that whether at a concert or on a plane, she could ask to be moved away from an "offender." My readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: I propose a different solution. She should purchase one (or several) of those surgical masks that cover the mouth and nose. They come in a variety of styles, and she could surely find one that would block her sense of smell. This way she won't have to risk a confrontation or depend on a third party to get involved. Once she detects the offensive smell, she can just put on her mask, no one gets bothered and everyone's happy. -- TIM IN SALEM, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Hurting." I am a migraine sufferer myself. The smell of many perfumes, lotions, cleaning agents, tobacco smoke -- even some foods -- can trigger a migraine. Because it is nearly impossible to control what other people wear, clean with or eat, I have found it much easier over the years to make sure I always carry some medication with me whenever I go out. Being able to take my medication the minute I sense a migraine coming on has prevented many events from ending badly for me. -- FEELING HER PAIN IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: I have a deadly allergy to oranges. The smell alone can bring me very close to anaphylactic shock, but more often just causes a migraine like "Hurting's." I have a small bottle of eucalyptus oil I take with me and place a drop or two under my nose. This will stop the reaction. Hope this information helps. -- VERNELLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: Your advice was spot on as far as asking the gum chewer to discard the gum, or to be reseated in a theater. But often the house is full, or the plane has no empty seats and no one will switch. As I suffer from similar issues, my father found me a device called a personal air purifier. It hangs around your neck (or sits in your lap) and literally cleans the air you breathe. It is battery-operated and goes everywhere. It has saved me tons of embarrassment when dealing with other people in small spaces. -- RACHEL IN CHERRY HILL, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurting" needs to take preventive action when she makes her concert reservation. Simply ask for an aisle seat (for her) and the one beside it (where her husband will sit). Of course, it will be slightly more difficult on a plane because of closer quarters, but she can still make sure her husband is sitting between her and the offender as a buffer, which might help a little. -- LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

DEAR ABBY: What's the best thing to do when someone insults me for being myself? My hair has been bright blue for the last two semesters of college. I like it. I'm young, and my family is letting me express my "wild" side while I'm in school.

Six months ago I went to meet my ex-boyfriend's mother, and the first thing she said to me was, "You're one of my son's phases, right? Boys don't actually bring girls with blue hair home to Mama." Abby, it was with my ex's encouragement that I dyed my hair this bright color.

My family, my church and most of my teachers think it's OK. Is there a social stigma attached to exotically dyed hair? And what's the best way to react when someone insults me for just being myself? -- NICE PERSON IN WALLAND, TENN.

DEAR NICE PERSON: Whether there's a stigma attached to looking different depends on who is doing the looking. Some people -- your ex-boyfriend's mother, for instance -- find it off-putting. Did you tell her that it was with her son's encouragement that you dyed your hair blue? It would have been interesting to see her reaction. It would also be interesting to know what shade his current girlfriend's hair is.

When others comment about the unusual color of your hair, instead of treating it as an insult, smile and say, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 26 years. I love him, but he's a terrible listener. He's not that way with everyone. When we're out socializing, he's a good conversationalist and a polite listener. It's when we are home that he never lets me finish a sentence. When we're alone, I can't express a complete opinion or thought without being interrupted halfway through a word or sentence. He just cuts me off and starts talking on the subject.

I'm an intelligent woman with valid opinions, but he would rather hear the sound of his own voice than mine. How do I get him to let me speak and not interrupt? -- SILENCED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SILENCED: Is your husband controlling in other aspects of your relationship? If not, the problem may be that you have been together so long he thinks he knows where your sentences are going, so he responds before you complete your entire thought. One way to handle this would be to tell your husband how patronized it makes you feel when he does it. Another would be to interrupt him by saying, "Excuse me! I wasn't finished talking." Or, "You finished my sentence, but that wasn't what I was going to say. What I meant was ..."

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Beth," and I are very close, but a constant source of contention is her boyfriend, "Brody." Beth and Brody have broken up several times, and each time it happens, she fills me in on every horrible thing he has ever done.

They always seem to get back together, and then Beth expects me to like him despite everything I know. Does the fact that she forgives and forgets mean that I have to do the same? -- TOO MUCH INFO IN OHIO

DEAR TOO MUCH INFO: No, it doesn't. But you should be civil, even if you're not warm and friendly. Then cross your fingers and hope your sister recognizes less drama is healthier and the relationship ends soon.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 19 years, but I cannot stay faithful to my wife. I've had a few affairs, visit "massage parlors" on a regular basis and feel my wife deserves better. I want to walk away from our marriage.

We have kids who will be affected, and it will hurt us financially, but I don't feel right staying in a marriage I can't be faithful to. I haven't told my wife about this, but I believe she knows because we haven't been intimate in months. We had discussed divorce several times in the past, but that was before the kids. Please give me some advice. -- LIVING A LIE IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR LIVING A LIE: Feeling and behaving as you do, it would have been better for you to have divorced before you had children. However, now that you do have kids, it's time that you level with your wife.

As you stated, she probably has a good idea that something isn't right. She may prefer to remain married to you until your children are out of the house. Or she may feel that her chances of finding someone else are better if you separate now. You'll never know until you talk to her -- and she deserves to know the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I am trying to decide who to have as best man at my wedding. I asked my best friend before I got engaged. After the engagement, I received a lot of pressure -- and unwanted stress -- from my mom to have my brother as best man. After arguing with her for a month straight, I finally gave in and asked my brother. We have never been close. There's no communication and no desire for it. We see each other only during the holidays and have had a forced relationship by Mom since we were teens.

My gut instinct tells me my best friend should be my best man. On the other hand, if I tell my brother he isn't the one anymore, I'm afraid it will be the final dagger in any type of relationship with him and his family. I need your advice on this matter. -- GROOM-TO-BE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: You're right that having asked your brother to be your best man, you should not rescind the invitation. However, I have good news. Your best friend can still be your best man. According to Emily Post, there can be two best men. She says:

"Though not so common, two chief attendants may be the right solution when you don't want to choose between siblings or close friends. The attendants can share the duties and the fun!"

So there you are. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a man, "Jason," who is a DJ. Lately work has been slow for him, but because he was so popular when he was younger, he finds it hard to accept that he will have to get a 9-to-5 job.

Jason has expressed in the past that he doesn't want to call a 30-year-old his boss and would like to go to school. We hope to get married one day, but I am torn because I don't want to support the household on a wing and a prayer. I do everything I can to encourage him, but his lack of effort is becoming discouraging. How can I explain this without it turning into an argument? -- ON THE RECORD IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ON THE RECORD: Consider this. The longer Jason waits to look for a 9-to-5 job, the younger his bosses will be. Marriage is a partnership. You shouldn't have to support the household on a "wing and a prayer" because Jason is dragging his feet about returning to school or becoming self-supporting. Explain it to him by saying that if he doesn't become more proactive, you will have to consider finding someone who is more ambitious.