DEAR READERS: It's April Fools' Day, the one day I can share some of those letters I receive from readers whose questions might not seem as appropriate on any of the other 364 days of the year (or 365 this leap year). Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old female who lives with my parents. I saw "The Little Mermaid" for the first time recently, and now I'm very worried.

The other day I walked in and caught my mom talking to my pet fish, Flounder. I have noticed Mom breaks into Broadway-style songs randomly, just like Ariel did in the movie. She also has the same red hair as Ariel. Mom is a lifeguard at the local pool.

Could my mom be part fish? If so, am I half-mermaid? I will await your reply before attempting underwater breathing. Please answer promptly. -- SEA-ING THINGS CLEARLY

DEAR SEA-ING: Clean your goggles, honey, because you're seeing less clearly than you think. Your mother is not related to Ariel, and you are not a mermaid, but your letter is a fish tale.

DEAR ABBY: For years I have heard about players winning thousands of dollars on casino slot machines. But every time I try to win one, I run out of cash before hitting it. How can I win a jackpot before I go broke? Hurry your answer because my money is running out. -- UNLUCKY IN JERSEY

DEAR UNLUCKY: Slot machines are not called "one-armed bandits" for nothing. While I can't advise you on how to win a jackpot, I can tell you how not to go broke. Try this: Don't gamble!

DEAR ABBY: At what time does "today" turn into "tonight"? -- CLOCK WATCHER IN UTAH

DEAR CLOCK WATCHER: Ask me tomorrow.

DEAR ABBY: I have an amazing pool man. I have known him for quite a while. My neighbors have been complaining because he likes to work naked. His working in the buff never bothers me; I think he looks like a Greek statue and he does a great job. My pool has never looked better. I have had several pool cleaners before, but none of them compare to the current one. What should I do? -- CALIFORNIA GIRL

DEAR CALIFORNIA GIRL: Although I don't live nearby, it's not hard to see why no other pool cleaner compares to this one. Assuming your pool is fenced, I'm advising you to do nothing "butt" enjoy the view.

DEAR ABBY: Why does our society insist on using the euphemism "sleeping together" in place of "having sex"? --CURIOUS IN KETTERING, OHIO

DEAR CURIOUS: That's easy -- so the children won't know where they came from.

DEAR ABBY: I was awakened at 3 a.m. by a barking police dog while someone was being arrested on my front lawn. This morning I discovered the dog had pooped on my grass. I'm considering complaining to the police about it, but don't want to seem ungrateful for the job they do. What do you think? -- LISA IN ANAHEIM, CALIF.

DEAR LISA: I think you should be more tolerant. After all, the police dog was just doing his duty.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old senior with a single, very controlling mother. It's impossible to have a sit-down conversation with her because she's always working to support us. She works as a dog groomer. She's always polite to her customers and friends, but she turns into a witch when it's just her and us kids.

I have never had any freedom. I go to school, come home and groom dogs, then it's the same cycle all over again. She makes me feel useless unless I'm working for her, and the truth is I think she wants me to live with her forever. She won't let me work, doesn't want me to go to college and won't give me my Social Security card or birth certificate, so I cannot get on with my life. Please help. -- TEEN WHO NEEDS ADVICE

DEAR TEEN: Where is your father in all of this? If your mother doesn't want you to see your birth certificate, it may be that there's something she's afraid you will see. Her controlling behavior does seem excessive for a girl your age.

In a few months you will be an adult. If you wish to continue your education, you should talk to a counselor at school about it and inquire about scholarships, student aid and how to apply. Do not let your mother's disapproval discourage you from trying.

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a hard-to-find kind of man. He is charming, funny, polite and very sweet. He is my Prince Charming except for one thing. He's a racist.

I have asked him not to say demeaning things about people of other races to me because it upsets me. Most of his friends are like that, too. When he meets someone of a different race he's polite and friendly, but when he sees someone on TV, or walking on the street he makes derogatory comments.

I'm considering breaking up with him over this. Am I overly sensitive, or is this a legitimate concern? -- TOO SENSITIVE IN TEXAS

DEAR TOO SENSITIVE: You're not overly sensitive. We are living in an increasingly diverse society that in years to come will only become more so. Birds of a feather tend to flock together, and so do racists. Unless you want to become increasingly isolated and surrounded only by people who think like your "Prince" does, find someone who thinks more like you do. You'll be happier in the long run.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Carla" just had a baby. She's in her early 20s, unemployed and living in a condo her parents bought her so she won't be homeless. Her deadbeat boyfriend lives with her. They smoke pot and love to party, although Carla has abstained since she got pregnant.

When I received an invitation to her baby shower, I declined. I don't think her having a baby is a good thing, and I didn't feel comfortable celebrating this "good" news. I have not offered my opinion on the subject, but when my sister asked me why and I told her, she called me selfish. Do you think she is right? -- PRINCIPLED COUSIN

DEAR PRINCIPLED COUSIN: I don't think you were selfish for sticking with your principles. Nor do I think your unemployed cousin and her deadbeat boyfriend are heading down the road of parenthood in a responsible way. Because you didn't feel you would enjoy the event, you were right to decline the invitation.