DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 19 years, but I cannot stay faithful to my wife. I've had a few affairs, visit "massage parlors" on a regular basis and feel my wife deserves better. I want to walk away from our marriage.

We have kids who will be affected, and it will hurt us financially, but I don't feel right staying in a marriage I can't be faithful to. I haven't told my wife about this, but I believe she knows because we haven't been intimate in months. We had discussed divorce several times in the past, but that was before the kids. Please give me some advice. -- LIVING A LIE IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR LIVING A LIE: Feeling and behaving as you do, it would have been better for you to have divorced before you had children. However, now that you do have kids, it's time that you level with your wife.

As you stated, she probably has a good idea that something isn't right. She may prefer to remain married to you until your children are out of the house. Or she may feel that her chances of finding someone else are better if you separate now. You'll never know until you talk to her -- and she deserves to know the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I am trying to decide who to have as best man at my wedding. I asked my best friend before I got engaged. After the engagement, I received a lot of pressure -- and unwanted stress -- from my mom to have my brother as best man. After arguing with her for a month straight, I finally gave in and asked my brother. We have never been close. There's no communication and no desire for it. We see each other only during the holidays and have had a forced relationship by Mom since we were teens.

My gut instinct tells me my best friend should be my best man. On the other hand, if I tell my brother he isn't the one anymore, I'm afraid it will be the final dagger in any type of relationship with him and his family. I need your advice on this matter. -- GROOM-TO-BE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: You're right that having asked your brother to be your best man, you should not rescind the invitation. However, I have good news. Your best friend can still be your best man. According to Emily Post, there can be two best men. She says:

"Though not so common, two chief attendants may be the right solution when you don't want to choose between siblings or close friends. The attendants can share the duties and the fun!"

So there you are. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a man, "Jason," who is a DJ. Lately work has been slow for him, but because he was so popular when he was younger, he finds it hard to accept that he will have to get a 9-to-5 job.

Jason has expressed in the past that he doesn't want to call a 30-year-old his boss and would like to go to school. We hope to get married one day, but I am torn because I don't want to support the household on a wing and a prayer. I do everything I can to encourage him, but his lack of effort is becoming discouraging. How can I explain this without it turning into an argument? -- ON THE RECORD IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ON THE RECORD: Consider this. The longer Jason waits to look for a 9-to-5 job, the younger his bosses will be. Marriage is a partnership. You shouldn't have to support the household on a "wing and a prayer" because Jason is dragging his feet about returning to school or becoming self-supporting. Explain it to him by saying that if he doesn't become more proactive, you will have to consider finding someone who is more ambitious.

DEAR ABBY: I really need some feedback. When I was 13, I would cut myself. I stopped around 15 after an attempted overdose that didn't work. I did it because my parents were stressed due to money problems and ignored me or yelled at me a lot. I was also bullied in school. I had just moved here, so there was no one to turn to.

Suddenly, in the last week, I have begun binge eating. I see no hope for me graduating, no hope for my life or my future. I wake up wanting to go back to sleep or overdose. My wrists have throbbed at the thought of wanting to cut again, and last night I had a dream of jumping off a building. All day I have had the same daydream of hitting the ground. I cry randomly for no reason. I have thought of multiple ways to kill myself.

This just started. I can't see why I can't be happy. My brother is coming home from Afghanistan. I should be ecstatic.

I plan on talking to a counselor tomorrow because I am not sure how to handle this. I don't want to get into such a state that I'll let myself overdose again. Thank you for your time. I just need some guidance on how to handle this. -- WAVERING GIRL IN WATERTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR WAVERING GIRL: You are also a smart girl to be reaching out for help. I hope by the time you read this you will have spoken to a counselor about your feelings, because it appears you are suffering from a severe depression, which can impair a person's judgment. Being bullied at school and worried about graduating would be enough to trigger it. The behaviors you describe mean you need to talk to -- and probably be medicated by -- a mental health care professional.

If you had given me your phone number, I would have talked with you personally about this -- and, with your permission, spoken to your parents about it. Your counselor can help you reach out for the help you need, but if you experience more suicidal impulses, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 800-273-8255.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small company. Employees here bring in treats to share and leave them in our break area so co-workers can help themselves. One employee, "Karen," sits at a desk that is very near the lounge, and snaps to attention when anyone walks by with treats in hand. Then she jumps up and follows them into the lounge, where she lingers until the snacks are ready.

She'll hover over the trays of whatever is being offered while eating "samples." Then she takes a huge helping and stands nearby while she eats it. She follows that up by taking more back to her desk. It's annoying to see a plate of cookies or a pan of brownies that were brought to share with everyone gobbled down by one person.

Karen earns a good salary. She certainly has enough money to buy her own food. So, Abby, what's a good way to tell her to stop? -- MISSING MY COOKIES IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR MISSING YOUR COOKIES: Try this. The next time one of you brings a treat to the office, put a sign next to it that reads, "One to a customer, please," or tell "Miss Piggy" in plain English that she's taking too much of a good thing.

DEAR ABBY: My husband served in Vietnam and proudly wears a Vietnam veteran insignia on his jacket or cap everywhere he goes. People approach him all the time and thank him for his service, which is wonderful. The big question is, how should he respond? He isn't quite sure what to say back to them -- "You're welcome"? "It was my honor to serve"? "Thank you for caring"?

I'm not sure of the right response, either. So I told my husband I'd ask you. What's the proper thing to say when someone is kind enough to take a minute and say thanks? -- VET'S WIFE IN PHOENIX

DEAR VET'S WIFE: I'm sure being thanked for his service in Vietnam is music to your husband's ears. When members of the military returned from Vietnam, many of them were treated with hostility. A proper response when someone thanks him for his service would be any of those you offered, or a simple, "Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have dear friends who live in another country. They also have a vacation home in a very nice part of the U.S. They have often invited us to use their vacation place while they're away, since it stands empty 11 months of the year.

I have hesitated in the past because I know we would use utilities and it would be of some expense to them. They are insistent that they will not let us pay for the use.

We would love to spend some time there. Is there anything we could do to show our appreciation without paying them? -- APPRECIATIVE, BUT ...

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: Yes. After spending time in their vacation home, write a letter thanking them and describing the experience. Consider sending them an album of photographs you took during your vacation there, or buy a gift for their vacation home. That way you will have repaid them without "paying" them.

DEAR ABBY: My little sister is almost 12. She has been having a lot of behavior problems. I thought it was the stupid videos she watches that made her act like that, but she's getting worse.

One night, her mood was terrible and I noticed she was texting. So while she slept I took her cellphone and started reading the messages. Her texts were about her being a skank, drunk, sexually active, depressed, cutting herself and moving away soon. No one in the family knows or would ever allow this.

I feel the right thing to do is to tell our parents, but I don't want to make the situation worse. Her behavior and attitude stress us out, and her "friends" are the wrong crowd for her. I know it was bad for me to invade her privacy, but something needs to be done. What can I do? -- SISTER WHO CARES IN TEXAS

DEAR CARING SISTER: Tell your parents what you have learned. Your sister's behavior problems and angry or depressed mood must have been noticed by them as well as you. Ask them not to reveal that you looked at the messages, but to insist on some answers from her until they get to the bottom of what's happening. If even half of what your sister is writing and receiving is true, she is headed for serious trouble and is overdue for an intervention.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: Happy Easter, one and all!