DEAR ABBY: I am a teenager who has recently discovered that my dad has been having sexually explicit conversations with women online for at least 10 years. He is usually withdrawn from the rest of the family, and I strongly suspect it's because he cares more about his online fantasies than he does about his life with my brothers, my mother and me.

I don't know what to do. I can no longer look him in the eye. I don't respect him; I pity him. I'm afraid to tell anyone in my family because of the drama it will cause, and don't want to tell him because I know it will change our relationship. Still, I don't think I can keep this to myself.

I have considered seeing a therapist, but I don't know how I can do that without giving my parents an explanation about why I'm going. What do you think I should do? -- CONFLICTED TEEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFLICTED: You have been exposed to a large dose of information you shouldn't have, and for that you have my sympathy. If you feel you need to discuss this with a therapist, then you definitely should.

As I see it, you have several options. The first would be to talk to a counselor at school and ask if counseling is available that way. If it isn't, then tell your father you need it, and why. And if he refuses, tell your mother everything.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old college junior, double-majoring in English and education. Although I am pretty advanced in my degree field, I'm having second thoughts about my decision. Every day it seems as if I invest all my time and energy into something I don't even want to be a part of.

I have a very adventurous spirit. I want to constantly be doing, going and discovering. Part of me says I'm an adult and I should ignore the explorer part of me. But it's hard to say that change isn't possible because we're talking the rest of my life. How can I connect passion with occupation -- especially at this stage of the game? -- GYPSY SOUL

DEAR GYPSY SOUL: By thinking out of the box. There are various options in the field of education, and one of them is teaching English in foreign countries. Start looking for opportunities in that area, and you may be able to also fulfill your urge for adventure. Another option that comes to mind would be joining the Peace Corps or Teach for America. Please consider what I am suggesting and do some research on your own.

DEAR ABBY: Is it ever proper to wear your napkin tucked into your shirt collar when dining out, instead of placing it on your lap? Traditionally, a napkin is placed on the lap to prevent soiling of the clothing, I would guess. But some plus-sized folks and women with large bustlines don't usually have food reach their laps, just their shirts. So what do you think? -- JUST WONDERING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Your napkin belongs in your lap when dining out, regardless of what size you are. According to Emily Post, "an exception can be made for the elderly or infirm." So if you are neither of those, consider carrying a stain remover "pen" with you in case there is a slip twixt the fork and the lip.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dan," and I are in our early 30s and have been married five years. He's bright, sweet, outgoing and very good-looking. He is in excellent shape and works out at the gym daily.

Dan has become friendly with a group of men at the gym. Like him, they are all good-looking and in tip-top shape. They are also gay. One guy in particular, "Harry," has become quite close to my husband. He often jokes about "recruiting" Dan and comments on Dan's popularity with "the boys."

My work requires that I travel frequently, and Dan has been going out with Harry to gay bars where he gets "hit on" often. I can tell he likes the attention. I should also mention that Dan seems to be considerably less interested in sex lately.

I hate to think of my husband alone and lonely while I'm away, but his going to gay bars every night is beginning to worry me. If I say anything to him about it, he guilt-trips me about my travel.

Is it normal for a straight man to seek out the company of gay men? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- GAY-FRIENDLY IN N.Y.C.

DEAR GAY-FRIENDLY: It is unusual for a straight man to frequent gay bars. But would you feel better if Dan was going to straight bars every night and being hit on by women while you're away?

Your greater concern, in my opinion, should be his change in pattern of behavior. If Dan is less interested in sex with you than he has been, then you need to find out why. I have always favored the direct approach. The person you should be discussing this with is your husband. When you do, be frank but not accusatory, and do not allow him to divert the conversation by making you feel guilty about your business travel.

DEAR ABBY: I'm moving soon from Florida to New York. I have a 16-year-old Chihuahua named Pedro who is not in good health. I'm torn about what to do. Should I take him with me, or have him put to sleep? I am an animal lover and have always had pets, but this is the first time I have ever had this problem.

I'm renting a truck and will be driving up to New York. Some say the stress will be too much for Pedro. He's a little fighter, but at his age, I don't know how he will handle cold weather. He has lived in Florida his whole life. What do you think? I'm asking everyone's opinion. -- LEAVING THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR LEAVING: You say Pedro is a fighter -- well, give him a fighting chance. He could surprise you and make it through next winter and several after that. However, although you are asking "everyone's" opinion, the one that should carry the most weight is Pedro's veterinarian.

DEAR ABBY: My family has been having a debate over the issue of how the name "Jeanne" is pronounced. They think it is pronounced "Jean-nee," while I am certain it's pronounced the same as "Jean." Could you please help us with the correct pronunciation? -- A DOVER, N.H., READER

DEAR READER: The name "Jeanne" can be pronounced either way, depending upon the Jeanne's preference. In my case, it has always been pronounced "Jean-nee."

However, if the name-caller is French, it might be pronounced "J'ahne," with a very soft "J" -- like Zsa-Zsa.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: A happy Passover, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: "Robert" and I met four years ago and fell head-over-heels in love. At the time, he was two years clean and sober and attending meetings. Due to his hectic work schedule, he stopped attending the meetings.

Robert is intelligent, a hard worker, handsome and my best friend. He prided himself on his sobriety, so imagine my shock when I found an empty liquor bottle buried in the trash and three more under the bed. I never thought I'd see the day when he would relapse, but he has. I am devastated. I didn't know what to say to him or how to react, because I have never been down this road.

I told Robert I knew he was drinking again. I could barely hold back my tears because I knew what a huge personal setback this is for him. He said he didn't want to discuss it, so I didn't push.

What am I supposed to do when the man I love has relapsed? My heart aches for him. I'm trying to be supportive, but I am clueless. Please help. -- HELPLESS

DEAR HELPLESS: The first thing to do is recognize that this is Robert's problem, and only he can fix it. If you plan to stay involved with him, understand that it is not unusual for someone with a substance abuse problem to fall off the wagon from time to time.

The next thing you should do, and this is important, is find your nearest chapter of Al-Anon. It's an organization that was started by the wife of an alcoholic, and its sole purpose is to help the family and friends of alcoholics. The toll-free phone number is 888-425-2666, and it has been mentioned in this column many times.

There will be meetings for you to attend so you can learn to avoid falling into the trap of trying to "save" or enable Robert, because in order for him to get better he must experience the consequences of going back to drinking. This is not easy to do with someone you care about, and you will need all of the support you can get.

By the way, your letter arrived in the same batch as the one below. It may give you some insight:

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I talked to my mother about her drinking. She's a binge drinker and her excuse is always, "It's my day off." I am focusing on myself and trying to figure out my life, as well, with the help of Al-Anon -- the only thing that has kept me positive.

I knew that once I uttered the word "alcoholic" aloud, my relationship with my mother would forever be affected. I asked her to contact me when she was ready to quit because I can no longer enable her drinking.

I miss the mom who doesn't drink, but I can't be around her when she does. As I grow in my recovery, I may figure out how to do that. But for now, I need to put space between us.

My family is worried something drastic will happen (as her health isn't good) and I will have regrets. But I have expressed my thoughts and accepted that Mom and I may never speak again. Is that wrong? -- STILL A LOVING DAUGHTER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STILL A LOVING DAUGHTER: No, it's not wrong. Your mother's binge drinking was affecting her health as well as her relationship with you, and while it may have been difficult and wrenching, it was the right thing to do -- for both of you. Let's hope that your strength in doing that will give her the strength to stop her alcohol binges.