DEAR ABBY: Do you think every American child should get a four-year college degree? I keep meeting students who have a real talent and passion for other jobs -- military, cosmetology or skilled trades, such as Internet technology and carpentry -- but whose parents are furious at the suggestion they might not graduate from a four-year college.

It's a little-known fact that there is actually a shortage of skilled tradespeople these days. IT jobs pay well and are constantly in demand. As my grandmother used to say, "Everyone needs a plumber when the toilet's clogged." It distresses me to see so many parents disregard their kids' instincts about their skills and desired careers in favor of the "more schooling is always better" philosophy.

Graduating from college has been part of what we envision as the "American dream," but not every kid is going to be fulfilled after getting one of those degrees when the jobs that go with it don't materialize. If a child wants to go into the military or become a skilled tradesperson, parents should at least consider what they're suggesting. Because someone chooses a career path that isn't what a parent hoped for doesn't mean he or she can't be successful. -- ANN ARBOR READER

DEAR READER: I have had this discussion with many people over the years and I agree. While it is crucial that young people finish high school, not every child is intellectually inclined. Many have talents better-suited to the trades. A person with skill and drive can earn a good living as a plumber, electrician, tailor or in the food industry.

Some brilliant and successful people started but didn't finish college. Many of them are in the arts and technology fields. Economic realities being what they are today, parents should be flexible and sensitive to their children's aspirations on this subject.

DEAR ABBY: For 20 years, my secret (to some, but not to others) involvement with a married man has kept me on an emotional roller coaster. We were both married at the time it began, and it was always understood that we would not leave our partners. However, since then my marriage has broken down.

Conventional wisdom -- expressed by friends, family and your column repeatedly -- has it that I should end this hopeless affair, get out and meet other men. I have made numerous attempts, but have accepted that he's the only man I feel comfortable being intimate with.

I don't want him to leave his marriage, from which he draws much respectability and desperately needed security. However, his obvious delight in our afternoon trysts does suggest that his so-called picture-perfect marriage doesn't meet his emotional and sexual needs. And that's what irks me!

This couple presents a happy profile in our community. The urge to burst his hypocritical bubble is growing within me with every passing year. Would it be morally reprehensible for me to let his wife know that she has been made a fool of for the last 20 years? -- SEETHING IN CANADA

DEAR SEETHING: Yes. Resist the urge. What makes you think his wife doesn't know? Once more than two people know this kind of "secret," word has a way of circulating. I see nothing positive to be gained by trying to hurt the wife. If your lover has to make a choice between the two of you, the person who will get the boot will be you. You knew this from the beginning. And you may find that it is not the wife who has been a fool for 20 years, but you.

DEAR ABBY: I am an amateur playwright. Our local theater sponsors an annual playwriting contest. The prize isn't monetary, but something far more important to an author -- a full-scale production of the play.

I have won this prize four times -- more than any other writer in the history of the contest. But is my family impressed? Not at all! My wife told me she thinks I write everything the same way and have simply repeated myself four times. Her put-downs are deeply hurtful.

I am up in years. It's unlikely I will ever again win this prize. So how do I respond to such indifference? What do you do when you feel you have accomplished something important and the response is, "So, what else is new?" -- LOOKING FOR VALIDATION IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOOKING FOR VALIDATION: My hat's off to you. That you have won this prize more than any other writer in the history of the contest is a notable achievement, and one that's not likely to be matched for a long time -- if ever. Attend the production, take your well-earned bow in the spotlight, and accept that the less you look to your wife for validation, the happier your life will be.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my fiancee, "Jayne," reconnected with her childhood friend through Facebook.

"Christine" is gay, unattached and very attractive. She has a great personality, and everyone who meets her seems to be attracted to her. Jayne and Christine have had overnighters together. I have asked my fiancee if Christine has ever made advances toward her and she said no. I want to believe her, but part of me is wary.

They are now planning to go on a trip for a few days to an island. Jayne says she loves me and that I have nothing to be jealous about. Am I being naive? What should I do? -- LEFT BEHIND IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LEFT BEHIND: Believe it or not, gay people are capable of platonic friendships with members of the same sex, just as straight people can have platonic relationships with people of the opposite sex. The bottom line question is, do you trust your fiancee? If the answer is you're not sure, then you should rethink the engagement.

DEAR ABBY: My brother has systematically taken over my parents' lives for the past 20 years. He uses his depression and agoraphobia as an excuse not to lead his own life. He lives on government disability payments, and the majority of his support comes from my parents, whom he lives with and mooches off of. He doesn't help them around the house or contribute in any way. He refuses to get treatment for his disorders.

How can I help my parents finally be free of him? They are fast approaching 70 years old. Talking to my brother is useless, as he becomes extremely hostile and threatens to kill himself. My parents deserve some rest at their age. -- ANONYMOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR ANONYMOUS: At the rate they're going, your parents may not get the rest they deserve until they're in the great beyond. Unless they are willing to take a stand and make living with them conditional upon your brother getting counseling and medication for his mental illness, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: I will graduate from college in June and be a social worker. I am psychic, although I dislike that word because it conjures up visions of crystal balls, quacks and scams. For legitimate psychic individuals, it can be overwhelming to live this way.

I first noticed my ability when I was young, but I repressed it because my folks thought I was imagining things. It began to resurge in college. This school is haunted, so I have become used to daily interactions with ghosts -- often in the dead of night. I also notice that during client counseling sessions images will pop into my head. I once gave a classmate the "willies" by perfectly describing the garden in her backyard having never laid eyes on it. My adviser says I must never tell my clients the things I "see" in them because it will frighten them.

It's hard to separate my own thoughts and emotions from those of spirits around me. I'm concerned about my psychic ability in relation to my clients. If I pick up on abuse in the mind of a child, for example, am I obligated to report it?

Being psychic is as natural to me as my having blue eyes. It will never go away. I must now find the means to manage it. I don't want a career as a medium. I'm dedicated to the profession I have chosen. Can you offer me advice? -- GIFTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR GIFTED: Instead of using your visions to form judgments about your clients, use them to guide you during interviews. If you do, you will then be better equipped to provide concrete proof of the need for an intervention than revealing you "saw" something that others can't see or wasn't disclosed to you.

Many people have psychic abilities to a greater or lesser degree than you do, and those "vibes" can be invaluable. It is possible that your gift will give you insight into the individuals you will serve. I wish you success.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has turned into a bona fide slug! We have been married 30 years. For half of them she stayed fit and trim, but over the past 15 she has put on 100 pounds and refuses to try to lose any of it. She also refuses to cook. I have to cook my own meals or we eat out. She no longer cleans (we pay a maid) or has sex with me.

She is obviously depressed and has taken several medications over the years to no avail. She has had lab work done, but nothing shows up. Because she doesn't have a job, she sits around in her pajamas all day playing on the computer or reading romance novels. She'll do laundry, but only after a month, when there's nothing left to wear.

The other thing my wife likes to do is travel. The more expensive the trip, the more she loves it. Does God really expect me to live like this until I die? I have tried everything I can think of to help her. I dread going home every night. Advice, please? -- LIVING IN HELL IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR LIVING IN HELL: The marriage you have described isn't "living," it is existing. Insist, as a condition of staying in the marriage, that your wife have a thorough physical and psychological evaluation. She appears to be depressed, withdrawn and possibly not in touch with reality. Her physical health is also at risk.

Not every medication works on everyone. Your wife's weight gain may have made the dose she was taking ineffective -- or she may need a combination of drugs and talk therapy. Clearly she isn't happy in your marriage anymore either, if she's escaping into romance novels instead of having a relationship with you. Please get her the help she appears to so desperately need.